“And for the following, bids will start at three meals, one backscratch. A prototype from a protohuman, Unga’s Bunga was not sold previously because Unga was clubbed to death by a rival for the affections of a certain other attractive protohuman, who shall remain nameless in this exchange. Had Unga been holding this weapon, painstakingly flint-knapped by Dorg Of The Steady Hands, instead of the attractive protohuman’s hair, the incident would have had a much different outcome. It is shaped explicitly for Unga’s hand, but any of your tribe’s healthy members should have a good grip. Unga’s Bunga is suitable for melee combat, crushing nuts, hammering stakes or pikes around a campsite, tenderizing meat, or assuring an attractive protohuman’s compliance.
Do we have an opening bid?”