Open Critique Day #41

My full-time (non-HeroMachine) job might keep me from actually getting to these before this evening, but it’s time for another Open Critique Day!

If you have a HeroMachine illustration or another piece of artwork you’ve done that you’d like some help with, post a link to it in comments along with your thoughts on it — what you think is working, what you’re struggling with, etc. I will post my critique of the piece, hopefully giving some tips on how to improve it.

Of course everyone is welcome to post their critiques as well, keeping in mind the following guidelines:

  • Make sure your criticism is constructive. Just saying “This sucks” is both rude and unhelpful without giving specific reasons why you think it sucks and, ideally, some advice on how to make it better.
  • Each person should only post one illustration for critique to make sure everyone who wants feedback has a chance.
  • I will not critique characters entered in any currently running contest, as that doesn’t seem fair to the other entrants. You can still post it if you like for the other visitors to critique, but I will not do so.

That’s it! Hopefully we can get some good interaction going here and help everyone (me included!) learn a little bit today.

69 Responses to Open Critique Day #41

  1. So i started it. This is my remake for my FNF Martial artist character. I made for sodwa, but this is too good for the base design contest. (Woody wrote this, not my oppinion.) So if someone want to see the first version go and find it :D

    So this is Taisen in 2012

    http://www.heromachine.com/wp-content/legacy/forum-image-uploads/tarkabarka/2012/04/Tarkabarka_Taisen_2012_promo.png

  2. Man, haven’t posted in one of these in AGES. Dang ME3 multiplayer…

    Anyway, here’s the “techie” of the hero team Entertainers: http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm156/Tuldabar/Heros/Alabaster.png.

    I tried to keep the colors consistant and everything, but something just seems… I don’t know, off? He’s supposed to be the ruler of a western-Europe vampire coven and I like the pose and the face a lot, but I’m not so sure the items work for late nineteenth century.

    Any thoughts at all?

  3. Captain_Kicktar
  4. And here I am, poking my head up as usual. After my misadventure with coloring a couple weeks ago I got some great tips and pointers, and since that image was really a test run I didn’t change it. This, however, is why I did the test run. Her name is Illandra, and she’s kind my anti-hero. I wasn’t completely happy with the shading on the breasts, and I’m not sure about the shoulder pads. Other than that I’m quite pleased.

    http://monalux.deviantart.com/#/d53ol0p

  5. Tuldabar:
    Man, haven’t posted in one of these in AGES. Dang ME3 multiplayer…

    Anyway, here’s the “techie” of the hero team Entertainers: http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm156/Tuldabar/Heros/Alabaster.png.

    I tried to keep the colors consistant and everything, but something just seems… I don’t know, off? He’s supposed to be the ruler of a western-Europe vampire coven and I like the pose and the face a lot, but I’m not so sure the items work for late nineteenth century.

    Any thoughts at all?

    I’m not sure I would go with the big round eyes…or the mismatched boots. And maybe give him a shirt?

  6. Tuldabar:
    Dang ME3 multiplayer…

    http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm156/Tuldabar/Heros/Alabaster.png.

    I

    ME3 multiplayer is extremely fun!!!

  7. Harlequin: So this is Taisen in 2012

    I like the color pops against the grayscale background, the whole thing jumps off the page. The general design of the outfit and her overall look are really nice too.

    I’m mostly getting hung up on the anatomy, notably her left arm and right hip. She should have a buttock at the top of that leg. And the forearm wouldn’t be that high at that angle.

    As always a lot of personality and such in the illustration, thank you for sharing it.

  8. Aaron: Law enforcement/Spy type thing goin on nothin to big

    I like the color scheme and the general concept. Visually speaking my eye gets stuck in the torso area with all the black and dark gray.

  9. Tuldabar:
    Man, haven’t posted in one of these in AGES. Dang ME3 multiplayer…

    Anyway, here’s the “techie” of the hero team Entertainers: http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm156/Tuldabar/Heros/Alabaster.png.

    I tried to keep the colors consistant and everything, but something just seems… I don’t know, off? He’s supposed to be the ruler of a western-Europe vampire coven and I like the pose and the face a lot, but I’m not so sure the items work for late nineteenth century.

    Any thoughts at all?

    really great pic! the face is really perfect. doesnt really scream “vampire” per se. and not really 19th centuryish. i hot more of a “steampunk/wow elf” vibe. not to say that is bad. i really like this pic.

  10. Tuldabar: I tried to keep the colors consistant and everything, but something just seems… I don’t know, off? He’s supposed to be the ruler of a western-Europe vampire coven and I like the pose and the face a lot, but I’m not so sure the items work for late nineteenth century.

    Any thoughts at all?

    I think the character design itself is good and strong. I think part of the problem is just that you have a stark white cape against a stark white background, so you sort of lose the idea of “cape” and instead see just black lines sort of randomly around him. I’d probably go with a simple colored circle behind him to help set that off, and I’d recolor the fallen log, replacing the green with a darker or lighter brown.

  11. Captain_Kicktar:
    http://i891.photobucket.com/albums/ac111/Kicktar/HM/Carrasco-1.png
    Carrasco, a giant and follower of Shadow.

    The whole thing has a great visual impact. A lot of times going black and gray on black and gray can be visually flat, but this one pops well thanks to the way you’ve laid it out. Very nice. I like the eyes for a pop of color as well.

    Good job!

  12. MonaLux:
    And here I am, poking my head up as usual. After my misadventure with coloring a couple weeks ago I got some great tips and pointers, and since that image was really a test run I didn’t change it. This, however, is why I did the test run. Her name is Illandra, and she’s kind my anti-hero. I wasn’t completely happy with the shading on the breasts, and I’m not sure about the shoulder pads. Other than that I’m quite pleased.

    http://monalux.deviantart.com/#/d53ol0p

    First, I think it’s a really good illustration. Love the colors and the character design (I seem to be saying that a lot today), especially that area of the cape behind her and between her calves.

    On the breasts, since you asked about that, I’d probably move each highlight disc up and out a bit. They currently read as if they’re pointing straight at us like an old-school Madonna bra but I think something more natural with where the tips of the breasts would be might sell it more.

    I think I’d probably tone down the red of the spell circles behind her as well. It’s so juicy it jumps right off the background and wants to come to the front plane.

    Finally, the shading on the face looks like a five-o-clock beard on a guy, like she needs to shave.

    Otherwise, like I said, really nice illustration!

  13. Rozenstal:
    http://cs402529.userapi.com/v402529168/21e/6IgTrQ7SXc0.jpg

    Funky! I really like it. Tons of personality and craziness. I have nothing to suggest, I think you nailed what you were going for.

  14. barbario:
    heres pretty much my best one:

    http://i1260.photobucket.com/albums/ii579/barbario1/snowzombies.jpg

    WINTER IS COMING!!

    Ahem. I like the gray and white snowscape, that works great. The zombies themselves are cool too. I can see why you really like this one!

    I don’t think you NEED to do anything to change it but it might be fun to try doing one guy coming up out of the snow without a torso, just the head, one full forearm, and the other maybe a hand or something, to sell the idea that they’re popping up like regular zombies do out of the ground.

  15. Jeff Hebert: First, I think it’s a really good illustration. Love the colors and the character design (I seem to be saying that a lot today), especially that area of the cape behind her and between her calves.

    On the breasts, since you asked about that, I’d probably move each highlight disc up and out a bit. They currently read as if they’re pointing straight at us like an old-school Madonna bra but I think something more natural with where the tips of the breasts would be might sell it more.

    I think I’d probably tone down the red of the spell circles behind her as well. It’s so juicy it jumps right off the background and wants to come to the front plane.

    Finally, the shading on the face looks like a five-o-clock beard on a guy, like she needs to shave.

    Otherwise, like I said, really nice illustration!

    Acck! Madonna bra, my eyes, they bleed…Technically speaking the “cape” is supposed to be the back of her skirt, but that works too. And I didn’t even notice the face shading, I shall fix that. And the cicley thingy. But thank you, I rather enjoyed making this one.

  16. MonaLux: Technically speaking the “cape” is supposed to be the back of her skirt, but that works too.

    My apologies, I misspoke, I definitely read it as the back of her skirt. It looks great.

  17. Jeff Hebert: My apologies, I misspoke, I definitely read it as the back of her skirt. It looks great.

    No problem, and thank you.

  18. skullcraze:
    ok here goes something
    http://i1111.photobucket.com/albums/h476/surs1/hm3-beta4-1.png

    Nice! I like the combination of old-school tough guy with the Forties-era jodhpurs, that rocks. The coloring is really nice too. All of the item choices are spot-on and convincing, he has a real sense of flair and personality.

    The only suggestion I would have might be to do the guns’ and belts’ line color as a dark gray instead of black, since you don’t have black lines on the rest of the figure.

  19. skullcraze:
    ok here goes something
    http://i1111.photobucket.com/albums/h476/surs1/hm3-beta4-1.png

    Jeff told me once, not to mix colored lines and black lines. Other than that, very cool. Love the expression.

  20. Geez! This was supposed to be my entry for the previous OCD, but I forgot everything about it when finally getting to play ME3… It is Sandokan and Marianna (for a change) kissing on board a ship.

    http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/167/c/a/kiss_scene_wip___ocd_edition_by_dionnejinn-d53owgx.png

  21. Dionne Jinn: Geez! This was supposed to be my entry for the previous OCD, but I forgot everything about it when finally getting to play ME3… It is Sandokan and Marianna (for a change) kissing on board a ship.

    Wow, lots to love in this scene. Great and clever ship details, cool environment, and nice figures.

    I don’t think I have any changes to suggest, great job.

  22. Jeff Hebert: I like the color scheme and the general concept. Visually speaking my eye gets stuck in the torso area with all the black and dark gray.

    So make that area lighter?

  23. Aaron: So make that area lighter?

    It’s not so much making it all lighter, but adjust one of the colors in the area so that you can make out what’s going on — where there are straps, where there are buckles, where guns are, etc. Right now it’s just a big blob. So the problem isn’t that it’s dark, it’s that it’s undifferentiated.

  24. Jeff Hebert: It’s not so much making it all lighter, but adjust one of the colors in the area so that you can make out what’s going on — where there are straps, where there are buckles, where guns are, etc. Right now it’s just a big blob. So the problem isn’t that it’s dark, it’s that it’s undifferentiated.

    gotcha

  25. thank you jeff!

  26. Jeff Hebert: Wow, lots to love in this scene. Great and clever ship details, cool environment, and nice figures.

    I don’t think I have any changes to suggest, great job.

    Thanks. I was a bit worried if the third guy steals too much attention from the main characters…

  27. First time I’ve posted on OCD. Any thoughts?
    http://forums.ugo.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=83158&d=1339784393

  28. Thx Jeff. Yeap i see the problems. I think a lot how to show the arms. Thanks the critique if i have time i remade it.

  29. Just sharing some of the assets I’m working on. Here are the three headgears from the last poll. I ended up creating all of them—a rare occurrence indeed. All need Color 2 added but they are essentially finished.

    Winged Headgear: http://www.heromachine.com/wp-content/legacy/forum-image-uploads/dblade/2012/06/Headgear_Wings_SHOW.jpg

    Snake Headgear: http://www.heromachine.com/wp-content/legacy/forum-image-uploads/dblade/2012/06/Headgear_Snake_SHOW.jpg

    Manta Headgear: http://www.heromachine.com/wp-content/legacy/forum-image-uploads/dblade/2012/06/Headgear_Manta_SHOW.jpg

  30. So last OCD I tried putting up Tracy here, and I posted a broken link. Then I reposted, and before you got around to critiquing her, you had to take off for dinner for your birthday. And that’s cool, I hope you had fun. But no one else had anything to offer either. So Tracy’s going back up this week again.

    Tracy was diagnosed with having an “altered reality disorder” (i.e. suffering halucinations), requiring therapy, even institutionalization for a time. The truth is that Tracy Kwong was born with the ability to see into the “shadow world,” allowing her to see the fantasy beings that walk among us for what they really are. Because her perception didn’t fit with that of society’s, her diagnosis and the stress because of it has haunted her.

    http://www.heromachine.com/wp-content/legacy/forum-image-uploads/myro/2012/03/tracy1.png

  31. JEFF
    I U DELITING MY POSTS?

  32. TOOL:
    http://i1224.photobucket.com/albums/ee363/cameron_stanley_84/My%20Characters/TOOL-SteamPunkAbe.png

    I love SteamPunk Abe. Now this is a character I would follow in the funny books.

  33. TOOL:
    http://i1224.photobucket.com/albums/ee363/cameron_stanley_84/My%20Characters/TOOL-SteamPunkAbe.png

    Dude, if I was to picture a Steampunk Abe Lincoln, it would be that, only yours is a touch more awesome. Honestly, sticking a smokestack out of his stovepipe hat was genius. You definitely nailed the tall and gangly characteristics of Lincoln, and all the Steampunk elements are both interesting and genre correct. The only thing I would say is it is too bad his feet got cut off during the export.
    And like dblade, I’d have to say, if there was an Adventures of Steampunk Abe, I would so read that.

  34. Yes, for inappropriate content. This is a pg-13 site. And rape jokes ate neither funny nor acceptable.

  35. Jeff Hebert: I think the character design itself is good and strong. I think part of the problem is just that you have a stark white cape against a stark white background, so you sort of lose the idea of “cape” and instead see just black lines sort of randomly around him. I’d probably go with a simple colored circle behind him to help set that off, and I’d recolor the fallen log, replacing the green with a darker or lighter brown.

    Well, heh… I haven’t even started on the backround yet (sometimes I leave these characters as pure reference points for the book(s) I’m hoping to write someday). I actually followed the white-on-color backround formula on an older pic, so it might work very well for Alabaster. Any suggestions on how to make his gear more “appropriate?” Thanks for the input, btw.

  36. MisterDinoMan

    Myro: Dude, if I was to picture a Steampunk Abe Lincoln, it would be that, only yours is a touch more awesome.Honestly, sticking a smokestack out of his stovepipe hat was genius.You definitely nailed the tall and gangly characteristics of Lincoln, and all the Steampunk elements are both interesting and genre correct.The only thing I would say is it is too bad his feet got cut off during the export.
    And like dblade, I’d have to say, if there was an Adventures of Steampunk Abe, I would so read that.

    Awesome character, I’d lower the hat a little bit. Right now it seems more like it’s floating. Other than that, great job.

  37. Here is my character, Lightning Pug. I had to redesign the costume from last week. Now it’s based off of the Naples, Italy coat of arms.
    https://m.facebook.com/home.php?refid=9&ref=tn_tnmn#!/photo.php?fbid=3584286719196&id=1034070052&set=a.3525563691157.2136255.1034070052&__user=1034070052

  38. @Mad Doctor, lets keep it clean, don’t want to feel the force of Jeff when you get on his dark side.

    Thanks guys for words on my art, I have been trying to make as many differnt types of characters as I can so I can have a wide art pallet. It just came to me and I was like why not LOL :D

  39. Here’s the second stage of a drawing of the character of one of the players in the group that’s playtesting my game. The character, whose name is Gauley, is a Grendemoth, one of the races in the game I’m making, and it was for this picture that I needed advice on hide armor. As it is the second stage of the drawing, I have not done shading yet, though for this particular picture, I decided to use a zig-zaggish pattern to denote fur for the purposes of Open Critique Day, in addition to editing the picture on my computer to increase contrast. My main concern is whether or not the hide armor looks practical or realistic given its design, but other tips would also be appreciated. Also, if you think the “abs” look weird, it’s because they’re not actually abs… *ahem*

    http://www.heromachine.com/wp-content/legacy/forum-image-uploads/jadebrain/2012/06/Grendemoth-Gauley-Outline-Second.png

  40. Updated Totonia from last week.
    http://i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l607/DiCicatriz/Kid%20Chaos/Future%20Timeline/Totonia_Rev_FT.png

    Tried to make her less stiff. I gave her a wide stance since she’s essentially a tank, built to take massive punishment.

  41. This is shaping up to be an awfully long day. I’ll get to these hopefully tonight, but if not, tomorrow morning. For now, we’ll close further submissions though anyone is of course welcome to continue making critiques of already-submitted items. Thanks all!

  42. Firecracker

    DiCicatriz
    New version looks really good nice & clean … but what’s up with the shoes? They really break up the clean line you have created.

  43. I was wondering how to make a big foot type looking character

  44. cyclops captain : http://i1132.photobucket.com/albums/m580/Ryan_Bonmon/kilocyclopscaptain.png

    the great war: http://i1132.photobucket.com/albums/m580/Ryan_Bonmon/hm3-beta1.png

    tell me if its good i worked on it since last week or month can’t remember

  45. Firecracker:
    First time I’ve posted on OCD. Any thoughts?
    http://forums.ugo.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=83158&d=1339784393

    Nice! I like this one a lot, you’ve done a great job assembling the character from the pieces. His head turned out particularly well. The gray against the black and red pops as well.

    The only part I’d work on is his lower legs, which get a little spindly for the mass directly above and below them.

  46. Diga:
    Spider Queen

    http://fav.me/d53pdj0

    Looks good! The design is solid and I like the items you’ve chosen. I’d play with the colors a bit, as the same two reds are used throughout, flattening the image out a fair bit.

  47. Myro: So last OCD I tried putting up Tracy here, and I posted a broken link. Then I reposted, and before you got around to critiquing her, you had to take off for dinner for your birthday. And that’s cool, I hope you had fun. But no one else had anything to offer either. So Tracy’s going back up this week again.

    I like the concept and I like the image on first opening. You definitely get across what this character is all about.

    After studying it a bit, there are a few things I’d tweak. I don’t think the background helps, so I’d get rid of it altogether. Something about the color and the full-canvas area combine to make it seem like it ought to be an actual element in the space but it isn’t.

    I’d adjust the outside of the jacket if possible so it’s wider than the shirt beneath. With them both sharing the same outline it doesn’t quite read as a jacket. That might be due to being forced to mask it to a body shape, I realize, but I have to go with just what’s on the screen.

    Finally, and it’s not your fault, but I hate those shoes. I need to redraw them so they point more forward.

    I like the character concept and the illustration is solid, though, hopefully the nitpicks don’t obfuscate that.

  48. Malfar:
    http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/167/6/3/angertree_the_crazed_by_malfar-d53pfbz.jpg
    He is angry! He is crazy! He is a tree!

    I think “He is angry! He is crazy! He is a tree!” may be my favorite line from an OCD ever.

    Anyway. LOVE this one! Great color, wonderful concept, and a fun result. Tons of personality and it’s presented in a fantastic manner. Spot-on and well done, sir!

  49. TOOL:
    http://i1224.photobucket.com/albums/ee363/cameron_stanley_84/My%20Characters/TOOL-SteamPunkAbe.png

    Can “Abe Lincoln, Cyborg Hunter” be far from theaters?

    Neat idea and well done. You definitely pulled off the effect you were going for. My favorite parts are the steampunk arm and the goggles on the stovepipe hat.

    I’m not as sold on the bullet case on that arm, nor on the steam pipe coming out of the hat. Both look much flatter than the rest of the image and thus seem not to fit.

    Otherwise, nice job!

  50. McKnight57: Here is my character, Lightning Pug. I had to redesign the costume from last week. Now it’s based off of the Naples, Italy coat of arms.

    I wasn’t able to view the image via the link provided, McKnight, I’m sorry. I get a “content unavailable” message from Facebook.

  51. Jadebrain: My main concern is whether or not the hide armor looks practical or realistic given its design, but other tips would also be appreciated. Also, if you think the “abs” look weird, it’s because they’re not actually abs… *ahem*

    I think the armor looks good, and the illustration overall is really nice. Well done!

  52. DiCicatriz: Tried to make her less stiff. I gave her a wide stance since she’s essentially a tank, built to take massive punishment.

    Also, her secret identity is Larry Craig.

    Nice job as always. My favorite parts are the rib cage and the head. I’ll agree with Firecracker and say I think the boots need some sort of top part on the shins to make them work.

  53. ryan: cyclops captain : http://i1132.photobucket.com/albums/m580/Ryan_Bonmon/kilocyclopscaptain.png

    tell me if its good i worked on it since last week or month can’t remember

    It’s a good character design and the scene is nicely laid out. The cyclops itself is very well done, looking savage and strong.

    My main problems are with the setting. It gets so dark in the lower part I can’t tell what’s going on, like with the wolf head — I really had to study it to see if there was a body or not, and still it doesn’t seem like he’s holding a severed head. Plus you have two apparently very bright light sources (moon and fire), yet there’s all this murk.

    There’s an actual moon in the Sky set, which I think would work better than the plain globe you have now.

    Good job though!

  54. OK, hopefully that’s everyone. Thanks again for participating and sorry it took me till this morning to catch up!

  55. maddog21:
    I was wondering how to make a big foot type looking character

    While this isn’t exactly Bigfoot you may find something useful from this to create one.

    http://www.heromachine.com/wp-content/legacy/forum-image-uploads/dblade/2012/06/dblade_WereFu_sm.jpg

    I have the HM3 text string if you would like me to send.

  56. Jeff Hebert: I wasn’t able to view the image via the link provided, McKnight, I’m sorry. I get a “content unavailable” message from Facebook.

    My bad. It was the only way I could post it during my lunch break. I’m coming up with a different design anyway.

  57. Jeff Hebert: I think “He is angry! He is crazy! He is a tree!” may be my favorite line from an OCD ever.

    Anyway. LOVE this one! Great color, wonderful concept, and a fun result. Tons of personality and it’s presented in a fantastic manner. Spot-on and well done, sir!

    Thanks!

  58. dblade: While this isn’t exactly Bigfoot you may find something useful from this to create one.

    http://www.heromachine.com/wp-content/legacy/forum-image-uploads/dblade/2012/06/dblade_WereFu_sm.jpg

    I have the HM3 text string if you would like me to send.

    thanks for the help

  59. Where are the new headgear

  60. So this isn’t my first time using HeroMachine, but it is my first time posting. I’ve browsed the contests before, but never seem to find a contest that fits what I have designed. I know that this thread was set for the 15th, but I’d appreciate a review.

    Saxon Plunder:
    http://i1152.photobucket.com/albums/p484/hathead89/SaxonPlunder.jpg

    Thanks!

  61. For So

    maddog21: thanks for the help

    For some reason I can’t post the text file to the Hero Machine forums. I will post it on UGO and send you a link.