Twenty five or Six Two Four. Or One. Five. Whatever.

The HeroMachine Justice Crusader and Teetotaler Society has chosen to forego the allure of the bottle and a hearty party with our slime-covered super buddy in favor of trying to actually fight crime. It’s an outrage! Or entirely appropriate, I can’t decide which.

Regardless, off we go into the wild blue yonder! If this was the mid-Eighties at Marvel we might be going into the wild Beyonder instead, which isn’t nearly as much fun. Unless you’re Spider-Man and come out of it with new duds.

Is it just me or am I particularly random today?

Ah yes, how well we all know the seductive allure of the temptation to fight evil. Can you blame us for giving in to that sweet, violence-filled calling? Sure you can! This is a blame-first society, get real, people.

Our choice is to take on a warehouse full of five foes or a just one. Now, profiling is wrong, but let’s do it anyway, because who’s going to stop us when we’re carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on our backs, and I don’t mean Dale the Drunken Slime Reporter. You might be tempted to think “Let’s start out slow and go for the singular guy”. I know you might be tempted to think that because it’s right there in the text of the poll. The only way you would NOT be tempted to think that is if you cannot read, in which case explain how you know what these words say! HA, busted, fake illiterate!

Where was I? Oh yes, the problem with thinking the singular target would be easier is that Godzilla also works alone. As does Galactus, Fin Fang Foom, Mr. Megapixel (the extra-dimensional Superman foe who magically causes chaos with his digital SLR camera), and a bevy of other high-powered, butt-kicking foes.

On the other hand, a group of bad guys in super hero comics are usually thugs. And since they’re in a warehouse in New York, odds are good they’re with the Mob, so they might actually offer better target practice. Nothing like beating up on henchmen to get the blood flowing.

Of course they could be Teamsters instead, in which case we’d be in for a whoopin’, alien super suit or no.

So what’ll it be, folks, safety (or death) in numbers, or a mano-a-mano … well, technically a duo mano-a-singular-mono … when did we start talking about mono? I didn’t kiss anyone, did you?! Look, just make a choice already, and tell us why in the comments!

(All text is ©2012 by Matt Youngmark and Chooseomatic Books from the excellent “Thrusts of Justice”, which you should totally go buy your own copy of since we’re only scratching the surface of the hilarity enshrined in these pages).

11 Responses to Twenty five or Six Two Four. Or One. Five. Whatever.

  1. Hard to say, but I’ll go for the ship. It’s harder for the cops to get to, and makes for more expensive forms of collateral damage. Plus, it sounds more Super Villainy than a bunch of mooks divying up counterfeit handbags or something.

  2. I voted for the lone villain, because I prefer threesomes to gang bangs.

    Yeah, I went there.

  3. I say we head off to the harbor, for precisely the reason Jeff said. 5 guys in a warehouse probably means mob henchmen. One lone ne’er-do-well likely means someone with super powers. Time to take off the training wheels and see what our armor can do.

  4. Myro:
    I say we head off to the harbor, for precisely the reason Jeff said.5 guys in a warehouse probably means mob henchmen.One lone ne’er-do-well likely means someone with super powers.Time to take off the training wheels and see what our armor can do.

    I agree.

  5. 5 henchmen? Please – we’re the super cosmic metal guardian or something

    Plus there’s Goo Boy… he can probably do stuff too

  6. William Peterson

    I went for the Loner, on the excellent logic (?) that if it’s a tougher foe, we’re more likely to run into the third member of our team…

  7. I voted for the five guys, just because I don’t think we’re ready for a supervillian just yet. We still don’t understand what the suit’s saying to us, and unless we’re gonna fight with Ivan Ooze stuck on our backs, we should test this thing out on some regular punks first.

  8. I voted for the warehouse, because that’s where the suit said we should go. It never said anything about a ship out in the harbor. The only thing we have to go on there is Goo Boy’s word (slurred though it may be)

  9. We’re having to rely on Dale’s word either way, Kelex. We can’t understand a damn thing our suit says. Probably when Dale sobers up, he won’t be able to understand it either.

  10. There’s two of us, when you consider Dale, and it’s generally considered bad form for two super-powered individuals to attack what is presumably one non-powered individual. Such bad form is often punished with serious ass-whoopage (though with Matt’s writing, I honestly don’t know). So, warehouse it is.

    Also, the suit told us about the warehouse first. I don’t know what kind of prioritizing system it has, but I assume it wouldn’t be all, “there’s a cat stuck in a tree … oh, and by the way, Galactus is about to eat the world.”

  11. X-stacy:
    We’re having to rely on Dale’s word either way, Kelex.We can’t understand a damn thing our suit says.Probably when Dale sobers up, he won’t be able to understand it either.

    True enough, but what the suit said COULD be interpreted as “five guys in a warehouse.” It never said anything that could mean “villain on a boat.” So even if it IS just Dale’s drunken rambling, there’s a form of logic to fighting the warehouse thugs. So long as they don’t turn out to be five innocent kids working in a sweatshop…