Caption Contest 98

With hearty thanks once again to Glenn3's "Say What? Pictures", your challenge this week is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel:

The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author's choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny! That might be a challenge given the nature of this week's panel, but I'm sure you can pull it off.

This week we have a cap of no more than five (5) entries per person, so make 'em your best!

(Image © DC Comics, Inc.)

103 Responses to Caption Contest 98

  1. The Incredible Sulk

    Good Night Moon!

  2. Watson Bradshaw

    These nails are looking FABULOUS!!!

  3. count libido

    I hope my gay Hitler salute catches on!

  4. eric ross burton

    hmmmmm…….. something feels off did i put my underwear on before or after my leotard this time

  5. 1. Ever get that feeling that Batman is right behind you?

  6. “Grim crusader of the night? Nailed it!”

  7. (singing) …and I did it ….my wayyyyyyyyyy! (Sinatra)

  8. “From dusk till dawn I will fight. In adult diapers no evil shall escape my sight.”

  9. Those Glee kids have nothing on me!

  10. “I tend to think of myself as a one man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home….” (ref; The Hangover)

  11. (singing) Hungry like the wolf, hungry like the wolf…Burning the ground I break from the crowd, I’m on the hunt I’m after you……

  12. (singing) Whose afraid of the big bad wolf, the big bad wolf, the big bad wolf. Whose afraid of….

  13. 1) Not sure if this hot pink on my nails really goes with the orange in my suit.
    2) “When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie . . . ”
    3) “Somewhere over the rainb-wow it got dark all of a sudden!”
    4) “Damn, where’s Chanticleer when you need him! it’s like 10 in the morning!”
    This is actually a reference to the movie Rock-a-Doodle. Look it up.
    5) “The moonlight shows me for what I really am . . . FABULOUS!!!”

  14. ams (11): Duran Duran, hmm, how far back into your “god I wish this song never existed” vault did you have to reach for that one?

  15. Hammerknight

    “Oops, Wrong door.”
    “Mom always told me to wear clean underwear just in case.”
    “Whitie Tighty Alrighty”
    “Here I am Dancing with the Stars”

  16. Hammerknight

    “I told them off the rack would work.”
    “They asked so I told.”
    “Wait Superman, it’s me Jimmie.”

  17. Hammerknight

    Sorry Jeff, Kill off the Dancing with, and the off the rack comments.

  18. GLAMOROUUUUUUTH!

  19. “Memory! All alone in the moonlight! I can smile at the old days! I was beautiful then!”

    “I feel pretty, Oh, so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright! And I pity any girl who isn’t me tonight.”

  20. Uh-huh…that’s right…tightie-whities are BACK!

  21. 1-“Talk to the hand!”

  22. alphaalpharomeo

    1)He was nervous when I told him to speak tonight. He said”What if they boo me?” I said don’t be silly! People can’t boo and yawn at the same time!

    2)I’ll begin by telling you what a remarkable person our speaker is.Then I’ll describe all the wonderful things he’s done for the community.And then I’ll conclude by saying some things that are true.

    3)Superman writes on the wall: Batman is a wuss.
    The next day, Batman writes on the wall: Superman is Clark Kent.

    4)Three drunks are standing on top of the Empire State Building.
    The first one says to the other two, “You know, it’s a funny thing about these wind currents. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up to the top of the building!”
    The second drunk says, “You’re crazy!”
    The first drunk says, “I’m serious! Watch!” The first drunk jumps off of the building, and the wind carries him right back up to the top!
    The second drunk says, “Let me try!”
    So the second drunk leaps off of the building and promptly falls to the street below, landing with a hideous SPLAT!
    The first drunk smiles, clearly amused. The third drunk looks at him and says, “You know, Superman, you can be a real Jerk When you’re drunk!”

    5)nking of becoming a superhero? Here are some useful pointers.

    1. Don’t call yourself by your real name, e.g. Ms. Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster.

    2. Don’t call yourself by someone else’s real name, e.g. Mr. Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin.

    3. Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess, e.g. Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman.

    4. Don’t be too modest, e.g. Mr. Pretty Good, Captain So-So, Fairly Incredibleman.

    5. But don’t labor the point, e.g. Mr. So-Powerful-Don’t-Even-Think-About-It-Buddy.

    6. Don’t choose a name detrimental to your crime fighting image, e.g. Captain Spongecake, Mr. Silly, Yellow Streak, Purple Slippers, Captain Evil

    7. Don’t choose the name of an existing Superhero unless you have lots of money and enjoy fighting litigation instead of supervillains.

    8. It’s no use calling yourself Captain Invincible if your only power is self-control over Hostess Twinkies and you suffer from a congenial hole-in-the-heart condition. It’s just asking for trouble.

    9. Don’t call yourself the Invisible Boy if you’re not.

    10. Don’t call yourself the Invisible Boy if you’re a girl.

    11. Don’t call yourself the Invisible Lady if you’re a man — even if you do feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body.

    12. Don’t give away important information in your name, e.g. The Glass Jaw, Captain Vulnerable-to-Strontium 90.

    13. Don’t call yourself The Green Avenger if you wear an orange costume. You’ll confuse people.

  23. 2-“HELLO,GORGEOUS!”

    3-“I see Paris,I see France….”

    4-“I have to quit getting dressed in the dark!”

    5-“Who wants to pull my finger?”

  24. jojoandfriends.

    (random lady)-“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU FREAK!!”
    (superhero)-“OOPS, WRONG WINDOW!”

  25. AAR (22): Only five entries apiece this time around. Please pick your top five and repost.

  26. 1) I’m so glad I hired Rainbow Boy to make my suit!

  27. Sutter_Kaine

    1) Tremble, foul villians, for the Purple Tiger once more prances the night!
    2) Orange tights? Check. Ambigious animal insignia and matching purple drapes? Check. Shadow-puppets? Check. Tonight, Suzie will be mine.
    3) I’m just going to assume Andy wasn’t pulling my leg and step out onto the invisible balcony.
    4) I’m just going to assume this isn’t a trick of perspective and snuff out that vaguely phallic candle with a moon-shaped flame.
    5) Gasp! A full moon tonight! Can feel myself…changing! Must resist…urge to…design…unispired superhero costumes!

  28. 1. My purple nails are dry. Now i can finish my job and catch the bad boys.
    2. Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair! Your purple prince is here!
    3. And just go there, to the Y.M.C.A. I’m sure they can help you today.(sing)

  29. 2) From this point on, criminals will quiver at the name of Fabo-wulf!

    3) One day, geeks will make fun of me on a blog!

    4) This year I shall take the Legion bad costume prize from Cosmic Boy!

  30. 1. To infinity… and beyond!
    2. I’m a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout.

  31. now that i’ve dropped that jar of pennies i’ll just wait for the crash

    HA IVE ESCAPED FROM THE FROM THE PURPLE DRAPE ROOM

    Gooood evening New York!!

    You there stop! how dare you hang these curtains then leave

    im right behind you batman, always right behind you.

  32. Criminals beware the sleepwalking exploits of… PYJAMA MAN

  33. Rain or Shine Wolf Commando will fight for justice, even if he doesnt know how to wear underwear.

  34. Most Flamboyant suicide ever

  35. I hope I’m wearing a clean pair

  36. My flight powers are bound to start working now

  37. Hydroman ain’t got nothin’ on me, I am…THE FLAMBOYANT WOLF!

  38. The Doomed Pixel

    Good God, Epcot’s Japan was a lot less kid friendly than I remember it being.

  39. *Hark! Tis time for the Fearless Fox to perform his heroics. Drats and drapes! That’s the Incense Signal.*

  40. Ah ah ah ah, staying alive, staying alive…

  41. By the way, is it just me or are those “towers” in the background awfully phallic?

  42. Nick Hentschel

    “The Hills Are Aliiiiiiive………”

    “Disco FOX!!!”

  43. Nick Hentschel

    @ MCKnight:

    Actually, they’re faintly arabesque. In either case, they were designed by his girlfriend, Phallicity.

  44. Nick (43): I did note the faint arab (possibly Russian) look, just felt like commenting something dumb anyway since I already got in my 5 for this one.

    Also, why do those . . . whatever they are . . . on his shoulders look like the tires to a child’s Radio Flyer wagon or a Big Wheel? I’m actually kind of hoping he falls back onto that bed of yellow snow icicles. It would quickly do away with what i recall being a contender for worst superhero costume a few months ago.

  45. 1) Where was I going again?

    2)Is he done painting the picture yet? I really have to pee.

    3) Step one complete, all that’s left is to leave before they notice the pile of corpses.

    4)Ha! The Emerald Empress said she was going to hunt down every member of the legion of superheroes and kill them with her own two hands, but she can’t kill me if I’m already dead.

    5) Mission complete, Captain Scars You For Life AWAY!

  46. 1)”The hills are alive with the sound of music!”
    2)Hey I can see my house from here
    3)Hark, what yonder window breaks… my spine

  47. Look out villains, best not mess with me. I’m positively … FOXY!

  48. *Tonight, Mall of America. Tomorrow, the world. For I, am Orange Julius….Wolfcastle.*

  49. 1) the moon is so close i could almost touch it with my tiny hands.
    2) Seriously! How many space needles does this town need? and why are they all built at an angle?
    3) There is no floor on the other side of this door. that could be dangerous
    4) look out world I am finally coming out to see you!
    5) I hate these lavender drapes so much i think im just going to throw myself out this large oddly placed window!

  50. Remember, Hero pose then fly.

    When will the other heros learn the joys of foots tights?

    If I keep showing my great smile, no one will notice that the building is falling.

    These flat panel tights realy hide the groin.

    Have no fear LSD is here.

  51. Nobody’s gonna confuse me for Wolverine now!

    (Man, Timber Wolf’s had a lot of crappy costumes, but this one is something special.

    @25: I think the numbers followed by periods are all part of his last entry–“5)nking of becoming a superhero? Here are some useful pointers.” and then pointers follow. How that’s all supposed to fit in one balloon, I’m not sure.)

  52. ThePerfectTense

    1. I find your lack of faith… disturbing.

  53. the creator

    Victoria secret, here i come!!!

  54. 1. “Oooh, time for a mani-pedi, girlfriend. Oh, I am such a Samantha!”

    2. “Look who we’ve got our Hanes on now!”

  55. @frankie (48): Are you a fellow Minnesotan?

    _____

    1) I don’t care if the name “Captain Underpants” is taken!

  56. Ogami Itto

    “Every man wants to be a macho man;
    To have the kind of body, always in demand;
    Jogging in the mornings, go man go;
    Work out in the health spa, muscles all aglow;
    You can best believe that, he’s a macho man;
    Ready to get down with anyone he can”

    Let’s face it, the lyrics to any Village People song would be apropos here. That costume is really gay, and not in a good way.

  57. Ogami Itto (55): I really hate calling things “gay”. It’s insulting and lame. Please try to come up with a different adjective in the future.

  58. Dan Gonzalez

    “Tempt me not, phallic towers of the night, I have criminals to lick!…err, beat…err, defeat!

  59. 5) Light up the sky like a flame, Fame!

  60. 1) “Hold on world! Here comes my polished fingernails!”
    2) “Assuming that my undies don’t try to destroy me like my cape, I should be perfectly fine.”
    3) “Hobos, prepare to die!”
    4) “Faboulus! Now I can be a sexy news anchor and an even sexier Beautyman!”
    5) “From this day, no beauty is bound to get dirty. NEVER!”

  61. 1) “FAME! I’m gonna live forever! I’m gonna learn how to fly!”
    2) “When I close my eyes, I see this think, it’s like a sign. And the name, it’s just so sharp and so bright, the sign just blows up. It says “Dirk Diggler.”

  62. No one can suspect I wear my underwear on the outside to keep it clean. Must…project…confidence!

  63. 2.GASP! I BROKE A NAIL!

  64. Danny Beaty

    @Jeff: Who is that character?

  65. Myro’s on the money as usual — that’s Timberwolf of the Legion of Super Heroes. In one of his worse costumes, and that’s saying something.

  66. I always wondered why a guy called Timberwolf looked like a Ken doll in a bad outfit. Shouldn’t his hair (or at least his costume) be dark grey or something wolf-like to try to pull of the name?

    Then again, I’m not a big fan of the Legion. The galaxy was protected by teenage/very early twentysomething superheroes but no adult ones? Sounds kinda “Children of The Corn”-esk to me.

    Not that I mean to disrespect those who are fans. (Hat tip to the Bald Avenger)

  67. i know he’s canine but,”memories, all alone in the moonlight…”

    “Now i still cant see why batman’d wear gloves.”

    “Seems like my claws are a little delayed,maybe some direct moon will help.”

  68. PetesWilly

    “Generic Homosexual’s Journal. October 12th, 1985:
    Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen it’s true face. The streets are extended gutt- Damnit I broke a nail!”

  69. Danny Beaty

    @Myro and Jeff: Thanks for the info!

  70. 1. Hey, Alpha Centauri! I’m crushing your head!

    2. Soak it in, Russian mail-order brides. Daddy’s here.

    3. Minarets, oh my! I’ll be standing out here all night.

    4. And when finished with the addition, my autographed picture of John Holmes will go here.

    5. o/~ The wind blew some luck in my direction. I caught it in my hands today… *

    * “Moonlight Feels Right” by Starbuck.

    @Frevoli(34): too funny!

  71. *There. My costume is almost complete. All it needs is something….flowing. And purple, maybe…hmmmm.*

  72. @Whit(55): Minnesota? Do you mean the Mall of America part? Nah, it’s just a popular mall, so I went with that one instead of a local one.

  73. I think I’m ready for the Ambicrombe & Fitch catalog now!!!

  74. MartianBlue

    Never fear the “Arabian Nightmare” is here!

  75. MartianBlue

    Ha! And they said it couldn’t be done! Yet here I stand, Prince Charming, superhero!

  76. 1. One man wolfpack.

    2. No power in the ‘verse can stop me.

    3. Kept to a high buff and with a nice polish, I can see myself in my nails.

    4. Ahwooo!

    5. Look out ladies, this is one lone wolf who doesn’t need a pack to be dangerous on the prowl.

  77. Zippodog357

    GOOD RIDDANCE SKIDMARKS!!

  78. BenK22 (77): “No power in the ‘verse can stop me.” I think someone’s been watching a little too much Firefly.

  79. 3: “Nothing comes.between me and my BVDs. Except for my costume.”

  80. McKnight (78): Bite your tongue, sir! There is no such thing as too much Firefly!

  81. 1. Let’s do the time warp agaain!
    2. I’m thinking, purple over there, no orange, fabulous!
    3. If only I could find my glasses. Now where’s that light switch… Why’s it got windy?
    4. Phanthom Girl, Phantom Girl wherefore art thou Phantom Girl?
    5. The moon is full. The night is young. And I’m in the mood for lurve!

  82. With my orange-skinned costume, John Boehner-Man will save the city!

  83. Taxi! TAXIIII!!! Hey, why’re you driving away?!

  84. I’m so glad I shaved my beard! Look out, l.A.! Coco is here!

  85. So Brainy really did take the stairs. Fine, I’ll just pose here as if I meant to all along.

  86. 3.WOLVERINE AIN’T GOT NOTHIN’ ON ME!

  87. Ah! My nail polish color matches the moon perfectly! Finally, weeks of working with different co-Excuse me? They didn’t show up in the picture?!

  88. This is my second one

    Little Girl: Hey, superhero? Why’s there a brown spot on your underwear!

    Uh…Justice! Benevolence!

  89. On a side note, what was the colorist smoking when he came up with those colors for the building?!?!

  90. jamesinchains

    1) Orange, purple and white? What the hell were you
    thinking Mike DeCarlo???!!! 2) Beware evildoers, for their is a new
    brand of justice in town; Vanish Oxyaction, making whites even
    whiter!!!

  91. I’m sure glad the Justice League doesn’t have a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

  92. should have put this in with the first

    “This city depends on me to keep it safe, and I depend on Depends to keep me dry!”

  93. I AM Victoria’s Secret.

  94. Blue Blazer Blue Blazer

    Damn, she did a good job on my nails!

  95. Blue Blazer Blue Blazer

    The Purple Possum plays dead for justice!

  96. 1- I vill say “Choin me, Gay Hitler, und ve vill RULE ZE VORLD!”
    2- Weird. I don’t change at the full moon, but the rest of the month my insignia is a skull.
    3- Where’s my flippers and mask? James Bond is coming!
    4- I am the Mute Coyote! Arch-nemesis of Road Runner!
    5- Why won’t any of these taxis stop for me?

  97. Hmm, this moonlight provides the perfect backdrop for my shadow hand puppets.

  98. Danny Beaty

    1. These titanium briefs should protect my “doggy bag” from the Crimson Castrator!

    2. Memmories,
    I’m a fox in the moonlight,
    all alone with the memories,
    of my days as a pup…

    3. I’ll just pop this yellow balloon on that pointy, black thing and-Damn it I missed!

    4. May this isn’t the best pose for brooding.

    5. If it weren’t for that white cursor I could never find my penis!

  99. Danny Beaty

    1. These titanium briefs should protect my “doggy bag” from the Crimson Castrator!

    2. Memories,
    I’m a fox in the moonlight,
    all alone with the memories,
    of my days as a pup…

    3. I’ll just pop this yellow balloon on that pointy, black thing and-Damn it I missed!

    4. May this isn’t the best pose for brooding.

    5. If it weren’t for that white cursor I could never find my penis!

  100. Danny Beaty

    I re-posted because (as you can tell) I mispelled “Memories”

  101. Danny Beaty

    1. These titanium briefs should protect my “doggy bag” from the Crimson Castrator!

    2. Memories,
    I’m a fox in the moonlight,
    all alone with the memories,
    of my days as a pup…

    3. I’ll just pop this yellow balloon on that pointy, black thing and-Damn it I missed!

    4. Maybe this isn’t the best pose for brooding.

    5. If it weren’t for that white cursor I could never find my penis!

  102. Danny Beaty

    Please ignore posts #99 and #100. The spelling gods are against me tonight!