Walking right over the line of appropriateness, this week for our Poll Position we bring you that venerable traditional game, “FMK: Fool around, Marry, or Kill”, proving I have neither class nor taste. But then, you already knew that.
For those of you unfamiliar with this concept, basically FMK is a “forced choice” game, where you must choose which of the three presented options you would Fool around with, which you would Marry, and which you would Kill. It is assumed that each choice is mutually exclusive, so you can’t choose to both Fool around with and Marry the same person. The point of it is … ok, there’s not really a point, it’s just stupid. But we did super-heroes-as-politicians last week so cut me some slack here, there are low-brow readers of this blog too!
So here goes:
Discussion to follow.
Here’s the thing about The Baroness from the classic GI Joe cartoons — she’s hot and would totally shoot you in the back when you’re not looking in order to make off with your Swiss bank account. Or even just the contents of your GI Joe piggy bank, she’s not picky. So for me, I can’t marry someone like that, because you have to trust the woman you marry. On the other hand those glasses totally do it for me.
She-Hulk’s kind of annoying, at least as Byrne wrote her. She’s cloying and needy and kind of a pain to have around, but on the other hand she could snap you like a twig. Also hot, yes, but dangerous if you’re not invulnerable yourself.
Finally, Sailor Moon, a character I know absolutely nothing about beyond the fact that she has ginormous eyes and an even bigger bow to go along with a nigh-non-existent nose. That’s just against nature, unlike a seven foot tall green lawyer. But, I think she’s supposedly kind of sweet and she kicks butt while looking good in a mini-skirt, so there’s that.
Ultimately, I’d probably choose to Fool around with the Baroness because with a one-time fling you don’t have to worry about her eviscerating you in your sleep or whatnot and, come on, those glasses — hubba hubba.
I’d choose to Marry Sailor Moon because she probably wouldn’t snap my spine in half during a bout of passion, and she seems like she’d be a loving mother who wouldn’t accidentally crush junior’s abdomen while burping him, unlike some green-skinned members of the list.
Which unfortunately means I’d have to Kill She-Hulk, even though she seems like a nice enough lady overall. I blame John Byrne, whose treatment of her made me want to gouge out my eyeballs with a spoon.
So which would you choose, and why? And yes, I changed the name of one of the options on purpose, let’s keep it that way.