Caption Contest 114 – Holy Horrific Holiday, Batman!

Your challenge this week is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel:

The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author’s choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny!

This week we have a cap of no more than five (5) entries per person, so make ‘em your best!

71 Responses to Caption Contest 114 – Holy Horrific Holiday, Batman!

  1. Wait, Im a good guy

  2. 1. “You’ll never get away with this, Legless Santa!”

    2. “Shouldn’t Krampus be doing this for you?”

  3. Look I told you: I don’t smell, he didn’t fly away and I still have all the wheels on the bat mobile!

  4. 3. “Safe word! SAFE WORD!!”

  5. I know we have been “naughty” this year santa, but don’t you think this is going a little too far?

  6. Robins been naughty this year. Give him some coal

  7. 4. “I know what this looks like, but you have to believe me, the Joker did that to him…”

    (This one would have the scene read as Santa untying Robin, after tying up Batman)

  8. ok, ok! I am sorry i called you a dick for not bringing me a new batmobile for christmas.

  9. “Holy Holly! (Yes, I finally managed to get one in!)”

  10. Ok your real Santa. Now let us go!

  11. Robin, I’ve told you a million times! [b]DON’T ACCEPT CANDY FROM STRANGE BEARDED MEN![/B]

  12. Ha! Bold font fail.

  13. Robin! Did you eat all of Santa’s cookeis?

  14. 5. “Okay, I’m starting to think you’re not the real Santa…”

  15. 1) Sorry about the smell, but Robin Laid an “Egg” when the Batmobile lost a wheel!
    2) I wouldn’t do that unless you’re ready for a bad “Holy Night” pun!
    3) I don’t think the new costume’s going to work for you, Clark!
    4) …and a new Batarang, and some Bat Ponies, and a Bat choo-choo…
    5) Hurry, Santaman, it’s almost time to quit crime-fighting and deliver presents!

  16. 1. Nice gift, Santa, when can I give it back?

    2. I shouldn’t have stolen those cookies from Alfred.

  17. Your not sticking your christmas package anywhere near my chimney.

    You can have the boy, just let me go.

    Is this all because I said I didn’t want to play any of your reindeer games?

    Im not a toy you can wrap up and give away!

    Where’s superman when you need him?

  18. 1. Thanks. He gets annoying with all that “holy” crap.
    2. I have to pee.
    3. It’s a great honor having you join my rogue’s gallery.
    4. My Dad never mentioned this about Christmas.
    5. So… do you dress your henchmen as reindeer too?

  19. OH, thank god you’re here Santa! Now let’s hurry before the easter bunny is back.

  20. 1.Imposible! you doesnt exist!
    2.I feel like charles Xavier.
    3.Robin! ready for a Race?
    4.This is great, I’ll call it mmm bat-wheelchair

  21. Gabe Puratekuta

    “Hey, he’s MY whipping boy!”
    “Don’t do it! He’s going to say a bad Christmas pun!”
    “My second greatest fear has come to life!”
    “I think my wheelchair’s broken”
    “So, if you’re Alternate-Santa, where’s Alternate-Krampus?”

  22. 1) So thats why you don’t eat Santa’s cookies.
    2) You just lost all of your remaining dignity, santa.
    3) Whatever you do, do NOT try to start dancing in front of us…!
    4) I take it that the gun from portal I wished for was too much to ask for?
    5) Is it me for did I already saw that coming a long time ago?

  23. You’re horrible holiday hijinks will never succeed, you sinister scarlet scoundrel.

  24. Bat Man talking to Robin “I did not know you where one of Santas elfs.”

  25. Sorry the Joker wreked your toy shop. Rudolf shold kik his butt.

  26. I ment kick

  27. eric ross burton

    but, but, ive been a good boy this year

  28. “thank you for finally shuting him up.”

  29. 1. The Batutsi got me on the naughty list?

  30. You fly around the world, you can see everyone, you live in the North Pole – admit it, you’re Superman’s secret identity

    Please don’t bring out the gimp!

    You’re robbin’ my Robin!

  31. “…a Apples to Apples game, and a Bat-iPhone, and a guano shovel, and an Xbox 360 4GB Console with Kinect, and a batarang sharpener, and an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle, and my parents alive again, and a Bat-Pony, and…”

  32. “What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I’m the Goddamn Batman.”

  33. 1. What, again?

    2. Oh Santa, this is everything I wished for.

  34. 1. HA!I knew it! The salvation army has got ties to the mob!

  35. 1. “Okay, I promise not to hit Robin, as long as he remembers my parents are DEEEEAAAAAAAD!”

  36. take him, i’ve got 2 more at home

  37. 1) WE WERE NEITHER POUTING NOR CRYING!

  38. hyperanthropos

    Nick, I swear to you, Robin and me have never seduced innocent children. Dr. Wertham’s book is full of lies.

  39. Okay Santa I think this gets you on your own naughty list!!!

  40. 1) *Sigh* How much longer am I going to have to pay for
    “Batman & Robin”?

    2). Listen, whatever you do– don’t let Bane get his hands on you too!

    3). Claus, I need to get ahold of your surveillance equipment!
    Must be pretty sophisticated if you know when I’ve been bad or good!

  41. “So, Santa’s finally bared his CLAWS!”

    “Watch it Kringle, you’d better untie me before I jingle YOUR bells!”

  42. “So that’s why you’re so jolly Santa, you know where all the naughty boys live.”

  43. “No, I said A new bat pole! BAT! BAT!”

  44. 1) Bondage?! What happened to coal for boys on the naughty list?
    2) You realize, this puts you on MY naughty list right?
    3) And you wonder why I hate Christmas…
    4) Technically, you should be doing this to Chris O’Donnell and George Clooney.

  45. I don’t care if everyone asked for this, for christmas. Not even YOU can stop The Great Adam West.

  46. You’re not going to get away with it Kringle!

  47. Oh stop squirming Robin, you’ve been tied up by stranger men.

  48. 1)”Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Dark Knight!
    2)Sleep in heavenly PEE!
    3)Fine, i admit it, i’m really Buddy the elf. i dressed up as Batman, just so i wouldnt be a complete failure. yeah… and Robin’s really papa elf. i’m sorry, Santa
    4)Santa, i can explain…
    5)i admit it, you beat me. but hey, i did beat the crap out of your so called “Naughty List Enforcers”!

  49. 1) Okay I understand the boy, but why me?
    2) DAMN! And me without my Kringle repelent!
    3) Please, in the name of all things hetero, be Cat Woman under that beard.
    4) OH NO! Not Detroit!
    5) …Would it make any difference if I said I was Jewish?

  50. Robin’s safe word is “Mxyzptlk” — and make sure he says it exactly right or it doesn’t count! Heh heh…

  51. 1. “You know what ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like this?”

    2. Ow! Pineapple… Pineapple!!!

    3. Quite the hard sell for a timeshare, don’t ya think?

    4. This really lacks the.. je ne sais quoi… of “Batman Forever.”

    5. Ha ha ha! You forgot to gag me! Ha ha ha… I’m just gonna keep on talking.

  52. 1. Just to be clear… whose Christmas wish is this?
    2. Clark put you up to this, didn’t he.
    3. If you’re not Catwoman in disguise, I’m going to be very disappointed.
    4. Why does Robin always get tied up better than me?
    5. And this, Robin, is why I always make you go to bed early on Christmas Eve.

  53. “I REALLY hope that’s a candy cane in your pocket……”

  54. “Well, we usually call it a Batagag, but you’re the boss.”

    No! He only looks like an elf! It’s the shoes!

  55. Ever hear the story of Brer Rabbit, Santa?

    Hate to tell ya this Santa, but we do this every Saturday night.

  56. you know Santa, your a Ho Ho Ho!!!

  57. Sure you can tie me up, but tying up a cripple…that low.

  58. Sure you can tie me up, but tying up a cripple…thats low

  59. 2. “You’re a monster! Forcing us to watch those Schumacher movies!”

  60. “Santa, you did get my letter!”

  61. Darn it Robin, I told you to make sure you left him some cookies and milk!

  62. I guess Bondage Santa doesn’t really do it for me. Who knew?

  63. a little early for christmas arnt you

  64. 1. When Little Jimmy said he wanted Batman and Robin for Christmas, I’m pretty sure he meant action figures.

    2. You’ve GOT to be kidding me. Hey Santa, what I really want for Christmas is for the writers to quit embarrassing me with stuff like this. And how about a pair of slacks for my ward here. It’s bad enough DC has a 12 year old boy tag along with me wherever I go, but at least let him wear some pants.

    3. “Who wears boots and a suit of red? Santa wears boots and a suit of red. Who saves Batman from being dead, dead, dead? …”

  65. alphaalpharomeo

    1) I’m the only one who can gag my “Toy Wonder”

    2)And once you finish wrapping us up, you can deliver us back to Gothom for the people to unwrap.

    3)Santa, we weren’t bad this year, we only killed 13 petty criminals

    4)Can you put something jolly in my mouth Santa?

    5)Who put you up to this, Santa? It was the Joker right? That guy’s a hute. I remember this one time….

  66. Oh, gosh, this is embarrassing. I got him the exact same thing!

  67. Ok I don’t think I have something in my bell for this situacion

  68. 1. Robin’s on the naughty list, but I’m not right?

    2. Oh no! I didn’t bring my Anti-Santa Rapist Spray!

    3. Hey! Aren’t you Santa#1225 in “Jingle All The Way”? I love that movie!

    4. Make sure that gags tight. He always manages to get it off…

    5. Say mister, you look really familiar…

  69. TheAmazingFrank7

    My head’s itchy, do you mind scratching it?

  70. TheAmazingFrank7

    I’m sorry! I didn’t ask adam west to play a really camp Batman!