Caption Contest 116

Your challenge this week is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel:

The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author's choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny!

This week we have a cap of no more than five (5) entries per person, so make 'em your best!

52 Responses to Caption Contest 116

  1. Avatar Albannach says:

    Hold that pose, I’ll get the camera!

  2. Avatar Dionne Jinn says:

    “Did that naughty boy attack you?”

  3. Avatar MLS says:

    Doesn’t matter, had sex.

  4. Avatar Gero says:

    1. “Didn’t I already see this on Robot Chicken?”

    (To get that reference look up Robot Chicken Archie Final Destination skit)

    2. “If I help you, you’ll never learn to be independent, son.”

    3. “That reminds me, I have to return that copy of “Anchorman” I borrowed.

    (Again, look it up if you need reference)

  5. Firecracker Firecracker says:

    Huuummmm. I never knew Archie was into auto-erotic asphyxiation.

  6. Avatar Frankie says:

    “Maybe I should have named you Jughead, imbecile.”

  7. Avatar Frankie says:

    “Archie, it says here, accidents in the home are up 35 percent.”

  8. Avatar Kaito94 says:

    1. “And I thought your mother was bad with electronics….”
    2. “Just keep walking, ignore it and it will pass.”
    3. “Lookin’ for a genie, eh?”
    4. “Now that’s a brain fart!”
    5. “No, ‘GAK’ isn’t right, I said I was looking for a 3 letter word for a deity.”

  9. Avatar Frankie says:

    “Did that lamp just fart?”

  10. Avatar Dick G says:

    “It rubs the lotion into it’s skin or it gets the hose again…”

  11. Avatar Lewis says:

    “My grandchildren will be clumsy idiots!”

  12. Avatar dblade says:

    “Oh, Sandusky! Your boy trap worked like a charm!”

  13. Avatar dblade says:

    “That’s it, Lampy! Boy Roping Championship here we come!”

  14. Avatar Dionne Jinn says:

    “You don’t need to strangle the boy only because he said you were of gay colour.”

  15. Avatar Jason22274 says:

    Hmmm, looks like Veronica assigned him more “homework.”

  16. Avatar knight26 says:

    1) That’s not the way autoerrotive asphixiation is done my boy.
    2) This is why my commander’s calls keep getting longer.
    3) Ground safety is going to have a field day with this one.
    4) How many lamps does it take to change a teenager? One.

  17. Avatar Hammerknight says:

    1.”Five dollars on the lamp to win.”
    2.”Dear, Archie is fighting the lamp again!”
    3.”Good thing we bolted the TV to the wall.”
    4.”No son, using the whole lamp doesn’t mean it’s a bigger idea.”
    5.”Good thing it’s a lamp and not a candle, the kid would burn his a** off.”

  18. Avatar FRM says:

    1.”My bets are on the lamp!”
    2.”i think he and the lamp are getting along quite well!”
    3.”is this a charade, or are you being attacked by something pink? Because you know i’m blind to the color pink!”

  19. Avatar TOOL says:

    Kids these days need to get outside more.

    Move along, nothing to see here.

    Get him lampy, that will teach him to mess around with those loose girls.

    Uh huh, fell right into my trap trying to sneak back into the house!

    Yeah I got nothing…

  20. Avatar McKnight57 says:

    If anyone can help out on the comic thing, I just started a Kickstarter project for my comic. Please help out or alert someone who would be able to.

    I’ll post something on this in a bit though.

  21. Avatar Tarkabarka says:

    1. I think you hate the new aerobic video?

    2. I know you always want spotlight.

    3. Honey the lamp again attack Archie! Where is my rifle?

    4. Do this with the girls son! You Pervert!

    5. Use the force Luk.. Archie.

  22. Avatar Vampyrist says:

    1) So that’s how the very special prize was created.
    2) Nope! Too weird.
    3) Archie, Don’t go into the light

  23. Avatar Mr.MikeK says:

    1. Veronica’s fetish is getting out of hand!

    2. Veronica’s been swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.

    3. I don’t even want to know.

  24. Avatar McKnight57 says:

    1) Archie, you’re clearly waaay too into wrestlemania.

    2) Okay, what did you do to the lamp this time?

    3) Who are you? David Carradine?

    4) I told you already! Don’t play footsie with the lamps!

  25. Avatar Gabe Puratekuta says:

    1: “I told you not to insult the lamp, son.”
    2: “Our bloodline’s going to end with you…”
    3: “FINISH HIM!”
    4: “Archie, who let you back in?”
    5; “That poltergeist is way too into that lamp…”

  26. Avatar Dr. Shrinker says:

    I told that boy a re-match was a bad idea.

  27. Avatar Frankie says:

    “Do you want me to get you something from GAK, or Fooklocker?”

  28. Avatar skybandit says:

    1) THIS passed the Comics Code Authority?
    2) Let me get you a lamp for the other foot.
    3) Is this the music video for “Sugar, Sugar?”
    4) Performance art is for peasants!
    5) Wow! He’ll do ANYTHING for Veronica!

  29. Avatar Connor S. says:

    There goes Billy, playing superhero against the lamp again!

  30. Avatar Joel says:

    “You darn kids and your yoga!”

    “I think you’re taking the song YMCA a little to seriously, most people just use their arms.”

    “No, no, no, you’ll NEVER become the next Houdini like that.”

    “Back in my day we didn’t have your fancy lamps. WE had to strangle ourselves with good old fashioned ropes hanging from the ceiling and we liked it!”

  31. Avatar Joel says:

    “Weird, I was JUST thinking the same thing.”

  32. Avatar Corran Horn says:

    1. On a scale of one to ten how, much does it hurt?

    2. Vell, that is not how ve do it in zer Fatherland, but to each zer own…

    3. So, the ginger trap works? EXCELLENT!

    4. America’s Funniest Home Videos, here I come!

    5. Stupid ginger. That lamp doesn’t have a genie in it, and it wouldn’t be able to give you a soul anyway.

    Oh a Jeff, I think I should bring this to your attention. If you scroll to the very top of this page, on the far right, you will see a list, with bullets, of possible things you may create using Heromachine. However, the bullet next to Centaurs is actually an a. Thought you might want to know, I just noticed it myself.

  33. Avatar Worf says:

    1) Damn, auto-erotic stimulation sure changed since my time!

  34. Avatar Worf says:

    2) Hmm, better not say anything or the kid’ll strangle ME instead.

  35. Avatar Worf says:

    3) I think he needs more lessons on roping calves… He’s got it all backwards!

  36. Avatar Worf says:

    4) Better say “uncle”, boy! Before that lamp REALLY gives it to you.

  37. Avatar Mr.MikeK says:

    4. Oh well. I never liked Archie or that lamp. No loss.

  38. Avatar Vampyrist says:

    4) or a revise of my 2)

    Nope! Too weird, I’m not touching this.

  39. Avatar D says:

    Has anyone seen my skatebo—OH.

    Well, I did say ANYTHING was possible.

    –Don’t make fun of her serve again; she’s learned to put more English on it than that. [I haven't seen tennis references here before.]

    [knots, Jeff. I want knots.]

  40. Avatar blaq_aries says:

    1) dammit that’s another college education down the drain
    2) Didn’t I tell Veronica not in the living room
    3) That’s not the way you do S and M
    4) I don’t know what these kids are into nowadays
    5) And I thougt my wife and I were freaky…

  41. Avatar Dionne Jinn says:

    “You really should learn to watch your step, son.”

  42. Avatar E350 says:

    1. Hmm…should I be helping him?
    2. Now, son, when I said you needed to ‘lighten up…’

  43. Avatar Patriot_Missile says:

    Did you accidentally call Sabrina “Betty”, or “Veronica”?

  44. Avatar Kaylin88100 says:

    1) That should do it. Now, off to destroy the world!
    2) Speak in full sentences, please. “Gak!” on its own is not gramatically correct.
    3) So THAT’s where I left it!

    Gonna think of some more over the week. Out of curiosity, why is everyone calling the kid “Archie”? Just following the trend?

  45. Avatar Myro says:

    1. “Archie, when I told you to turn on the lamp, I hope you didn’t think I meant in a sexual way.”

  46. Avatar Myro says:

    Wait, revision time again:

    2. “Archie, when I told you to turn that lamp on, I didn’t mean sexually.”

    Also, a bit of a thought. I’m curious (since I’m pretty sure I’m the only one that does it) as to whether I’m helping my cause by rewriting my own caption jokes, or if my first attempt manages to kill the joke off so that by the (hopefully less awkwardly worded) rewrite, it just ceases to be funny.

  47. Avatar Volt says:

    What the h. are you doing?

  48. Avatar Syntax says:

    That’s an…Interesting safeword.

  49. Avatar Myro says:

    3. “I should remind myself not to throw out that lamp.”

  50. Avatar Moi is now CrabCake says:

    Hold on Archie, i’ll put that on YouTube

  51. Avatar skybandit says:

    @kaylin: the characters depicted are Archie Andrews (who dates back to the 1940’s in American Comics) and Hiram Lodge, richest man in town and father of the girl he’s infatuated with. I would guess that Archie never crossed the pond?

  52. Avatar Jeff Hebert says:

    Corran Horn: Oh a Jeff, I think I should bring this to your attention. If you scroll to the very top of this page, on the far right, you will see a list, with bullets, of possible things you may create using Heromachine. However, the bullet next to Centaurs is actually an a. Thought you might want to know, I just noticed it myself.