Caption Contest 40: Ask not for whom the Doom tolls …

While we wait with quivering anticipation for Jeff Rients' Judgement on Caption Contest 39, here's our next entry to spur your creative juices (assuming juices can be spurred):


I'll make the balloon big enough to accommodate the winner, so don't worry about that -- it's kind of tiny. Something about this image just tickled me, either the somehow smaller-than-expected Doom, or the furtive look, or even just the fact that Doctor Doom is talking on a cell phone. I mean, who's he calling? And when does this take place, during a massive slug-fest with the FF? "Hey Reed, hang on a sec, I got a call. Yeah, go ahead girl, what up?"

Anyway, come up with the best dialog for the balloon and you'll win your very own custom black and white illustration from yours truly! Just keep it clean, keep it to no more than three entries, and keep the entries to the comments of this post.

That's it! So get busy and wow us, baby! Or you might be getting a call from Latveria you do NOT want to hear ...

78 Responses to Caption Contest 40: Ask not for whom the Doom tolls …

  1. 1. Hi Mister Von Doom. My name’s Sarah Wai Ping. Do you have time to answer to a quick poll about your consummer habits?

  2. 1. How would I rate my bank’s service? Five is the highest? Four.

    2. It’s me, Baron Zemo. I fell off the wagon again.

  3. 1. Can you hear me now?

    2. Honey, I’m going to be late tonight, my death ray was short circuited by Reed Richards.

    3. Hello. No, I’m in the middle of something.

  4. FOOL! HOW DARE YOU DEFY — oh, yeah, I can hold….

  5. 1) Yes, pepperoni pizza, EXTRA oil. I’m feeling rusty…

  6. 1) So what are you wearing?……..Oooh, that’s hot!

  7. 2) I need 50 dollars to make you holler, I get paid to do the WILD THING!

    (Ah Tone-Loc, where art thou now?)

  8. 3) You think you can just call me at any time of night? Who do you think I am, your BOOTY CALL?!?

  9. Yes, 2 death rays and half dozen atomic hand grenades

    WAZZUP???, Chillin drinking a Bud

    You get that thing I sent ya??

  10. Hey Mr. Fantastic, do you have Prince Albert in a can?

  11. 1.) Doctor Collins ? Yes this is Doctor Victor Von Doom I need to set up an appointment for my Prostrate exam.

    2.) Yes my refrigerator is running. .. What do you mean I better go catch it … IS THAT YOU STORM?!?!

    3.) Thank you for calling the Invisa Babe hotline! Your credit card will be charged $5 for the first 10 minutes and $1.99 for each addtional minute.

  12. (whispering)
    *MooooOOoooom! I told you not to call me now!**

  13. “I’m not gonna…But Im fighting Richards…He’ll think I’m…*whispered* I love you too.”

  14. 2) Student loan officer? Um, yah, um, wrong number, bye!

  15. 1. *te-he-he* Er, yes, I would like place an order for delivery. The Baxter Building. Thirty-two anchovy and onion pizzas, extra anchovies. Yeah, we’ll have cash…

    2. Hello, Mr. Yakatori? My name is Victor von Doom, and I’d like to talk to you about joining my new world order…

    3. Ma, I told you not to call the business line! But I… They’re not my friends! I know, Ma… I won’t catch a cold, I’m wearing my cloak!

  16. Yes, three cases of the knockoff Eternity for Men. I’ve got some schmucks lined up to do “wholesale distribution” next week.

  17. (that was my third)

  18. Phone: Hey wecome to hot babes hotline, what can I do for you?

    Doom: Mom!?

  19. Yeah…yes it happned again…no…no….Mom! Just get my oil can!

  20. No I don’t want to vote for him! leave me alone!

  21. 1. Damn…socks.

    2.PICK UP YO-Oh hey.

    3. I love 1-800-EVIL-LUV!

  22. #1 – Hello….Dial A Prayer? I….I just need someone to talk to. I’ve been really bad today.

    #2 – Is this Dr. Richards? It you have any naked pictures of your wife? No…funny….Prince Namor has plenty!

    #3 – Now Miscreant, do you hear the sound of Doom approaching!!! What… oh Kang. What’s up dog? I must’ve hit the wrong number on my speed dial. Yeah I’m just messin’ with Richards again. Catch you later.


  24. I pressed 2! Why is everything in Spanish?!?!

  25. No, no, no…You aren’t supposed to acually attack, you fool! What do you mean you’re losing service? I can hear you just fine!

  26. 1. Is your refrigerator running?
    2. If you hang up I will kill you.

  27. 1. Doom. Speak.

    2. Doom will hold.

    3. It’s Vic. Vic Doom from Latveria.

  28. 1. the number you have dialed in is not in service, please hang up and dial again, if you are calling from a touch tone phone press 1 …

    2. Hello, Mort’s Computer repair …

    3. TIME OUT, i’ve got call …

  29. 1. “No, I don’t want to take part in a quirk survey.”

    2. ” I just bought stocks, you just saw me buy stocks.”

    3. “Hey girl can I hit you back?”

  30. Honey, not when I’m on the John! Call me back later.

  31. “I will NOT hold, your name is NOT Robert, and you WILL restore my settings or Doom will defenestrate your entire department!”

  32. What? No baby, I’m not trying to kill the mood – that really is what I’m wearing right now.

  33. What? Why would I want to go to Australia? I don’t even know Scarecrow – isn’t he a DC villain? Who’s Dorothy? This…this is a prank call isn’t it?

  34. I mean, that’s great and all Barack, but around here we elected a president who looks like a robotic Little Red Riding Hood.

    Yeah, but nobody *knew* about Nixon.

  35. 1) NO! Doom does NOT want to switch his long distance!

    2) Doom WILL have two large pies with extra cheese!

    3) Doom demands your supervisor! Doom did not spend $700 on text messaging!

  36. 1) Dad? I…I’m at Steve’s…yeah…I think I drank too much…can you come get me?
    2) May I speak with I. P. Freeley? *snicker*
    3) You’re seriously breaking up with me over the phone!?

  37. Doom told you! It’s not Doom in that stupid movie, it’s a Doom-bot! Now leave Doom alone!

  38. 1- Hello, Doctor, could you tear off one of my wisdom teeth ?
    2 – I believe i am pregnant.
    3 – I speak to the blacksmith ? My armor need a complete control.

  39. I asked for a RED Cape and a basket of cakes!!!!!!!

  40. 1. “SSSShhhhh…my grandma will hear me…..are you naked?”

    2. “Hell..yes it’s an emergency!!! I have the runs and I need the Jaws of Life!!!!”

    3. “Well it only weighs 3 ounces..It’s about 3 1/2 inches long and well…..Of course I’m talking about my cell phone! Richards you’re a pervert!”

  41. 1. Look, if you don’t learn to speak better english I will send a Doombot to dispose of you!

    2. So Sue, do you think Reed suspects anything?

    3. Yes, My name is Vic…. Reed Richards, and I am calling in regards to the prices of your natural male enhancement products.

  42. are you sure it’s mine?

  43. 1) Sooo, I was calling to see how long I should wait to see the effects… As of now there isn’t a change in size, no.

    2) Magnito I— Oh, wrong number… Sorry.

    3) … And I told her that if he isn’t gonna apreciate her for who she is, than she deserves better.

  44. “No grandma, I haven’t taken over the world yet…..Well, Richards won’t let me.”

  45. “What do you mean he can’t come to the phone right now? Do you have any idea what I’M doing right now?”

  46. “Oy, I rule a small European country. I should have someone taking calls for me.”

  47. No mother, Doom hasn’t been too busy to call you. Yes, Doom is sorry that he didn’t reach you last Midsummer. No, Doom didn’t simply forget. No, Doom hasn’t defeated Richards lately, but he is working on a project that is sure to… No, it’s not needlessly complicated. Doom has told you, he won’t speak in first person.

  48. 1. In my first entry, it should read survey not poll.

    2. One thousand dollars for that cellphone and it doesn’t even WORK in my UNDERGROUND lair!

    3. I saw the commercial less than 20 minutes ago, so I can have the instruction manual for free, right?


    2) Alright, I’ve opened Control Panel, what do I do if it’s still flashing?

    3) Yeah- yes. Yes, mom I’ll be home before nine.

    (Alright this is inappropriate and thus probably disqualified, but I also thought
    “Now describe exactly what you’re wearing right now…”

  50. Avatar HalLoweEn JacK

    1. Er, hi, this is Doom… Yeah, Victor… membership 89397… I’ve, um, locked myself in my armour again…

    2. I said NO ANCHOVIES!

    3. Hi Sis. Bad news… its Mom…

  51. Avatar HalLoweEn JacK

    Bah – If i’m allowed to, can I change number 2? I hadn’t seen the previous post… if so, change it to…

    2. I can hear you breathing, you jerk!

  52. Avatar HalLoweEn JacK

    that fact that his left hand is off panel and obviously around groin height made it very hard to keep this one clean.

  53. 1. DJ Doomy mixing the tunes again!

    2. Damn the old magnetised phone trick, i’ll never get this off now!!

    3. Osama you are right, the reception is crap in these caves!

  54. Yes, that’s right I said 50 cases of Turtle wax…

  55. 1) “So… in the comics I wear a battle suit… but in the movies my skin mutates to metal?”

    2) “Explain to me again WHY the movie version of me doesn’t even mention the total control over Latveria…”

    3) “So they made a video/camera phone with internet capabilities and unlimited free texting, and you thought I’d rather have the phone that’s shaped like a harmonica?”

  56. 1) Doombot 4419 will pick up your capes from the cleaners, master.

    2) Doom would like a larger phone. Doom looks emasculated holding Doom’s phone with pretty fingers.

    3) Well, doc, really… Do girls think I’m overcompensating with the riveted eyebrows and moustache?

  57. change my 2nd entery with this.


  58. sorry my first one was supposed to say quick not quirk

  59. yes i am interested in changing my phone company

  60. 1. Do not question Doom! I need toilet paper right now. And, um, a can opener.

    2. Wasssup!

    3. Thank you for voting for American Idol contestant number three.

  61. I think you should get yourself tested……… I’m not just sure, I’m HIV positive.

  62. She broke up with me. She said I was too “static clingy”

  63. !). Yes, mom. I’ll remember to get the milk.

  64. 1. Sabretooth, Kingpin, Sandman…now we just need Liefield and the Green Goblin.
    2. Hello, Latverian Express? I’ve misplaced my Adamantium card. It’s number 0000000000000001.
    3. Podiatry, actually. You know, nobody ever asks me that.

  65. Yes, I am calling regarding your extended warranty coverage on Supervillain Battle Armor slash Sith Life Support Suits….

  66. 1: Mr.Doom, this is Dr. Kilgore. We are sorry to tell you that your test results are positive for Heavy Metal Poisoning.

    2: Stop calling Tony… Yes, your movie was better, I don’t care… are you drinking again?

    3: Yo, Green Goblin. I think I left my purple sinister hood at your place… can you zoom it over?

  67. RICHARDS!!!, wonna come over?

  68. “Uh-huh…uh-huh…uh-huh…uh-huh. …Got it. Dump all my Midway stock? Why? …OH SHI-“

  69. No Mom I am not terrorizing the Richards Boy.
    Yes home by ten… Ilove you too.

    Sinestro yeah you were right being trapped in an elevator with the invisible woman is… SO disappointing.

    Hello Maintenance… It’s Doom yeah I’m stuck in the stall again.

  70. 1. Richards, hey. I’m in the cash cab, and I needed to know …

    2. Hello, my cholesterol’s down.

    3. Okay, I don’t know how you’d show this, but I’d love to see Doom put on hold to the Mr. Roboto song.

  71. Honey i really can’t talk right now , i am kinda in the middle of something…YES I WILL PICK UP SOME MILK.. BYE! I LOVE YOU TOO..HONEY BUNNY..

  72. What do you mean Green Is So Last Year? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM !!! I am Victor Von Doom!!! Plus Green brings out my eyes…you know!

  73. Hello and welcome to the supervillain hotline. This call may be recorded for quality purposes. For account information, press 1. If your doomsday device is malfunctioning, press 2. If the heroes are knocking on your door, press 3. If your costume is out of date, press 4. If you need to rent more minions, press 5. If you need to punish the fools, press 6. If you need help deciphering ancient tomes, press 7. If your second in command is in league with the heroes, press 8. If your army of mind-controlled giant robot ant-sharks with laser beams on their antennae has stopped working, press 9. For all other calls, press 0, and a representative will be with shortly. Your call is important to us.

  74. 1: “Hello, I am checking to make sure my medical insurance covers burns and various random beatings… why? No reason. I just have this funny feeling.”

    2: “Can I get extra evil with that?… FIne, pepperoni is fine.”

    3: “Yes, I would like to buy the book ‘Defeating a Team of Four Super Heroes’ at your low television price of $24.99!”

  75. .Yes, I forgot my password, My name is DoomIsTheMan1337, yes I have full Rune armor.

    .Hey, this is Doom again, I know I left you fifteen messages already, But um….Call me back ok?

    .Yes doctor, Is it true that cell phones can give you Rust? I heard Some Mechanical mice get it.

  76. I’ll have a turkey sandwich,extra onions,hold the salad and a…diet coke.

  77. 1. It’s like nobody appreciates what I do!

    2. Maybe if I torture some peasants I’ll feel better. It worked for Bush.

    3. She said she wasn’t ready for a commitment so I disintegrated her. Women!

  78. hello hey mom can you bring me my blacket and tetty bear im scared….