Reason #8: The writing makes it even worse.

We already know Liefeld’s art is lame, but when attached to his writing or humor, it gets even lamer. “But Jeff,” you might say, “that’s like saying something is more infinite than infinity or more immovable than the immovable.” And you would have a point, O Anonymous Internet Philosopher Who Sounds An Awful Lot Like The Voices In My Head, but this is no ordinary art we’re talking about. This crap’s transcendent.

Witness the following one-panel, “Far Side”-style “humor” panels Liefeld produced in 2001. Be warned:

Not For The Weak.

shr1

Ponder for a moment the profound un-funniness of this cartoon. No, really — would you find this good even in middle school? Because that’s about the last time in my life I can imagine that joke being amusing.

Then there’s the art.

Why is Captain Overcompensation tilted sideways in his chair when he’s supposed to be leaning back? He’s going to fall over on his left side in a moment, which sadly will be too late to rescue this tragically lame foray into Humorland. Seriously, his left and right feet (bonus points for drawing the feet at all, of course) are not both on that desk.

And why is the shrink staring not at her appalling, boorish client who has, in a disturbing psychoreactive fit, spray-painted his enormous schlong with white latex, but rather directly out at the viewer? And why is she grinning in skull-like pleasure instead of recoiling in horror?

Finally, however much Latex Penis Guy is paying her, it’s too much, because she hasn’t taken a single note, despite the large pen, pencil, and pink sex toy on her desk.

shr2

What therapist wears a shirt and skirt like that? One who buys stainless steel counseling couches, that’s who.

This is a great example of how adding incredibly stupid jokes to bad art actually makes the art worse. It’s the magic of comics, kids!

shr3

Why is our therapist staring at her client’s ankle?
Why did our therapist buy a couch that’s ten sizes too large for any normal human, and yet ten sizes too small for her size-changing patient?
Why does our therapist own an office with eighty-foot-tall ceilings?
How has Mr. Everest managed to warp space-time in such a way that the bookshelves are getting sucked into an alternate perspective dimension?

shr4

Why is our counselor one of the undead, sitting there in the throes of advanced rigor mortis, somehow throwing her voice without opening her mouth? Or was she perhaps frozen there by Frosty the Lame-o.
Why has she wrapped all of her furniture and artwork in cellophane? Is she secretly my grandmother?

shrink6

Again, what professional wears an outfit like that? Did she just stumble out of bed?
Has Thing Rip-Off Guy literally taken off his “rocks” and dropped them on the floor, thus explaining the look of horror on her face?
Why is his mouth on the side of his face?

The only force in the universe that can compete with the suckiness of Liefeld’s art is the suckiness of his writing. Add “humor” to the mix and you’ve managed to tear the space-time continuum itself, pulling the entire universe into an alternate reality where work like this makes millions of dollars and sets an entire beloved industry back to elementary school-level garbage.

And that is reason number eight I hate Rob Liefeld’s art.

(Images and characters © Ripley, Inc. and Rob Liefeld.)

About Jeff Hebert

Jeff is a 44 year old city boy who has somehow found himself located in Colorado, fulfilling his lifetime dream of making a living drawing super-heroes all day.

29 Responses to Reason #8: The writing makes it even worse.

  1. Yeaauuuugh. More memories that need to be drowned with booze.

    I remember saying aloud in the privacy of my den, after reading some stuff he has written, “Rob, you know, stick with drawing, you’re so much better at it!”

    Must show this page as a testimony to that statement, because people do not believe it.

  2. Hi Jeff! A suggestion: When you get to Eyes for HM3, could you do spider eyes? You came close in HM2.5 (Four tiny round eyes where the left eye should be, and four tiny round eyes where the right eye should be.). Most spiders have two big eyes on the front of their heads with four eyes above the two big eyes, and that’s the kind I need. I would really appreciate it. What I do now for spider eyes (when I’m using HM3 Alpha) is use the round insignia six times. Thanks buddy, and keep up the good work.

  3. Wow, those are truly awful.

    In that last panel, I *think* that there’s a shadow on the blinds that would suggest that Not-Thing has whipped out his Rock of Gibraltar.

    Or maybe that shadow is his thumb. Difficult to tell when the art is bad and the joke isn’t funny.

  4. Wow Luke, I think you might be right. That’s … disturbing. I thought initially it was his thumb but the more I look the more I think “Why am I looking at this?!”

  5. This makes me think that maybe Liefeld pitched these as part of a bad superhero porn script. Granted, porn movies aren’t known for good plot, but even this is below THAT kind of standard.

    Actually, the more I look at it, almost all of the dialogue in the panels could be seen in a bad porn movie.

  6. What was this published in? Who’s responsible for unleashing this horror on the public?

  7. Y’know, I’ve been coming here for some time now, and I’ve seen and/or read some bizarre things since; ranging from “boners” to winning a monkey as a prize, even posts about characters with two left feet. God knows we’ve had some laughs. Some of the humor has been juvenile– sure– but nothing questionable. Until today. Jeff, understandably, has issues with Mr. Liefeld’s work. Not everyone’s a fan. Heck, I love Greg Land’s work, but I have to agree when folks point out he is notorious for swiping art. Now, I’m not upset with Jeff. I’m not upset period. In fact, I’m glad Jeff pointed this out, because brother… this s@%# is wack. Especially, that first and last panel: disturbing just about sums it up. Thanks to Liefeld, I will never…NEVER be able to look at Ben Grimm the same way again. *Shivers* :)

  8. The first guy’s crotch is like…what the hell and I do believe that is a stone wang.

  9. The idea of a psychologist or psychiatrist who counsels superheroes could be pretty funny–in the hands of a skilled writer and/or artist–but Liefeld ain’t it.

  10. You’re right, Joshua, disturbing is the word. These are so juvenile and so … stupid. It’s unsettling.

  11. Wow. Even by Mr. Liefeld’s standards, these are truly, truly awful.

  12. The worst thing though, the absolute worst, is this: that an extremely large segment of the comic-buying public was short-bus retarded enough to shell out for Liefeld’s crap all these years. Weep, O Humanity, for your future…

  13. …this is not disturbing… this is beyond disturbing… this is the Mad Hatter doing acid with Angar the Screamer in the Twilight Zone… This is drinking liquid Handwavium from a cabbage without its handle… Rob Liefeld has shattered every boundary of the feining of wit and intelligence and shameless lack of skill. My regrettable veiwings of these wretched images have erased everything in my mind that can skill be considered a rational human thought. Every person who has veiwed the post has destroyed the remaining portions of their intelligence and sanity and has forever burned these poor mockeries of art and humor into the now empty crevices of their skull.
    I am going to leave now. Goodbye, Rob Liefeld. May God have mercy on your soul.

  14. OMG enough already. We get it. You hate Rob Liefeld. Get some new material already. How do you know he didn’t intend for those to be lame? And yes they are lame but so what.

  15. Danny Beaty

    What about my spider eyes?

  16. J, there is NO WAY Mr. L “intended” those to be lame. There is no doubt he intended them to be teh awsumness. “So what” because as a comics blog that loves comics, the art form that is comics, and everything that comics can be, Rob Liefeld deserves to be held up as an example of everything comics should NOT be. A “let this be a lesson to you all” kind of thing.

    That, and it’s fun to run his crap through the wringer. Because it so richly deserves it.

  17. I’m ashamed to admit this, but I actually ‘googled’ Shrink.

    Sorry, I had to pause for a moment to reflect on what I’m about to do. I’m not one to recklessly inflict harm on others and, sure, I could be Christ-like and shoulder this burden, but we are men– perhaps some of us, manly men. And we embrace truth, even if it hurts us. Anyway (…here goes), I read that at one time Jennifer Lopez’s production company had optioned the film rights to Shrink.

    That’s right, chums. Shrink could have left its Phantom Zone confinement and been committed to film. Maybe Mrs. Anthony-Lopez would have portrayed the titular character. I don’t know, but what I can relay with relief is that it was canned in development hell. If…you’re inclined to believe in a gods/God, then this was an act of providence and mercy.
    In case you’re wondering (…and I imagine you’re not) why it was canned, well…you can thank the dismal box office of Gigli. Breathe easier, gang, but be wary…it yet lurks out there ready for its closeup. :)

  18. Your spider eyes are in, Danny. I’m not releasing the face stuff until they’re all done because just eyes aren’t really enough to do anything with.

  19. @Jeff: Thanks!

  20. The idea of a shrink for superheros sounds good though. If it was done right it would be a great comedy comic.

  21. For a Superhero-psychiatrist comic that is actually good, try “Dr. Blink, superhero Shrink” at
    http://archive.gamespy.com/comics/drblink/

  22. HalLoweEn JacK

    @ J – Are you Rob Liefield?

  23. Gawd, what a lousy day. I paused and considered Jeff’s warning about reading the rest of the entry. I could have skipped straight to the comments. I really should have. But I didn’t. And then I made the mistake of checking that Variety link (again, against a kind warning) and saw that Variety hack call Youngblood “Iconic”. Iconic of what?!? Atrocity? On the bright side, my day probably can’t get any worse, right?
    Oh, and J? This the “I Hate Rob Liefield’s Art” segment of the program. What else, exactly, would you fill this space with? If we start complaining about, say, Todd McFarlane, then the heading won’t make any sense.

  24. HalLoweEn JacK

    @ Bael – I think it’s worth pointing out that in the variety article, the comment actually went somethign like this “Most of the decent graphic novels are gone and Youngblood’s about the only thing untouched that has any potential”

    Read between the over-abundance-of-liefeld-drawn-lines on that one!

  25. Sorry. “Iconic” was just too much. Maybe if it had some sort of disclaimer…

  26. Give me a great big W.T.F? this is writning? Is Rob liefield even a bloody person, or just a monkey with some pencils? Maybe a combination.

    Anyway, this left me highly confused. I’ve got to go lie down

  27. “‘Far Side’-style”? How dare you compare these…these MONSTROSITIES to the god-like comedic stlye of Gary Larson!?! You, Jeff Herbert, are on notice!

  28. ThatStrangeGirl

    As a writer, I have read some GOD AWFUL stuff from friends and family who want my opinion on their writing. Do I know why they want me to read their writings? No. But years of reading these writings, I had begun to think it couldn’t get worse. But this.. this.. disturbing piece of garbage takes the cake. Thanks a lot, Jeff. I’m going to have nightmares.