Re: Herr D’s CFLs

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Herr D

@Stulte said:

Hah! Awesome!

The Commercial Art Science Team, Ltd., began charging a nominal fee for improving ads very subtly. Instead of merely airbrushing the models and cut-pasting the best features available from every model, they began quantifying to the hair how pictures sold the most product by high-speed camera measuring retinal response.

The following excerpt is reprinted by permission from Hairy Deewon

The fact is that women in ads should NEVER look average, be of average build, have any particular flaw that can’t be taken out. Besides that, they should be too thin to survive supporting their mammary glands without being crushed under their own weight and just in general be too idealized to count as human anyway. This IS the digital age. I’m not being sexist, I’m being capitalist.

Remember retinal involvement.

Right! The human retina will sooner notice and focus longer on certain shapes and colors. Those do include the shapes of human genitalia and other favorites, but that’s not all. Taller, thinner shapes, faster moving shapes, shapes moving more directly toward or away–so, on a runway, a taller, thinner model will draw the human eye more successfully. This is exactly the same sort of science that helped the insurance industry realize that small red cars used to get more speeding tickets.

By the almighty dollar, if I’m paying someone too much money to get people to come and buy my stuff, they better not use a big blue car and waste my money!

We all want OUR pictures looked at longer.
There’s this woman named Iris. Getting into and out of her enemies’ stronghold is never a problem. The problem is staying anywhere in particular!
On a recent trip to the zoo, my young were tired and inexplicably went straight to the fence between the main thoroughfare and the biggest restaurant. My littlest started holding the fence and playing “lean back, jerk, let go, grab” while my oldest started staring down at the diners, fascinatedly for no apparent reason. Three tables full of diners looked up at her, as if to say “What are YOU looking at?”
I nudged my littlest and said, “It’s feeding time here at the HUMAN enclosure. Do you remember what they look like from last time?”
My littlest shook her head and said, “No, Daddy.”
I nodded as gravely as I could. “Well, you ARE new at this.”
One guy laughed. He wasn’t at the tables. He was far enough I hadn’t thought he could hear me.
Oh, well. (7/21/14)
Some classes I wish I’d taken: “Common Lies Used In Marketing,” “Social Prerequisites For Dating,” “Why People Pretend Those Stupid Moves Count As Dancing.”
I made this for Hairy’s blog at HairyDeewonIsNotAnAlien minors ask permission from your folks, please. He uses a lot of my artwork.