Aaugh!
Nobody did one? Man—here’s one for Jednookie from my wife, if you want it.
“Now that you’re too hoarse to scream, just LISTEN. If I’d known my soul would be trapped in the sculpture I’d made, I’d have made it CUTE. But I drank the local hooch and wasn’t quite thinking. If anybody ever tells you a patch of mud is sacred, BELIEVE THEM! Now, I need you to get word to my family. I’m legally dead. My body is destroyed. The insurance policy is in a wall safe behind my second archaeology diploma. The combination is . . . “
Crediting her, you could refer to her as Sunni D . . . 
