Every Rose has its (Black) Thorn

Heaven knows the 1970's were a black hole of bad fashion, but I don't think most people appreciate that in many ways, the Eighties were even worse. Luckily we have Black Thorn around to remind us of that fact:

black-thorn

If you've ever wondered why so many men started shaving their heads in the Nineties, you've got this sort of Eighties "Perm From the Black Lagoon" to thank -- after seeing that horror, we all just decided that bare was better. I can only shudder at the man-hours wasted primping, crimping, and styling that mess. I bet she leaves grease spots on the windows of the Mystery Van when she naps.

Oh, wait, that's Scooby Doo -- my bad.

Regardless, the hideous green ski shades don't help any. Maybe they're sharpshooter specs, although I thought those were yellow. At least then they'd go with the giant banana peels she's got instead of a cape, and the ginormous pineapple slices she's using as bracelets. I suspect her secret identity is somehow tied in to the Dole family of fruit-related products.

I can almost forgive the purple leather fetish gear that semi-clothes the rest of her figure, although I honestly don't understand it. Why would you cut out the side of your outfit? Why would you leave bands around your biceps? Why would you wear capri-length pants and then, by the name of all that's holy, put white tube socks underneath them? It's a good thing she's dating the detective Vigilante, because someone needs to figure out who foisted this horrendous design on her.

And then she needs to use that massive pistol to shoot him dead. Because no one should be forced to dress like that, not even refugees from the Eighties.

(Character & Impage ©DC Comics, Inc.)

7 Responses to Every Rose has its (Black) Thorn

  1. Ya gotta admit though, it has a long way to go before it reaches Liefeldian levels of horribleness.

    On a different topic: I was just experimenting with the alpha of HeroMachine 3 and I noticed that if you use the running feet for the male figure, none of the pants, leggings, or boots available will fit. Can I scale or rotate them to make them fit, or will they have their own accompanying items?

  2. I’ll probably eventually throw in some items for those legs, but 95% of my effort will go to making Standard items to fit the Standard body. You’re going to largely be limited to spandex effects on the alternate legs using masking. It’s not perfect by a long stretch, but no way I’m redrawing every single set of pants to fit different leg positions. Just not gonna happen. I’d go crazy. It’s better than the old way, at least giving you SOME variety in body styles but I’m not going back to six different bodies. You can’t make me. I won’t do it, I say, WON’T!!

    **pant pant pant**

  3. I can forgive the side cutouts – after all, showing unnecessary skin is long-hallowed tradition among comic book heroines. But the heels? The bracelets? The dual capes?! The perm?!! The [censored] TUBE SOCKS???!!! That’s over the top.

    You COULD easily update this costume to be taken seriously, though. Get rid of everything not purple, especially the jewelry. Swap the boots out for something sensible. Replace the existing paramilitary gear with more realistic tactical webbing. Change the hairstyle into a more modern one. Update the shape of the glasses so they look more high-tech and swap them out for amber lenses. Lose the choker, swap the Luger for a Sig or a 1911 and you’ve got a character that will at least fly in a modern comic.

  4. Why is this filed under “Bug Reports and Fixes”? Isn’t supposed to be filed under Bad Superhero Costumes or something?

  5. Thanks for the catch, Solander, I mis-clicked when applying the category label. Fixed now.

  6. I hope you’ll planned a bas super hero costume contest for the launch of HM3. (:-)

  7. but no way I’m redrawing every single set of pants to fit different leg positions. Just not gonna happen. I’d go crazy. It’s better than the old way, at least giving you SOME variety in body styles but I’m not going back to six different bodies. You can’t make me. I won’t do it, I say, WON’T!!

    **pant pant pant**

    OK Jeff, Dude, it’s all right! I was just askin.’ Calm down, now. Go to your happy place and . . . breathe . . . breathe . . . That’s it.