Re: Herr D’s CFLs

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Herr D

[door opening]
“Who are you?”
“Captain Kovacs? I’m John Stibbs? Here to represent Jonah Johnson in his lawsuit against you?”
“What lawsuit–against me?”
“Against this precinct, sir.”
“What for?”
“Religious discrimination, sir. Mr. Johnson is a member of The Amber Missions Church.”
“You can’t be serious–we’ve had no dealings with those fifty nitwits!”
“Forty-seven, sir. And yes, actually, you have. Mr. Johnson twisted his ankle avoiding the broken glass on the steps of the station as he came inside. We will be suing for ten thousand dollars.”
“Some religious example; a petty lawsuit for personal gain of a cult member. I thought they weren’t supposed to HAVE any money.”
“The settlement will go to a trust to recruit forty-seven more members and educate them in the Church’s ways.”
“He could have put shoes on. Why did he need to come inside the police station anyway?”
“You posted a reward for information on a case requiring visiting the station. And you publicly promised amnesty to the first guilty party to turn themselves in. Both actions required entering the police station. And his religious beliefs require remaining barefoot.”
“You mean the foundation vandalism case? Let me see that!” [snatches folder, starts reading and turning pages]
“As you can see, he has forty-six signed confessions from the perpetrators, a checking account giving me signatory power, and a list of disreputable contractors he advises not to use for the repairs.”
“What in the name of–“
“He claims that his church discovered a type of meditation that allows them to cross dimensions and spread their religious teachings where no other church can even send missionaries. He says he needs me to handle payment of the fair market value for all the damaged foundations and help file the missing persons reports. Gave me a nice retainer, too.”
“Let me get this straight, Stibbs. Mr. Johnson is willing to give evidence and a statement that all forty-six foundations were damaged in attempts to leave our dimension, he’s got money to pay damages, he’s suing us for dirty steps, and he’s claiming his ‘church’ members are all missing?
“And he’s waiting in Interrogation Room D, sir.”
“Hah! That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! Did the officer on duty call a shrink?”
“I’m not sure, Captain Kovacs. I do know that they handcuffed him to a chair and locked him in. Deplorable.”
“Don’t you take that tone with me, you ambulance-chaser! You know he’s a nut even if it’s your job to pretend he’s not.”
“Do YOU have any evidence he’s not at full mental capacity?”
“Yeah, I do! First off, he can’t count! There are forty-SEVEN statements here, not forty-six. Second, how did they fill out a confession for leaving this dimension when they’re missing?”
“Well, they wrote their intentions beforehand–wait. Forty-SEVEN?”
“Is Mr. Johnson’s in there?”
“Um–yes. Yes, there’s one in here for him, too. It says his ‘personal lee line–‘”
“Ley line. A belief of theirs.”
“Whatever. It says his ley line runs through the interrogation rooms, and that he’s sorry about the lawsuit? Why are the lights flickering?”
“We’d better go see this client of yours. Stibbs, I hope your fee doesn’t keep him from getting a good shrink!”