Usually here on What Were They Thinking we look at the stupidest, most ill-advised things ever in the history of the comics industry. However, as today is the Christmas Special, we're going to change things up a bit. We're still going to look at something completely mental, something that still fulfils our quota of strange and stupid and full of What The...? moments, but something that cannot and should not ever be described as something bad. Ladies, Gentlemen and assorted alien life-forms, I present to you 2005's GLX-Mas featuring the Great Lakes Avengers.
So, just in case anyone isn't aware who the Great Lakes Avengers are, brief history lesson. The Great Lakes Avengers are a team made up of what can only be described as E-List superheroes who operate out of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, which I'm sure we can all agree is the most glamorous place in the world and a definite hotspot for super-villainy. The team consists of Mister Immortal; who cannot be permanently killed (although he does tend to die a lot), Big Bertha; who gains super-strength by mentally making herself obese (note to self: must not make joke about this being the true American superpower), Flatman; whose body is completely two dimensional, Doorman; who can teleport (but only into an adjacent room) and Squirrel Girl, who is easily the most overpowered character in the history of comic books due to her squirrel-like powers (great climbing/ jumping ability, superhuman agility and strength, heightened reflexes and senses and her powerful front teeth) as well as her ability to speak with squirrels.
Now, with that out of the way, lets get on with the actual issue. The issue contains 6 separate, holiday themed stories. These range from the team taking on long-time foe Dr. Tannenbaum and his army of living Christmas trees, to Doorman visiting his disapproving father for Christmas, only to end up discovering that his father died whilst putting up the decorations and that Doorman himself has become the new Angel of Death, much to the delight of his Dad. But the best bit comes during Squirrel Girl's story.
Now, when I say Squirrel Girl is the most over-powered character in the history of comics, I mean it. In her debut comic, she singlehandedly defeats Doctor Doom, who has just taken down Iron Man. She also holds victories over Deadpool and Wolverine, as well as having saved the world from Galactus by talking him out of eating the planet. So, what do you think happens whilst she is out to get some eggnog? Well, she gets set on by not one, not two, not four, but THREE supervillains at the same time. And we're not talking Stilt-Man, The Jester and The Living Laser here. She had to take on M.O.D.O.K, Terrax and Thanos (yes THANOS) single-handedly. Well, I say single-handedly, she did have the aid of Tippy-Toe, her pet squirrel and he's a real difference maker in these sorts of situations. She took on three Avengers level foes, guys that Thor and Hulk have trouble with on a good day, and she beat them all within minutes. And it wasn't like they were illusions or clones or anything silly like that, the villains authenticity was verified by Uatu The Watcher himself. I mean, why exactly these guys who are usually into things like world domination and ending all life as we know it were doing in Wisconsin trying to stop a member of the Great Lakes Avengers from getting a creamy, dairy and egg based alcoholic beverage is beyond me, but hey, Squirrel Girl kicked Thanos' big grey behind. Makes you wonder why Tony Stark didn't give her the call in Civil War over Spidey, she'd have destroyed Cap's team in no time. #SquirrelGirlForTheMCU
Anyway, I do believe that is it for today. Seasons wishes to all and a Merry Christmas.
Haha, I had forgotten about the Great Lakes Avengers… *sad face* I wish I hadn’t remembered them.
… But I’m a robot!
How does Lurch make that noise? uhhhhHHHHhhhhhHHHhhhHHhhh
…OR AM I? MWAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!