Movie Boyfriends

Our Poll Position this week is the counterpart to our last question regarding movie girlfriends, and involves the following datable dilemma (click on the small images to hunkify):

All of these guys are bona-fide hunks, but let me run down the pros and cons as I see them. First, though, what's up with half the list being made up of guys named some variation of "Chris"? That's weird.

  • Chris Evans' "Human Torch": The Human Torch is an immature asshole. Dating immature assholes is a mistake that I have no intention of making. Plus, who wants to date someone who, when dumped for cheating on you (as this guy surely would), burns down your apartment in a fit of pique?
  • Chris Evans' "Captain America": Same guy, different role, different outcome. The movie Cap is a straight-shooting, honest, trustworthy, genuine guy. He'd never cheat on you, always treat you with respect, and would be easily entertained by easily obtainable 2012 gadgets like Bic lighters and cell phones. However, I question how much fun he'd be. Husband, yes, boyfriend? I dunno.
  • Chris Hemsworth's "Thor": Holy Hannah is this guy a hunk. Boorish, chauvinistic, and violent, sure, but hunky. Plus, he likes nerdy girls, which is a huge plus. For a god he seems relatively trainable as a boyfriend, and did I mention he's a hunk?
  • Christian Bale's "Batman": Already a dark, brooding character, Bale takes it to the next level. Sure, he's rich, but what's the point of dating a hot rich guy if he's never around at night to show off? Plus you'd be competing with the memory of his dead true love, which is never easy. Guys with a bit of darkness are cool. Guys who are entirely filled with darkness, not so much. He just doesn't seem like he'd be that much fun to go out with.
  • Christopher Reeve's "Superman": The rugged good looks of some of the others, but with a softer physique and a gentler personality. Plus piercing blue eyes. He's a lovable Boy Scout with a heart of gold, inexperienced in love but clearly desperate to learn. He seems like a genuinely good guy on a personal level, like he'd remember to bring you flowers on his way to saving the world.
  • Dean Cain's "Superman": A lof of the same assets as the Reeve portrayal, but with a more rugged body. However, and this is key, he already has a girlfriend. Never be the third wheel on a bicycle, girls, that's a great tip.
  • George Clooney's "Batman": If you like your Dark Knight not quite so dark, with a rugged set of man nipples showing at all times and a devilish grin, this is your guy. Rich, handsome, and he seems like he'd be willing to take a night off every now and again to take you on an unforgettable date. Sure, he keeps a sexually ambiguous young boy in his house at all times, but who doesn't have some baggage?
  • Robert Downey Jr.'s "Iron Man": Very cute without being intimidatingly beefy, incredibly smart without being condescending, obscenely wealthy without being classist, and possessed of an innate sense of style and fun. If it weren't for the drinking, possibly ideal boyfriend material.
  • Ryan Reynolds' "Green Lantern": Granted, he's handsome in a girlish kind of way, and brave with all the flight testing and such. But at the end of the day he's a whiny emo pretty boy who I want to punch in the face.

I wanted to put Tobey Maguire's "Spider-Man" on here, but Poll Daddy was having none of it. Who am I to second-guess a powerful web site engine? If they won't have him, neither will I, by gum!

Out of that list, the most appealing to me is Christopher Reeve. Most of the other guys on the list either don't seem to really care about women at all or have some sort of debilitating psychological problem that would be a pain in the butt to handle. Reeve has a boyish charm to make that superhuman might less intimidating, and he'd literally move the world to take care of you. Now if we can just get that pesky Lois Lane out of the way he'd be the perfect match!

But what about you, who would you choose? Even if you're a guy, stretch yourself a bit and imagine being a girl, which character do you think would be the most appealing and why?

46 Responses to Movie Boyfriends

  1. ….yeah, I’m gonna sit this one out. 🙂

  2. Wow. I may have to revisit this list throughout the day before making my final decision. Ahem.

    They are all certainly dorm-room-poster material (with the possible exceptions of Reeve & Clooney– never really found them appealing). As the marrying kind, though, I have to with Cap. Seeing as I have no desire to be a cougar, I have to go with Downy.

  3. I disagree with you, Jeff, on Cap. He may not be the ideal fun boyfriend but he’s certainly a caring, selfless, genuine man. Many girls find that extremely attractive. And not fun? The man takes down Nazis for a living! I’m sorry but that’s too cool. He’s what I call a fixer-upper. He just needs to be taught how to have fun. Plus I like the man-nipples (tehe).

  4. I’ll choose for my wife who let me take her to Green Lantern strictly because Ryan Reynolds was in it.

  5. yeah

    Dan:
    ….yeah, I’m gonna sit this one out.

    gonna agree with Dan on this one

  6. Jessica:
    I disagree with you, Jeff, on Cap. He may not be the ideal fun boyfriend but he’s certainly a caring, selfless, genuine man. Many girls find that extremely attractive. And not fun? The man takes down Nazis for a living! I’m sorry but that’s too cool. He’s what I call a fixer-upper. He just needs to be taught how to have fun. Plus I like the man-nipples (tehe).

    I gotta agree with Jessica on this one. He may not always have fun, but you’d be damn sure he’ll care and do what he can for any woman he’s with. I mean, how many guys do you know that would be making plans for dancing (despite knowing how) as they’re plunging to their death. (Strictly talking about the movie.)

  7. Oh come on, have some fun with it! I’m secure enough in my sexuality to put myself in the shoes of a straight woman or homosexual man considering one of these guys. Putting ourselves in worlds of fantasy with no intention of actually becoming the thing we’re role-playing is what we do as nerds!

    Dan:
    ….yeah, I’m gonna sit this one out. :)

  8. The Human Torch and Captain America are the same person? Since when? I wonder how hard it is for him to not use his fire powers when he is in his Captain persona?

    I’d pick Christopher Reeve(If that’s the kind of thing that I was interested in.)

  9. Iron Man! I’m a gearhead girl, and I loooooooooove computers, electronics, etc with a passion, and I have similar sort of sense of humor. 😀

    And… oh my, he’s *swoon* quite handsome as well.

  10. Nick Hentschel

    I’ve NEVER understood why Superman (particularly Reeve’s version) isn’t more of a sex symbol!
    Think about it, ladies: he’s handsome, intelligent, educated, up on current events (he’s a reporter, after all), naturally buff, kind beyond description, presumably makes a great living, can offer both the glamour of celebrity AND the quiet life in one package (thanks to his secret identity), is both a small-town boy AND a city boy at one time, can boast both an exotic background AND and all-American upbringing, he’s brave, selfless, noble, great with kids and animals, likes and even PREFERS a strong woman, can carry off a suit and spandex with equal facility…. and he never lies! Honestly, what more do you want, girls?

    And yet they’re all moaning over Bruce Wayne, the dysfunctional playboy with a mean streak. I’d rather be unfairly compared to Clark, any day of the week!

    /rant

  11. I’ve always felt the Dean Cain Superman was the most underrated portrayal of the character. He was everything Reeves was (and everything Brandon Routh tried to be but failed miserably) but with the added bonus of being genuinely likable, in the sense that he seems fun and interesting as a person. This may lead to me being crucified but I never liked Christopher Reeves’ Superman. He just bored me to death.

  12. I’ve NEVER understood why Superman (particularly Reeve’s version) isn’t more of a sex symbol!

    Two reasons, IMO. Funnily enough, both of them are cited in the OP.

    1. Superman already has a girl. No matter how many stupid “reboots” DC runs their characters through, Superman will always belong to Lois Lane. So the only girls who would be interested in him are the ones who love the idea of being “the other woman”. Which incidentally ensures that Supes, being a thoroughly decent and moral man, would have no interest in them. Which leads me to my next point…

    2. It’s all down to the difference between boyfriends and husbands. When girls (and guys for that matter) think of “sex symbol” they think of someone fun and exciting. Basically, someone who’d be really great in the sack. They’re not thinking of who will be good providers, good future parents, etc. Boyfriends are for sex. Husbands are for settling down. At first glance Superman seems to make a better husband than a boyfriend.

    And of course, there’s that whole “men of steel, women of kleenex” thing. Being crushed to death, gutted from crotch to crown, and having your head blown off during sex are big turn-offs.

  13. Jeff, Thanks for adding the eyes: female standard bit. Not sure when that actually happened. I just noticed it.

    Btw, if anyone’s trying to make a comic right now, I thought I’d share some inside info. I spoke to Paul Dini (former writer of Batman comics and animated series) and he informed me that presently, the best publishing option is self-publishing. All you really need is the money and a local shop or on-line vendor to distribute for you. As for those of you wondering how the hell I know a guy like Dini, his brother is a long-time friend of my family. Anywho, just thought I’d give you an extra leg up.

  14. Thor – he’s fun and a hunk (could’ve sworn I left my manliness here somewhere)

  15. Nick Hentschel:
    …. and he never lies!

    And yet they’re all moaning over Bruce Wayne, the dysfunctional playboy with a mean streak.I’d rather be unfairly compared to Clark, any day of the week!

    /rant

    Nick, did you really think about the whole NEVER lies thing? Because I’m pretty sure no woman (and certainly no man) wants to have this conversation: “Honey, do these jeans make me look fat?” “Absolutely dear. You know I’d never lie to you. …. Wait…where are you going?” or
    “My mother’s coming to town to stay for 3 weeks…is that ok?” “Not really…” “What?!” “You know what, I think I’ll just stay at my Fortress of Solitude (aka garage man-cave) for the next 3 weeks.”

    Yeah, complete honesty’s highly overrated and often backfires.

  16. McKnight57: Nick, did you really think about the whole NEVER lies thing? Because I’m pretty sure no woman (and certainly no man) wants to have this conversation: “Honey, do these jeans make me look fat?” “Absolutely dear. You know I’d never lie to you. …. Wait…where are you going?” or
    “My mother’s coming to town to stay for 3 weeks…is that ok?” “Not really…” “What?!” “You know what, I think I’ll just stay at my Fortress of Solitude (aka garage man-cave) for the next 3 weeks.”

    Yeah, complete honesty’s highly overrated and often backfires.

    Oh bah. Just because you’re honest doesn’t mean you’re tactless.

  17. SpellCheckingQuill

    O Captain my Captain, definitely. 😉 I mean, c’mon, he’s got looks, he’s got charm, he’s a perfect gentleman, he’s got looks (did I already say that?), he lets women boss him around, AND I bet he’d totally take you sledding on the shield every winter. Just never agree to play frisbee. Ever.

  18. ^ All-man; likes men.

    For character, I picked Chris Evans/Captain America, but for actor, I’m chagrined about Tobey not making the cut.

  19. ^ All-man; likes men.

  20. My fiancee is shallowly going with Captain America, given his hot hunky body, but I’m saying Tony Stark. Because, if I’m going to play this game, there better be money involved. And Tony seems easier to get along with than Bruce Wayne.

    That’s right. I’m a whore.

  21. When/how will the results be posted in this new poll format?

  22. Whit, oops, I forgot that “show results” was still turned off from the FNF2 contest. I’ve reset the poll to show results now, hopefully it will show up for you.

  23. Nick Hentschel

    Oh bah. Just because you’re honest doesn’t mean you’re tactless.

    Well said, sir. I am tired of honor being depicted as a vice, and there ARE some gentlemen left, thank you!

  24. TheAmazingFrank7

    Just because I’m a big Batman fan, I’d go with Bale’s Bruce Wayne/Batman. He’s got money and an awesome car.

  25. For the record, it was more of an attempt at asinine humor than anything. I am nowhere near that tactless, especially around women, particularly because I have this weird desire to continue breathing on my own.

  26. I’m tempted to go with Captain America because dear lord just look at him *ahem* But I decided to go with his second incarnation up there as the Human Torch. Sure he’s a bit of a hothead at times but in those movies he always came around when it really counted. Also those movies were a lighthearted than the other ones and I have the least amount of fear concerning my ending up collateral damage. I mean do I want to end up like Christian Bale’s Rachel Dawes and die in a gasoline warehouse explosion? No. Stranded on opposite sides of dimensional barriers like Chris Hemsworth’s Jane Foster? No. End up as a bloody smear on the ceiling whenever Superman gets me drunk enough to even try physical intercourse? No. Have Green Lantern skip out on me to go to the farthest quadrant of the universe every five minutes? No. So suffice to say, Human Torch is a fun goofball with heart who happens to inhabit the only universe where people don’t die every five seconds. Plus if things get serious you would marry into an awesome family! Not to mention Chris Evans is gorgeous. Just beautiful.

  27. Whit:
    ^ All-man; likes men.

    Here here!

  28. DiCicatriz:
    But I decided to go with his second incarnation up there as the Human Torch.

    I fully understand your reasoning for everything else, though he was the Human Torch first and in two movies no less.

  29. Robert Downy Jr’s Iron Man. I liked him as Iron Man, And he would definitely be able to take me out (if I was female) to an expensive restaurant, or a nightclub, and he’s a pretty cool guy. He inherited a multi-million dollar company, Stark Industries (Stark Industries is a pretty cool guy. He makes weapons of mass destruction and doesn’t afraid of anything. Sorry, had to get that out. Ahem. Moving on), and he’s loaded. He’s chiseled, at least, and has a good sense of humor.

  30. I’d say Cap for this one. He’s got all the perks of Supes, the honesty, the values, the overall niceness, and he is at least human.

    I’d be too afraid Clark would accidentally kill me, if I were dating him, hypothetically of course.

    My second choice would’ve been Stark, but he himself has way too many issues. He has enough money, but his drinking and womanizing would be tough to control and probably lead to a really bad relationship.

    Bruce Wayne is too messed up to even consider. Thor and Human Torch have similar issues to Supes that accidental homocide is a problem. And Reynolds doesn’t seem bad, but he might be off in space for way too long.

    That’s a lot of analysis for a hypothetical, but still Cap is my choice.

  31. Myro:
    My fiancee is shallowly going with Captain America, given his hot hunky body, but I’m saying Tony Stark.Because, if I’m going to play this game, there better be money involved.And Tony seems easier to get along with than Bruce Wayne.

    That’s right. I’m a whore.

    On the other hand, Bruce Wayne would hardly ever be around, what with dividing his time between being Batman and being the annoying playboy always posing for the papparazzi. This of course would leave you with the full run of Wayne mansion, free to do whatever you please.

    With Tony Stark on the other hand, you’d constantly be in danger of him strapping on his armor and blowing his own house to bits in a drunken bender. That or getting you killed by driving drunk.

  32. No Eric Draven or Hellboy? Both like cats.

    I’d say Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark. Not all the suits that he wears are iron. He is sharp, witty, and doesn’t take himself seriously. Thanks to a near-death experience, he is grounded. He slips because he needs to release the pressure that he puts on himself. Trust me, I know what that’s like!

  33. Well, first let me start by asking: Jeff, did your wife highjack the blog for a day???? 🙂 😀

    So let’s go down the list here as if I were a girl:
    – Clooney’s Waine/Batman is way too much of a dope.
    – Bale’s is WAY too obsessed to be any good as a date.
    – Evan’s Torch is, as Jeff said, a hothead and way too much of an airhead for me.
    – Reeve’s Superman is too on the straight and narrow for me.
    – Same for Evan’s Captain America. He seems a bit too “literal” for my tastes.
    – Hemsworth’s Thor is a bit of a simpleton. he doesn’t seem to be all there in the intelligence department. No good for me.
    – Reynold’s Lantern is somewhat of a flake. The guy is afraid of telling a woman he likes her… imagine when he has to say “I love you”… his head will explode. No thank you.
    – Downey Jr.’s Iron Man is a seriously fun guy who knows how to party it up. Maybe a little too much, but he’ll make it up in the end. A serious contender.
    – Cain’s Superman is a lot less stuffy than his counterpart on this list. Seems to be way more adventurous and can think outside the box.

    I’d be really torn between these last two. I think Tony wins in the end because of the geek factor. Imagine convincing him to make an Iron Woman outfit?

    Also, if we’re using Lois to undermine Superman’s eligibility here, consider that Pepper Pots is akin to Bond’s Moneypenny. The girl Iron Man always returns to in the end of the adventure. And Hal Jordan holds a torch for Carol Ferris. So let’s throw that argument out the window, shall we?

  34. Jeff Hebert:
    Oh come on, have some fun with it! I’m secure enough in my sexuality to put myself in the shoes of a straight woman or homosexual man considering one of these guys. Putting ourselves in worlds of fantasy with no intention of actually becoming the thing we’re role-playing is what we do as nerds!

    Dan:
    ….yeah, I’m gonna sit this one out.

    I hear what your saying, but this one just isn’t my cup of tea. I actually didn’t vote last week either, just to be clear. In hindsight, I probably didn’t need to post saying I wasn’t going to vote, but I thought someone might get a chuckle out of it.

  35. Poor Adam West.

  36. Dating for personality, most definitely Tony Stark. Dating for body and hot sex, either Cap or Thor. Only problem is I’m a guy so I’m stuck with staring at pictures and replaying the bit where Thor puts on that tight black shirt over and over.

  37. anyone. but definitely not with captain America!
    dating with a guy using steroid is not a good choice

  38. i clicked on iron man in a impulse, but now i’m not so sure anymore. The drinking would bother me to much, plus i wouldn’t like the background checks at least a dozen organisations would conduct on me simply because i’m dating Tony Stark.

  39. First off… I choose Cap.

    Second… in addition to the drinking, you forget Tony Stark is a dedicated narcissist. Vain to the point of physical pain. pass…

    Third… My name is Chris too and I just realized alot of superheros have that name… I’m going to be a superhero now.

  40. What kind of superhero?

    Zforce:
    First off… I choose Cap.

    Second… in addition to the drinking, you forget Tony Stark is a dedicated narcissist. Vain to the point of physical pain. pass…

    Third… My name is Chris too and I just realized alot of superheros have that name… I’m going to be a superhero now.

  41. no homo, but i would go with Bale’s Batman

  42. Nick Hentschel

    2. It’s all down to the difference between boyfriends and husbands. When girls (and guys for that matter) think of “sex symbol” they think of someone fun and exciting. Basically, someone who’d be really great in the sack. They’re not thinking of who will be good providers, good future parents, etc. Boyfriends are for sex. Husbands are for settling down. At first glance Superman seems to make a better husband than a boyfriend.

    Y’know, I’ve waited a while to say this, but the more I think about this objection, the more ridiculous it seems. As far back as infancy, I was always given to understand that “boyfriend” was merely another step on the road to “husband.” The whole point of dating, boyfriends, and love affairs was to GET a husband 9or wife) and settle down with them. Anything else was simply an immature, irresponsible waste of time. So why date someone if NOT to make them your husband?

    I stand by Christopher Reeve. This “fling” stuff is simply autoeroticism, in my opinion.

  43. I think it’s a little harsh to dismiss pure-fun relationships as immature, irresponsible wastes of time. Sometimes you’re not ready for a serious commitment (maybe the last relationship you thought was forever turned out to be significantly shorter and you’re still hurting, maybe marriage is not and has never been one of your goals) and if you’re upfront about that, and your significant (insignificant?) other if fine with it, why should anybody else get a say? Honestly, if you go into every date thinking “This could be the one!” and evaluating everything your date does by that standard, that’s…a lot of pressure. For both of you.

    That said, it is weird to think a guy could be a good husband but not be a good boyfriend. Does fun somehow become unimportant after marriage? Because if so, maybe that’s not a right I need after all.

    On-topic, I voted for Dean Cain Superman. Stand-up guy, good sense of humor, plus he actually looks more attractive in his secret identity–which is important, since Clark’s who you’d be getting most of the time. Similarly, his version of Clark wasn’t constantly engaged in low-key slapstick, which would make going out in public with him much less embarrassing.

  44. Side observation. I have to say that with today’s physical trainers, the actors certainly look the part of superheroes, more closely resembling the comic book physique.

  45. Yes, because going out with Eric Draven means one thing. Your already dead, and some crazy goth chick may like that perk… But I don’t.

    I’d say Thor, because that of that bod… Damn that body is hot! — I mean, pancakes…. You did not read that, my choice was pancakes! END OF DISCUSSION! 😛

  46. Dan: ….yeah, I’m gonna sit this one out.

    Same.