Poll Position: Hot lead and cold iron

Screw intellectual debate, this is COMICS, let's have some violence-loving fun already:

{democracy:84}

Discussion after the jump.

The prohibition against guns mostly rests with your major Golden Age characters at this point, your Superman and Batman types. I don't know how many times as a kid I'd be reading one of those stories and yell at the character "Just pick that thing up and SHOOT him already!" So that got me to thinking; with all the retcons and revamps lately, which hero would I like to see start slinging some iron.

  • Batman: Batarangs are fine and dandy, but let's be honest -- no thrown weapon can match a good old-fashioned full metal jacket. Add modern firearms to The Dark Knight's arsenal and he'd have Gotham cleared of criminal scum in about three days. Which might be why they haven't done it yet. Yes, I know, he shuns guns because that's what killed his parents, but I notice he didn't forswear movies, or pearl necklaces, or combat. Get over yourself already, Bruce, and start slinging some iron!
  • Captain America: You're telling me a soldier in the US Army refuses to use a freaking gun?! This makes no sense. If shields were so great Smith & Wesson would make them in forty caliber sizes, but they don't, now do they?
  • Frodo: "Gollum, I'd like you to meet MY precious! BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!!" Admit it, you would totally pay to see that.
  • Harry Potter: Just think of it like a spell with no verbal component, but a high materials cost. Notice the name is "He Who Cannot Be Named", not "He Who Cannot Be Shot".
  • Luke Skywalker: Granted, Luke uses a blaster in some scenes, notably in "Jedi" while freeing Han from Jabba. But once he graduates to the full light saber you rarely see him use anything else. Not that I blame him, a light saber is a great weapon, but you have to admit a light saber PLUS a gun is just that much better.
  • Spider-Man: Peter's kind of a pansy, I think a powerful side-arm would lend him that aura of machismo he's lacking currently. Plus there's always the hope that stray rounds might relieve him of that pesky "Aunt May Problem" which is a real bonus he'd never get from splattered webbing.
  • Wonder Woman: See the entry for "Spider-Man". She has no offensive weaponry at all, and yet she's a Warrior Princess. She needs to hit the Xena School of Warrior Princessing to learn how to be a true warrior chick, but Xena didn't have the resources of America's vast military-industrial complex on which to draw, either. Tell you what, Diana, hock the Invisible Jet and invest that money in some high-yield weaponry instead, you'll be a lot better off. Then you can use that lasso to ask penetrating questions like "Did it hurt when I shot your ass".

As you can tell, this isn't the most "serious" Poll Position I've ever asked, but I have to say I'd love to see Batman give up on the whole "no guns" policy. It never made a ton of sense to me; the guy's that driven and yet he balks at guns? Like exploding Batarangs aren't just as bad or worse? Please. Second would have to be Cap; like I said, he's a freaking soldier, act like one. How'd he ever pass basic training?!

I wish I'd put Aquaman on the list, because I think seeing him trying to use a gun underwater would just reinforce how pointless he is as a character. It'd be like a metaphor, and I like me some metaphors.

Who'd you choose, and why?

21 Responses to Poll Position: Hot lead and cold iron

  1. LoneWolf6155

    The new Captain America does carry a gun and a knife.

  2. Frodo. Just because I literally LOL’d at your discussion point.

  3. I think there is some alternate version of Spider-man where his webshooters can also fire bullets, and he actually uses them.

  4. Spiderman, because he’s uniquely suited to it. His set of powers would make him the ultimate sniper if he wanted to be. He can stick to walls, which means he’s got no problem parking wherever would give him the clearest shot. He can swing to new positions, which means he’s able to relocate to a radically different point after every takedown. He’s superhumanly strong, which means he can handle the recoil of even a .50 cal sniper rifle without flinching, and the weight of carrying the thing and some extra ammo won’t ever get to him.

  5. I voted Captain America because, yeah, soldier.

    But giving it more thought, I kind of wish I’d voted Wonder Woman. Did you watch the animated Wonder Woman movie? Her invisible jet has invisible missiles. Surely the Amazon craftswomen that made the jet and missiles could also come up with an invisible M-4, an invisible assault shotgun, and an invisible Browning 1919, right? And how cool would it be the first time she used a weapon from her invisible arsenal on mocking enemies that thought she was unarmed?

  6. If I recall correctly, at least one of the earliest Batman comics did have him firing a gun.

    Beyond that, though, the need for a gun would become the beginning of the end for the Bat…Bruce’s obsession has always been, in my eyes at least, one of control rather than of power. As evidence, consider that, from near the beginning of the Justice League apparently, Bruce had a set of protocols for taking out the members of the League on the grounds that they might go rogue…and that he didn’t let anyone else know about this. The way I see it, his shunning of guns in the here/now is because using one would allow, even force, him to see just how little control he had over the situation at hand; his own pride in how he controls things around him wouldn’t let him use one.

  7. Zorbas the Awesome

    i chose Harry Potter.

    DUDE why cant he just summon a f***ing uzi and blast the hell out of Voldemort!!!! Why the hell bother with the spells?!?!?

  8. William A. Peterson

    Can you spell “Macho Women with Guns”? Diana all the way!
    Yeah, they’ve given her a sword and spear, and even made her tiara razor-edged…
    But, someone who can toss around Battle tanks should be able to use some pretty big artillery!
    Batman and Cap have already gone this route, and left it behind…
    Frodo doesn’t come from a society where they know how to build guns, and he probable wouldn’t be able to handle more than a .25, anyways…
    Harry’s a minor, and Tommy Riddle (Lord Valdemort, if you prefer) IS quite bulletproof, thank you very much!
    Luke was taught his craft by someone who thinks of Blasters as being “Clumsy and Random”, and given that an entire squad of Stormtroopers couldn’t manage to hit two droids in an empty corridor, I’m inclined to agree!
    And, Peter (at least prior to making deals with Mephisto) is just NOT the kind to carry a gun around…
    He’d just imagine Aunt May scolding him, once, and the guilt would cripple him for months! :->

  9. HalLoweEn JacK

    Spiderman would make the ultimate urban sniper.

  10. i voted batman…i almost always vote batman. hehe

  11. Batman would resort to guns if necessary. he does not do that usually because he uses the bat figure as a fear factor (given) – and because every other gotham scum uses a gun. modern warfare offers ways to protect oneself from gunfire, and bruce wants nothing to be protected from him. that’s why he has this unique fighting style in the first place. did you ever consider the batarangs as a tactical leverage?
    voted for him though. he doesn’t have that “honor” or “morality” thing stopping him, at least not in a level anyone else on the list does.

  12. You know who should have really used guns? Rorschach. Ozy could catch one bullet, but haw long could he keep that up against an Uzi? And I love the idea of invisible guns.

  13. Umm, I dunno, but giving any superhero character a gun (as opposed to an adventurer character like Indiana Jones) just kinda ruins the whole superhero concept for me. Any schmuck with a big enough gun could be a crime fighter. But it takes a special breed with the right combination of moral integrity, cool superpowers (or in Batman’s case, equivalent cool gadgets) and a silly costume to be a real superhero.

  14. Frodo FTW!

  15. Looking at it in-universe I see it like this:

    Batman – Gunning down ‘Jimmy the Nose’ doesn’t have the panache of leaving him tied up and hanging off a ledge. A Code against Killing also separates him from those he fights.

    Captain America – Looking only at the ‘classic’ Cap, he was about America’s ideals. This includes finding non-lethal, if not non-violent, solutions to problems.

    Frodo – Technology issues aside, it wouldn’t help. Orcs would overwhelm him and a .32 ACP would only tickle an ogre.

    Harry Potter – It’s established that technology doesn’t work well around magic. Nor do wizards understand the concept. Finally, being in England, guns aren’t allowed.

    Luke Skywalker – For a Jedi Knight a blaster would be redundant.

    Spider-Man – As effective as he would be, Peter Parker is too angst-ridden to actual shoot anyone. He spend enough time agonizing over his decisions; lets not add ricochets and missed shots to the equation.

    Wonder Woman – I would love to see her use a bow or javelins. Guns just don’t fit her style.

    I may be in a corner, but I vote Captain America. It’s the “Speak softly and carry a big stick” approach. Use the shield when you can, use the gun when you must. That is what Steve Rogers has done. In a significant (to me anyway) story he shot terrorists to stop them from killing hostages. Like a real person in a justified shooting, he dealt with guilt and derision before finally gaining acquittal in a court of law.

  16. I believe everyone besides Frodo and Potter (wands, guns, whatever – it shoots) has fired a pistol of some sort in their fictional lives, except for Wonder Woman. I would buy a DC Comics Elseworlds one-shot of Wonder Woman using nasty man-world guns to dish out justice. Yeah, starting with Gotham City, and ending with having her way with Superman… the way a REAL Amazon would! Yeah.

    Oh, and if you haven’t at least read the ‘Macho Women With Guns’ rpg booklet, you may be missing out on a good laugh.

  17. I am going to have to say batman because in light of the new movies (New Beginning and Dark Knight) he has a whole department of a million dollar company working on his bat tech…Now you can’t tell me that he doesn’t have another department working on military contrats….All he has to do is walk pick up so new prototype pistol or something and BLAM..bye bye joker

  18. William A. Peterson

    WAYNETech doesn’t really do guns, since the Boss doesn’t care for them…
    That could change, but not overnight!
    And, Mr. J. doesn’t die all that easily!
    I’m pretty sure he’s Undead! :->

  19. If you know the books, you know there are a whole lot of reasons why gunfire is useless in a wizard world. “protego” spell casts an instant shield, and the vanishing cloak really messes with any shot. AND an adult may instantly teleport wherever. you catch my drift.

  20. i was talking about HP. forgot to mention.

  21. godofplague

    Spiderman uses agun in spiderman noir. vulture tries fir a bit of auntie and gets a belly full of lead