Caption Contest 54: Feel the Fury!
Nick Fury, that is, IN SPACE! With a tip-o-the-hat to Mighty God King (and to my buddy John for thinking of the idea), your challenge for the week is to come up with the funniest replacement dialog for Nick’s second, shouted word balloon on this dynamic classic Marvel cover:
Make as many entries as you think appropriate in the comments to this post. The winner (as judged by Ye Olde Balde Avenger — i.e. me) will get EITHER a custom black and white illustration of whatever he or she likes (within reason, and subject to a now-lengthy delay for completion) OR their choice of an outfit or related outfit items to be included in HeroMachine 3.
So put on your thinking caps (beneath your space helmet, apparently, but over your cigar — also in a space helmet) and make with the funny!
(Image and characters © Marvel Comics and used here for entertainment purposes only.)
March 31st, 2009 at 3:52 pm
1. Except for us.
2. That Nobody. Good man.
March 31st, 2009 at 4:12 pm
1. Sorry about the “lunkhead” thing! I’m just grouchy!
2. The best they can hope for is 85, tops!
3. Wait, are these Finheadians? Crap, they DO live forever!
March 31st, 2009 at 4:55 pm
1.Now let’s kill us some Sea Monkeys!
2…Unless you have a beard as awesome as mine!
3.And when you DO die, you’ll be reincarnated in stupidly pointless spin-offs like this one!
March 31st, 2009 at 5:07 pm
1. SO HURRY UP WITH MY LATTE!
2. AND WE AIN’T NOBODY!
3. SO WHY QUIT SMOKING! *cough*
4. ESPECIALLY THESE SUBTLEY CODED ALIEN REPRESENTATIONS OF EVIL!
5. HEY! WHO REPLACED MY AMMO WITH SUPER-SILLY STRING?!?
6.
March 31st, 2009 at 5:16 pm
1. Unless you are important to the plot.
2. On the bright side, chances are you won’t stay dead long.
3. At least you won’t if you keep making fun of this comic!
4. Except for Apocalypse, Mister Immortal, the Eternals… Okay most people don’t live for ever.
March 31st, 2009 at 5:23 pm
6. APPARENTLY!
March 31st, 2009 at 5:24 pm
7. WITHOUT MAJOR SURGERY!
March 31st, 2009 at 5:29 pm
8. SO CATCH SOME BULLETS!
March 31st, 2009 at 5:31 pm
1. Wait a minute! These guys aren’t wearing swastikas! OH CHRIST!
2. Better dead than red! Hey, that might catch on in a few years!
3. You up front! Stop winking at the audience!
4. Hold still while I get that giant worm off your head! Damn it, you moved!
5. This is for calling me “Dick Furry”!
6. Why do these space rifles have silencers?
7. The derby’s not working, Duggan!
8. I’VE GOT A RAT IN MY SHORTS!
9. I’m not “boring” you, am I?
10. Screw you AND the mule you rode in on!
11. DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL!
March 31st, 2009 at 5:54 pm
10. PEW PEW!
11. HEY! MY GUN IS BENDY!
March 31st, 2009 at 6:18 pm
1. because nobody asks to get born.
2. soldiers use in your advantage the light green color of our uniform to camouflage with the dark space.
March 31st, 2009 at 6:22 pm
1. They’re keeping me from watching Heroes!!!
2. Unless You’re Made of Diamond!!!
3. But Beware the LOLCat!
4. I just hope I dont lose an eye!
March 31st, 2009 at 6:28 pm
lets see sam jackson do this
March 31st, 2009 at 6:36 pm
1) Unless you’re on the cast of Heroes
2) Though unfortunately this coverart will!
3) And in the case of your durby and mustache Jack, that’s a good thing!
4) Well, I will, but the rest of you are F’d.
5) BTW, these are just standard army fatigues, so we’ll be alive for abou…
March 31st, 2009 at 6:43 pm
6) Wtf, when did blond hair and blue eyes give way to orange skinned, 4 fingered alien mutant freaks?
7) Uh, pretend that was heroicly motivating not depressingly fatalistic.
March 31st, 2009 at 6:50 pm
1. ESPECIALLY ROB LIEFIELD!
2. Especially when I’m FIRING MY LASER!
3. And I mean NOBODY!
March 31st, 2009 at 7:18 pm
1. EXCEPT FOR CAPTAIN AMERICA!
2. To Infinity and Beyond!
3. First one to 50 kills gets a custom black and white illustration of their choice!
4. Git ‘r’ Done!
March 31st, 2009 at 7:41 pm
1. DAMN YOU LIEFIELD!!!! STOP GIVING US MORE FISH-ALIENS TO FIGHT!!!!!!!!!
2. Unless you’re CHUCK NORRIS!!!!
3.EXCEPT ME BECAUSE IM CHUCK NORRIS!!!
4. SOMEONE CATCH THE BLACK MAN RUNNING AWAY!!!
5. WHO THE HELL THREW THEIR GUN INTO OUR SHIP!?!?! DAMMIT!!!
6. WHERE’S SUPERMAN WHEN YOU NEED HIM!!!??!!!
7. Sgt. Fury…This is your helmet speaking…you only have 5 minutes worth of oxegen left.
March 31st, 2009 at 7:50 pm
Let the air out of them, even if we were in vacuum!
March 31st, 2009 at 8:10 pm
1. NOW LETS KICK SOME ALIEN VAMPIRE SEA MONKEY BUTT!!!
2.FOR SPARTAAAAAA!!!!
3. I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE WHAT IF’S STORYS! *small print* I mean come on, alien vampire sea monkeys? what the hells next?
March 31st, 2009 at 8:24 pm
1. By the way! 15 minutes saved me 15% on my car insurance!
2. Did you say this makes me look FAT!!??
3. Man up, punk! It’s only a flesh wound!
4. You have LOST the game!
5. You don’t move, I’ll do it the American way: LAWSUIT!!!
6. What did you just say, scaly imbecile!?
7. Say, these Krauts look a little too alien…
8. Never mind the guy with the bowler hat, I AM YOUR DOOM!!!
9. This is totally not an anachronistic setting!
March 31st, 2009 at 8:35 pm
1. And HEY! ANYBODY NO WHETHER THESE GUYS ARE KRAUTS OR JAPANESE?
2. ESPECIALLY WHEN SOMEBODY JAMMED A SWIZZLE STICK IN MY GUN!!
3. THAT MEANS YOU DUM-DUM DOOGAN!
4. EVERY SOLDIER UNDER MY COMMAND OWES ME ONE. HUNDRED. FISH MAN. SCALPS! AND I WANT MY SCALPS!
5. YOOOOOO JOE!
6. AND WHEN WE GET DONE WE KICK THAT WATCHER GUY’S BALD BUTT!
March 31st, 2009 at 8:51 pm
1. And, God, I wish I kick the bucket soon!
1. And we sure can’t outlive this embarrassment!
2. Even the idiot who thought this up has to die eventually!
3. Keep shooting your red rope thingies!
4. And no, this is not a Starship Troopers ripoff!
5. So long, and thanks for all the fish!
March 31st, 2009 at 9:14 pm
1. Cripes! Watch out for that ridgehead in the back! I don’t like the looks of those jumper cables!
2. Now someone remind me who we’re shooting today!
3. You jackasses behind me are running away, aren’t you?!
4. Now let’s go find the moron that named a space war “World War Two”!
5. OUT HERE, NOBODY CAN HEAR ME SCREAM!
March 31st, 2009 at 9:40 pm
12. But first, this word from our sponsor!
13. Now for something completely different!
14. I haven’t seen this many rednecks with guns since we were in Texas!
March 31st, 2009 at 9:42 pm
1. Papa Spank!
2. Make way for the Howling Astromandos!
3. Sucker Smith! Horse’s Ass Horton! Follow Dum Dum and me!
4.
March 31st, 2009 at 10:54 pm
1.This quite the Dead Man’s Party!
March 31st, 2009 at 11:35 pm
1. Why is my head in this goddamn soap bubble?!
2. Hey! Who put these fish in here? This is not a goldfish bowl!
3. And remember folks, happiness is a cigar called Hamlet!
April 1st, 2009 at 5:36 am
1 It’s time for an advertising sequence, guys.
2 We must be proud to our action figures
3 Don’t forget. If the producer drop off the show, no more derivated product and no more money for us.
April 1st, 2009 at 6:13 am
1] We thank you for coming on this, the day of my daughter’s wedding!
2] Curse you, Red Menace!
3] Watch as my finely-crafted weapon shoots deadly ropes through my opponents! Get yours today!
April 1st, 2009 at 6:15 am
um…my #2 was supposed to have an additional [Thank goodness we don't have problems like this on Earth...] Drat my useless knowledge of HTML…
April 1st, 2009 at 6:42 am
1) Let’s make this the best damn fanfic ever!
2) IMA CHARGIN MA LAZER!
April 1st, 2009 at 7:11 am
1. “I thought the ‘Reds’ were supposed to be on our side!”
April 1st, 2009 at 7:23 am
SPACE NAZIS! I HATE SPACE NAZIS!
April 1st, 2009 at 7:27 am
1. And get your hand OFF of my CROTCH!!!
2. But so help me, Nobody, you are going DOWN!!!
3. So let your impending mortal demises motivate you to VICTORY!!!
April 1st, 2009 at 8:24 am
1. I mean it! Five minutes! My @#$%! nose ITCHES!!!
2. Perforate them COMMIE BASTARDS FROM MARS!!
3. Scramble!! Tito’s mango salad is reaching CRITICAL ASS!!
4. Howzabout a LASER ENEMA ya RED FASCISTS!!
April 1st, 2009 at 8:27 am
5. Right Bucky? I’d like ta see Cap try flingin’ his frisbee out here!
April 1st, 2009 at 9:57 am
1. And stop yelling “pew, pew, pew”!
2. Show those pacifists who’s boss!
April 1st, 2009 at 11:35 am
Airports get worse every year, man.
April 1st, 2009 at 2:54 pm
1. Crap, my tape-measure gun went off! Sorry, guy.
2. Break it up, Fish-Heads! I said NO MUSICAL NUMBERS!
3. And folks at home, you can get a “Sgt. Fury in Space” commemorative plate just like the one I’m wearing. You get the whole set: Derby Guy, Fred From Scooby Doo, and Token Black Guy.
April 1st, 2009 at 3:04 pm
1. Not even CAPTAIN AMERICA for Christsake.
2. So let’s just hope someone’s actually gonna BUY this comic-book!
April 1st, 2009 at 3:05 pm
3. And no need to be “Howling” here, it’s SPACE!
April 1st, 2009 at 3:18 pm
4. Except for Aunt May, of course!
5. Especially not when their ennemies have Whip Gun!
6. Worst, YOU ONLY DIE TWICE!
April 1st, 2009 at 3:19 pm
7. “Here is Cpt. Picard speaking. Who are you and what are you doing in my bloody holodeck???!!!”
April 1st, 2009 at 3:39 pm
“Duggan! Why are you wearing your durby under your space helmet?”
April 1st, 2009 at 3:40 pm
“Unless you’re the Hulk. That guy has all the luck.”
April 1st, 2009 at 3:42 pm
“Damn it! Who loaded my gun with a bo staff?”
April 1st, 2009 at 3:44 pm
“Blonde soldier number 2, get down here and put your anti-gravity boots on. I have eyes in the back of my head, damn it.
April 1st, 2009 at 4:07 pm
“Give me back that Fillet-O-Fish. Give me that fish. Give me back that Filet-O-Fish. Give me that fish. What if it were you hanging up on this wall? If it were you in that samdwhich, you wouldn’t be laughing at all.”
April 1st, 2009 at 5:13 pm
12. SO TAKE THAT, CLIFF RICHARDS!
April 1st, 2009 at 5:18 pm
8. And trust me, even if we’re in space, EVERYBODY WILL HEAR ME SCREAM!!!!
April 1st, 2009 at 5:40 pm
Especially these guys!
April 1st, 2009 at 5:55 pm
“Stay tuned for the next episode of ‘Pigs in Spaaaaace.’ “
April 1st, 2009 at 6:53 pm
1: And for the love of God, PROTECT YOUR FISHBOWLS!
2: Now somebody get my licorice stick out of this guy’s chest!
3: Drinks are on me after this is over!
4: Wait, are these Nazis or partisans?
April 1st, 2009 at 7:09 pm
13. SO LET’S ALL ACT LIKE MEN AND GRIMACE!
April 1st, 2009 at 7:29 pm
MERRY CHRISTMAS YA FILTHY ANIMALS! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR, TOO!!
-or-
Better dead than red, scaly and Mohawked!!
April 1st, 2009 at 10:49 pm
And stay tuned for DUMB ASSES IN SPAAAAAACE!!!!!!
April 2nd, 2009 at 6:58 am
1. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
2. MY GUN CAN’T SHOOT STRAIGHT.
3. LOOK AT ME WHEN I KILL YOU!
4. I WANNA BE A CHELSEA PENSIONER!
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:01 am
Gang way I gotta go the can before I…too late!
In space nobody can hear you crap yourself.
The security in this space port sucks.
April 2nd, 2009 at 10:54 am
Dinner’s in 30 minutes, and THESE FISH WON’T FRY THEMSELVES!
April 2nd, 2009 at 11:00 am
Cry havoc, and let loose the dogs of allegorical jingoism!
April 2nd, 2009 at 11:38 am
1. “And what the hell am I doing in a ‘What If’ Issue? Call my agent!”
2. “Now! Turn the griller on!”
3. “But Elvis is still alive!”
4. “Unless you are Michael Jackson.”
April 2nd, 2009 at 1:41 pm
1. YOU LIVE JUST LONG ENOUGH TO BE IN THE SEQUEL!
(Dark Knight Spoof)
2. nu-nu-nu-nu-nu-nu-nuh (Million Dollar Man Sound)
3. WHEN IN SPACE, DO AS THE SPACEMEN DO…MOON WALK!
4. Unless you have a power level of OVER 9000!
5. I get knocked down, but I get up again..hahah…Chumbawumba
April 2nd, 2009 at 3:34 pm
1. But Cory SHould Win, cuz its his Birthday!
2. We can’t let Steve win!
April 2nd, 2009 at 6:43 pm
SO THANK GOD THESE SPACEMEN AIN’T NOBODY!!
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:19 pm
I need to redo my number 7
7. Sgt. Fury…his is your helmet speaking…your oxygen just ran out.
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:22 pm
7. Where the hell’s my Latte?
8. INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH!!!
9. It’s Morphin’ Time!
April 2nd, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Dammit Dugan, take off that stupid hat.
April 3rd, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Using a bugle as a sonic weapon in space while wearing a closed helmet shouldn’t be the most impossible thing we do all day!
April 3rd, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Especially that kid with no hat, cigar, or bugle to set him apart and show his character! Sorry, nameless extra!
April 3rd, 2009 at 6:08 pm
1.But don’t let that stop you from trying!
2.Five bucks to the guy who gets the reference!
3. That Includes COmmies!
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
4. Except goldfish! You see what happens when you flush ‘em?
5. Crap! Is the Japanese space station? These Orientals all look the same to me.
6. Get yer fins off me you DAMN DIRTY FISH!
April 4th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN RUN AWAY!!!!DAMMIT!!!
April 4th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
that is my #8
April 4th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
“Ugh! Geez, I just…good thing I’m wearing Spacies, the NASA approved astronaut diaper.”
April 5th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
“FOR FISHPAAANTS!!! Um, FOR EARRRTH!! What are you looking at? I’m not with them.”
April 5th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
14. SO LET’S LICK THESE GUYS! *small print* Wait, I didn’t mean… oh hell, just *big print* FIRE!
April 5th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
15. WITHOUT EXPERIENCING AT LEAST ONE ATOMIC WEDGIE! OOOOW!
April 6th, 2009 at 11:38 am
9. And can somebody catch that goddamn floating gun before someone get hurts!
April 6th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
“No fear! They’re just like you and I. They need oxygen to breathe and you can penetrate their bodies with a stick of rope.”
April 7th, 2009 at 2:12 am
aren’t you sorry you superglued you hat to your head now?!?!
April 7th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Jeff, for reference to my number…1 in comment 63
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sYBqhOEdRQ