Category Archives: What Were They Thinking

So, last week on What Were They Thinking? (the place where we look at all of the stupidest and most ill-advised things in all of comics history) we talked about the New Guardians, specifically the villain in the first issue of their series, who was a vampire who infected non-caucasian people with AIDS when biting them. However, I also mentioned the villain of the second issue of the New Guardians series in passing as a further example of the series idiocy. Well, in for a penny in for a pound, we might as well take a look at this guy whilst we can, so Ladies and Gentlemen let me introduce you to Snowflame.

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Rarely here on What Were They Thinking? (the place where we take a look at the stupidest, most ill-advised things in all of comic book history) am I actually lost for words about a subject we cover. I've managed to find things to say about Marvel running rape storylines with both victim blaming and the victim falling for the rapist, Frank Miller turning Batman into a child abuser and the Elongated Man into a viagra salesman, and I managed to talk about The Widening Gyre. But this week, I'm exactly sure what I'm going to say, purely because the sheer level of "WHAT THE ACTUAL" is so far off the charts. And surprisingly, we aren't talking about Marvel. Nope, it is back to DC we turn for this week, as we take a look at Hemo-Goblin.

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Now, I feel I should start this weeks What Were They Thinking? (the place where we take a look at the stupidest, most ill-advised things in all of comic book history) with a caviat. We are talking about a single character this week and not a very long lived one either, with all of this characters appearances taking place in the 1940's. As I am sure everyone is aware, attitudes in the 1940's were quite different to what they are now and that does go some way to explaining why this character is so terrible. However, I am still going to talk about it, because we are not talking about some jingoistic war-time anti-Japanese propaganda (though that is unacceptable as well) or any of the numerous Nazi villains, those are somewhat understandable and, in context of the time, somewhat excusable. This character though, is not. And it happened with all the right intentions as well, which makes it even worse. So, this week, we're going to talk about Fawcett Comics and how they sunk their own Steamboat.

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Last week on What Were They Thinking? (the place where we look at all of the stupidest, most ill-advised things in comic book history) we looked at the Marvel cycle, where Marvel eroded reader investment in their storytelling by overuse of large scale comic book events to change the status quo of their comics universe only to change the status quo back within a short period of time. This week though, we are looking at Detective Comics Comics Incorperated and their own, equally destructive variation, the DC cycle.

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Here on What Were They Thinking? (the place where we look at the stupidest, most ill-advised things in comic book history), we tend to look at individual storylines. We have, in the past, looked at the effects of long term business practices, such as the turmoil caused by DC's New 52 or the battle for control over Archie Comics, but we hardly ever focus on how the creative directions of these companies affect not only their overall output, but their overall perception by the end consumer, i.e. you and I. Both of the Big 2, Marvel and DC have developed unfortunate crutches that they lean heavily on and have leaned on to such an extend over the last 20 years that they're starting to crack. This week we're looking at the Marvel Cycle (DC will come next week).

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You know, here on What Were They Thinking? (the place where we take a look at all of the stupidest, most ill-advised things in the history of comics), there are some storylines that we cover that are generally good ideas let down by stupid descisions, like including a rape and a suicide and victim blaming in West Coast Avengers: Lost In Space and Time, or the backstage feuds that cause the Hobgoblin saga to go off the rails. Other times there are storylines that are just terrible because the people involved couldn't do any better, such as the Image Babwatch crossover. And of course there are those times that see creators who appear to have near limitless talent (like Chris Claremount or Frank Miller) just go mental, and you end up with Whom Gods Destroy or Holy Terror. And then you have this:

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There are some ideas in comics that are offensively bad. Storylines that make you say "why did they think that was ever a good idea" out of disgust and anger. But there are also other times where you say "why?" just out of pure confusion, because an idea that got to publication seems so pointless and so redundant that it should never have been given the go ahead in the first place. And it is the later we are dealing with one this weeks edition of What Were They Thinking? (the place where we look at the stupidest, most ill-advised things in all of comics history) as we are taking a look at The Spider-Mobile.

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Here on What Were They Thinking we like to look at the stupidest, most ill-advised things in all of comic book history. And, as you might expect, cross-overs are always a good place to look for this kind of behaviour. They are the home of such "classics" as the reality punch, two year long clone conspiracies and wars between superhero teams. But which cross-over is the worst of all time? That is a hard question to answer, but I think we can all agree that the title would have to go to Marvel. I mean, they are the people responsible for Civil War, Avengers vs. X-Men and the subject of todays missive, the story which may just take the title of worst cross-over. I am, of course, talking about this...

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Ok, to kick off this weeks What Were They Thinking? (the place where we look at all of the stupidest, most ill-advised things in all of comics history) I'd like to take some time out of the sarcasm and semi-mock-outrage to be a dictionary, and todays word of the day is Cheesecake. So what does the dictionary have to say about the word cheesecake? Well, cheesecake is a noun, the name of a type of cake that has a firm custardlike texture, that is made with cheese (usually cream or cottage cheese, sometimes both) and sometimes topped with a jamlike fruit mixture. I, personally, adore cheesecake, it's my favourite desert. However, there is a more pertinent definition of cheesecake, which is also in the dictionary. This definition is the informal definition, used to describe artwork (originally photographs but now also drawn artwork as well) featuring scantily clothed attractive women, also referred to as "leg art".

So, with the definitions part out of the way, lets move on to the main subject of todays missive shall we. Now, when talking about cheesecake in comics two things should come to mind immediately. Firstly, the 90's and secondly, Image Comics, because the 90's was an era famous for style over substance and Image was the most pervasive perveyor of such comics, so who else do you think we'd be talking about when we're talking about cheesecake (apart from Marvel, but we'll get to them at some other point). So, out of all of the cheesecake Image sold in the 90's, what to start with, oh what to start with? Well, let's start at the event (because it was the 90's, of course there had to be an event centred around cheesecake) known only as EXTREME BABEWATCH! And no, I am not joking. And it gets better...

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To kick off this weeks What Were They Thinking (the place where we look at all of the stupidest, most ill-advised things in all of comic book history) I've got a scenario for you guys. You are on the creative team for the X-Men at Marvel during the early 90's and you've been given a remit to rejig the series, freshen it up and get rid of some old characters to make way for new, more exciting and more modern ones (read guys with lots of guns and pouches and spikes). What do you do? If your answer is create a new team that goes around killing everyone for an unknown prize, then pat yourself on the back, because you think just like a Marvel employee. And if you also said that you'd just abandon the storyline half-way through without any proper plot resolution, then you obviously know that this week we're going to be talking about The Upstarts.

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