Fingering the Priest

When last we left our Lone Wolf, he had just discovered he was being poisoned and had rushed downstairs at the inn to decide who to blame for the attempted murder. We chose to finger the priest!

A black sword, he must be guilty! Because if there’s one point fantasy and culture hammer home to us every day, it’s that black things are evil. ::shakes head::

Regardless, we whip out our long, stiff spear and engage the enemy. We outclass him in combat by seven points (23 with the spear and mind blast versus 16), but he’s healthier than us (23 versus 16). In round one of combat, we get a 4, resulting in 10 points of damage to him. Unfortunately the crafty bastard nicks us for 2 points of damage in return.

With our Lone Bloodlust fully aroused by the smell of blood, Bruce Lee style, we fly into a killing rage and land a devastating blow by rolling a 9, resulting in a teeth-rattling 18 points of damage to him! This guts him like a stuck pig, ending his treacherous life before he can hurt us again. Victory! We’re now down to 14 END, however.

We were right! I think we’ve all learned two valuable lessons here, my friends. First, never start a land war in Asia. No, wait, wrong intellectual property.

First, never trust anyone with a tattoo. They’re all evil.

And second, killing people pays even better than reckless gambling.

On second thought, maybe those aren’t the lessons we should take from this encounter. Whatever, loot!

Moving on:

So here’s our dilemma this week, folks. Do we take on six backwater provincial guards, secure both in the knowledge of our own rectitude in correctly eliminating an assassin bent on the domination of the bad guys, or do we respect their authoriteh Cartman style and flee the scene?

17 Responses to Fingering the Priest

  1. since we are down to 14 endurance, I say we flee. I’m not thinking we would last long against six armed guards til we heal up a bit. Awesome dectective work spotting the tattoo to everyone who did.
    And Jeff, you make it REALLY difficult to keep it PG with headlines like that. Just saying’. :)

  2. MisterDinoMan

    6 against 1, and we’re down to 14 END. I’m voting for getting the heck out of there.

  3. Oh, what the hell. Let’s end this story. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

  4. Now we’ve fingered the priest, we might as well use the back door.

    …what?

  5. LOL @ X-stacy!

    And Dan … I ain’t sayin’ nothin’!

  6. ♪ Brave Sir Robin ran away.
    Bravely ran away, away!
    When trouble rears its ugly head,
    He bravely turned his tail and fled.
    Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about,
    And gallantly, he chickened out.
    Bravely taking to his feet,
    He beat a very brave retreat.
    Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin! ♪

    What? There’s six of them! Lone Wolf is the best at what he does. And what he does is run the hell away.

  7. ♪ Brave Sir Robin ran away.
    He bravely ran away, away.
    When danger rears its ugly head,
    He bravely turned his tail and fled.
    Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about,
    And gallantly, he chickened out.
    Bravely taking to his feet,
    He beat a very brave retreat.
    Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin! ♪

    What? There’s six of them! Lone Wolf is the best at what he does. But what he does is run the hell away.

  8. Sorry for the double post. Things are being very stupid on my end.

  9. I just don’t want to fight the good guys. I mean, those poor soldiers are just trying to keep the town safe.

    I’m surprised we didn’t try explaining things while searching the body. And there were what, two knights and a mercenary in the group? They just let us rifle through the priest’s pockets for loose change? Real nice.

  10. Blaze a trail, ‘coz we ain’t lastin’ ‘gainst six of ‘em. That’s probably more apostrophes than I’ve ever typed at once before. And my guts hurt from laughing at X-Stacy and haz’s comments, so I know we won’t be able to take them on with laughter pains.

  11. I think the real lesson learned here is “Never go in against a horde of nerds when death is on the line!”

  12. That’s when Gandalf would usually say “Run, you fools!”

  13. No Catholic jokes alright LOL

  14. Hmmm 6 vs. 1….. even if we kill 1 guard per round, AND they suck at hitting, that would still leave us open to 21 possible strikes… with only 14 END left. “Those odds I like not. Flee, our best option is.” would Yoda say.

    @TOOL: I think the jokes are implied…..

  15. Why is there never a go along quietly and present the evidence in your defense option? Since to me fighting or fleeing just make us look guilty.

  16. Well, we’re down to 14 END, and there’s six of them so…

    RUN AWAY!!

  17. Well, Shade2075, we’re on a schedule here. We can’t afford to waste time clearing our name and getting the authorities on our side when we could simply flee and look guilty as hell, now can we?