Caption Contest 94: Incredible words!

With hearty thanks once again to Glenn3's "Say What? Pictures", your challenge this week is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel:

The presence of the headline adds a little wrinkle to this one. I can't wait to see what incredible words you come up with that have so stunned this attractive young lady!

The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author's choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny!

No limit on the number of submissions beyond normal self-editing (i.e. don’t spam crappy entries hoping to get lucky), so good luck to everyone. Contest closes next Monday.

198 Responses to Caption Contest 94: Incredible words!

  1. Avatar ThePerfectTense says:

    1. It’s not a banana.

    2. Remember last night? Well, um… I think the condom broke.

  2. Avatar Runt82 says:

    1. I’m on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

  3. 1.) You know I’m an emo vampire right?
    2.) Sooo…..the blood test is back, guess what?
    3.) I say, is that a mirror in your pants? Because I see me inside you. 😛

  4. Avatar Me, Myself & I says:

    “Look, I’m not who you think I am. I am actually you in disguise!”

  5. Avatar Patrick says:

    I took out the garbage, did the dishes, and put the kids down. Is it alright if we just snuggle on the couch and watch “Glee?”

  6. Avatar Nick Hentschel says:

    We’re wandering into “Last Kiss” territory here…

    1) “I know you’re really a guy.”

    2) “No, Luke: *I* am your father.”

    3) “I faked that orgasm.”

    4) “I’m pregnant.”

    5) “I grew another one.”

    6) “Fnord.”

  7. Avatar Mr.Chris says:

    Oh boy, I’ve got a million for this one:

    “This isn’t going to work out. We’re from two different worlds. I’m blue…you’re yellow. I’m sorry.”

    “Listen, I might have accidently set your Twilight movies on fire…”

    “Sometimes when we make love, I actually am thinking about Halle Berry in her Catwoman outfit.”

    “Baby, I don’t wanna get married ‘cus hurricanes are like women : when they come, they’re wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.”

    “I’ve decided I am going to call our kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they start acting up I will just hit them all at once.”

  8. Avatar Mr.Chris says:

    @Runt82: haha, nice one

  9. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    1.) I was thinking….why are you yellow? Are we in the Simpsons!?!
    2.) I may have ‘accidentaly’ burned all your twilight and hot topic crap in a bon-fire. I just want to say, it looked awesome.

  10. Avatar Skiriki says:

    “The wheels of the bus go round and round…”

    “Right now I am going commando and I can prove it!”

    “I have irrefutable proof that the Timecube is real!”

  11. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    “NO. For the last time, that’s not a banana, I AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU.”

  12. Avatar Gargoyle323 says:

    “I’m sorry but I can’t date a woman who does not read comics!”

    “If we have children…they may be green.”

    “I’m really a Smurf!”

  13. Avatar Alan Bates says:

    “Mnamana do do do do mnamana”

    “All this time, I’ve secretly been nothing more than a bunch of ducks in a man costume.”

  14. Avatar CPrime says:

    “I am… Captain… James T. Kirk… of the… starship,… Enterprise…”

  15. Avatar ThePerfectTense says:

    @Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43, sorry Mate! Looks like I beat you to that one…

    3. I’m sorry, but I’m leaving you for your Mother.

    4. I’m sorry, but I’m leaving you for your brother.

    5. I’m sorry, I’m leaving you for Edward Cullen.

    I know they’re all similar, but what the hey.

  16. Avatar ThePerfectTense says:

    Achmed the dead terrorist anyone?

    7. When I look into your eyes, I… well, damn. I keep getting distracted by my own reflection.

    8. The name’s bond… IONIC bond!
    Any science geeks in here should be laughing right about now.

    9. Did I forget to tell you that I’ve got AIDS?

    10. Inception is a lot like a pig… It has a climax of about thirty seconds.
    A quote from a friend that I felt just had to be in here. It certainly stunned ME into silence!

  17. Avatar PapaKrok says:

    Truly Susan, cellulite intrigues and excites me.

  18. Avatar ThePerfectTense says:

    11. Wow, baby! I can see my reflection in your hair!
    Just how much gel is that gal using?

    12. What’s Black Ops?
    Now surely that, of all things, would make a girl’s day.

    13. Do you take Credit Cards?

    Man, I’m on FIRE today!

  19. Avatar Myro says:

    1. “When you sleep at night, I cut your hair and eat it.” (Okay, more creepy than funny)

    2. “Phantom Menace was my favorite Star Wars movie.”

  20. Avatar DiCicatriz says:

    1. Damn it, Janet. I can’t take your irrational fear of Green Lantern. I’m leaving you.

    2. Now you know… it glows.

    3. I’m not your real father. Your mother had a brief but passionate affair with Spongebob the year before we met.

  21. Avatar Mr.MikeK says:

    1. I have a terrible secret: I am Lady Gaga’s fashion designer.

    2. I’m Charlie Sheen’s publicist and he wants to meet you.

    3. You look like you need a break. Would you like me to take you clothes shopping?

    4. I can make you the next Lindsey Lohan.

  22. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    @ 15.) TPS
    Curses, you did…..

  23. Avatar Jake says:

    1. If you win the staring contest, we’ll get married.

  24. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    1.) Pssst! Hey. Babe, do you need to see a doctor? Because I’m open! Wait….wait, that came out wrong…
    2.) The reason I’m blue? It envolves to many horrible details about my parents…..
    3.) When my dad said he’d beat me blue he was damn serious!
    4.) When we have kids I will teach them man-fu reguardless of gender! MWAHAHAHAAHA!
    5.) I…I liked SpiderMan 3! Don’t look judge me! *sheds tears*
    6.) You don’t know who the Nostalgia Critic is? I’m breaking up with you.
    7.) How dare you dislike the PS3! I’m so glad I gave you blue-AIDS….
    (These are all bagood. BAGOOD!!!)

  25. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    “Twilight, it’s my favorite movie to!”
    No woman wants to know that.

  26. ams ams says:

    Yes, it was I who didn’t lift the seat….

  27. ams ams says:

    I am the keeper of the Caramilk secret…

  28. ams ams says:

    I cry when someone gets voted off of Dancing with the Stars.

  29. Avatar Knitesoul says:

    – “Uh, you got something near your nose…”

    – “Looks like someone injected too much botox.”

  30. Avatar CPrime says:

    “My words… are incredible.”

  31. Avatar Niall Mor says:

    Yes! I get my drinks . . . half price!

  32. Avatar Myro says:

    “I asked what you wanted for dinner. It’s not that hard a question.”
    “I’m going to the Scientology center for an audit. You should come and see what Xenu has done to your life.”

  33. Avatar frankie says:

    “My darling, you’re fading into the background.”

  34. Avatar frankie says:

    “…and then she told him, ‘You had me at hello.'”

  35. Avatar frankie says:

    “In hyena hierarchies, the alpha female rules, followed by the other females, then the cubs, and the adult males are at the bottom rung.”

  36. Avatar Legatus says:

    “Joe Q. just told me that i am not your husband. I am his clone from a different timeline who has secretly taken his place.”

  37. Avatar punkjay says:

    Wow! How we get into this Andy Worhal nightmare anyway?!?

  38. Avatar Rui says:

    Did you know a tomato is *not* a vegetable?

  39. Avatar Nick Hentschel says:

    More shocking material:

    1) “I’m you… from the future.”

    2) “Honey, I ate the kids.”

    3) “Mine aren’t real, either.”

    4) “You’re on Candid Camera.”

  40. Avatar Rui says:

    “My pants are, indeed, on fire.”

    “I do not like green eggs and ham.”

    “Did you know that the Da Vinci Code is not factually correct?”

    “In fact, my dear, the earth is not flat like a pancake, but round like a pineapple.”

    “I *do* believe in fairies. I do, I do.”

    “A man must walk 42 roads before you can call him a man. And that’s all! No more, no less!”

    “I told you a thousand times we are fictional characters trapped inside a comic book panel, where I repeat several random lines, one after another, so someone outside our frame of reality can decide which one is the funniest!”

  41. Avatar CPrime says:

    “I’m Batman!”

  42. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    “I shot the mayor, but not the deputy!”

  43. Avatar remy says:

    “I’m Batman.”

  44. Avatar frankie says:

    “I’m Jeff Herbert, baby! I can make you into any superhero character that you like.”

  45. Avatar Jeff Hebert says:

    Frankie (44): What’s REALLY incredible about that is apparently I don’t even know how to spell my own last name!

  46. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    ^^^^ Polite Ownage above this comment.

  47. Avatar Tim says:

    1) “I should have taken the red pill. The blue one tastes like crap!”

    [Little matrix reference ;)]

  48. Avatar Tim says:

    2) “I’m the president of jelly beans.”

  49. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    1.) I’m to sexy for my face, I’m so sexy that I’m blue, I’m so sexy…..HO YEAH!!
    2.) I’m secretly your father’s second cousin’s uncle who is technically twice removed who’s also the nephew of your aunt!
    3.) You’re fired. And I slept with your mother! TAKE THAT!
    4.) I….I have ADHD! NNNOOOO!!! Hey look! A bottle cap!
    5.) My face, it has no facial features!!! It’s just AIR!!!!
    6.) I hate the other members of my WoW clan, and I’m secretly Leroy Jenkins brother, thrice removed!
    7.) I have….FORTY CATS!!!!!

  50. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    “Jelly Donuts are made of people!!!!”

  51. Avatar Tim says:

    3) “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

  52. Avatar zombotron says:

    1. Yes, stare at my words… are they not incredible?

    2. Now iz ze time on Shprockets ven ve dahnce!

    3. Shpadoinkle!

    4. You are getting sleeepy, veery sleeeepy…

    5. Um, you got a, uh… little, boogie… there…

  53. Avatar Tim says:

    4) “I ate your cat.”

  54. Anarchangel Anarchangel says:

    1) “Why yes dear, I WOULD like to watch Sex & the City with you”

  55. Avatar Me, Myself & I says:

    “I know you’ve been on your feet all day. Would you like a foot rub?”

  56. Avatar Myro says:

    Maybe just one last one:

    “My power level is over 9000.”

  57. Avatar Gero says:

    1. “I was wrong.”

  58. Avatar RitoruBushi says:

    1. “I can’t tell if you have a lemon wedge in your mouth, or if you’re just happy to see me.”

    2. “I just used your toothbrush to clean out the grout around the toilet. I don’t know why.”

    3. “Is it just me or is there too much static in this room?”

    4. “Let’s see. How was my day? I finally got that promotion at work, I got into a car accident while driving your car home from the men’s lounge, and I’ve decided to leave you for your younger sister. Oh, and it looks like you have some lettuce in between your teeth.”

  59. Avatar Tim says:

    5) “I’ve been meaning to tell you something for the longest time. This has been on my mind for a while now and I’ve been meaning to tell you…the game. You lose.”

  60. Avatar Rick says:

    1. “I like pie”
    2. “I think it’s jaundice sweetie”
    3. “You do notice that I don’t have a nose right?”
    4. “I invited your mother to stay with us”

  61. Avatar Razhwurz says:

    I like cake.

  62. Avatar Razhwurz says:

    Ooops! Never mind, Just saw someone did “I like pie” already

  63. Avatar Razhwurz says:

    “Honey, have you seen my car keys?

  64. Avatar Gero says:

    2. “What do YOU want for dinner tonight?”

  65. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    “Co Za Asy!”
    Ray William Johnson fans away!!!!!! SWOOOSH!

  66. Avatar Joel says:

    “I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico”

    “The hills isn’t real!”

    “I just realized you look exactly like my mistress. what a coincidence huh?”

    “I’m voting Sarah Palin 2012”

    “That’s what SHE said”

    “…and that’s where I stashed the body”

  67. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    ^^^^That bastard Joel stole my jokes, and my voting plan…..CURSE YOU!!!!! 😛

  68. Avatar Razhwurz says:

    1 “Whoa, whoa, whoa! There’s still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you’ve got a stew going.”

  69. Avatar Razhwurz says:

    “I’m a rooster illusion.”

  70. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    1.) I was told Jon Stewart was funny, this was a lie.
    2.) Whut chu’ talkin bout’ Willis?!
    3.) Half-Life sucks balls! Lets play Left 4 Dead!
    4.) Mario IS better then Sonic. That’s what your mother said anyway.
    5.) I just found out I’m really your Dad. This…is akward.
    6.) There once was a woman named your mother. I ATE HER.

  71. Avatar unknownblackpaper says:

    “I’m your second cousin’s wife’s daughter’s step-sister’s great-great-great grand uncle. And I work part time as a mime.”

  72. Avatar unknownblackpaper says:

    “Booya Baby”

    “Hail to the King, baby.”

  73. Avatar Razhwurz says:

    “… and that’s why I’m not allowed in Disney World anymore.”

    “I didn’t like the Godfather.”

    “Would you like fires with that?”

  74. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    71-unknownblackpaper, that’s my joke. >:o

  75. Avatar zaheelee says:

    “Hello, Ladies. Look at your man, now back to me, now look at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but he could look like me if he stopped coloring himself yelow and began coloring himself blue…”

    “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

  76. Avatar Razhwurz says:

    “I just blue myself.”

    Sorry, had to fit that one in there lol

  77. Avatar Niall Mor says:

    I wear Batman underoos.

  78. Avatar McKnight57 says:

    1) I think you’re turning Japanese, I think you’re turning Japanese, I really think so.

    2) What’s with the yellow all over you? Did you have a date with R. Kelly I should know about?

    3) You just got very jaundiced all of a sudden and your eyes just became a soulless black. Oh god, please tell me you aren’t gonna pull a Linda Blair, I just had this coat dry-cleaned.

  79. Avatar Mr.MikeK says:

    4. I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy. I swear it was in self defense!

    5. It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again!

    6. I found your porn stash, you freak!

  80. 1. Dang right your chihuahua had a “snooze” button.

    2. In French, it’s referred to as a “reflexive” verb.

    3. My baloney has a first name… Steve.

    4. No, seriously, who put the “bomp” in the “bomp-shoo-bomp-sha-bomp?”

    5. That dress DOES make you look fat! Muahahaha!

  81. ams ams says:

    No, let’s do you again!

  82. ams ams says:

    No, I don’t want to go to sleep. Let’s cuddle and talk about your day.

  83. Avatar D says:

    1. “I’m afraid I’m not personally qualified to confuse cats, but I can recommend an extremely good service.”

    2. “I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.”

    3. “Everytime I try to talk to someone, it’s ‘sorry this’ and ‘forgive me that’ and ‘I’m not worthy…'”

    4. “This’ll be fun. We’ll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning…I’m making waffles!”

    5. “Well, we’ll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit’s dynamite.”

    @ zaheelee: Well, I do. And don’t call me Frankly.

  84. Avatar Watson Bradshaw says:

    “my name, its Ken Häagen-Dazs. want a ride in my chocolate and gold plated jet?”

    “don’t panic, but a Charlie Sheen is crawling up your leg”

    “I just got us two backstage passes to the Justin Bieber show. Maybe I can sell the other one?”

  85. Avatar Danny Beaty says:

    Look out world, I’m back!

    1. The accident has taken your ability to blink.

    2. You’re the clone of Mary Ann Mobley.

    3. The jaundice is sweeping across your face!

    4. My penis is twenty inches long and six inches in diameter.

    5. You AND the mule you rode in on!

    6. I dreamed I ate a forty pound marshmellow. When I awakened half my pillow was gone.

    7. Never lay on your side while in the tanning bed!

    8. It’s Hebert, not Herbert.

    9. I’m wearing your moms’ panties and they’re darn comfortable!

  86. Avatar venomfang666 says:

    1) Yes, as a matter of fact I do have a lovely bunch of coconuts, sitting in a row.
    2) Frankly, yellow lady I do give a darn.
    3) The test results are back, you have EXPLOSIVE AMNESIA!!!
    4) It’s true, I did eat the last doughnut.

  87. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    WTF? Stop building off my jokes guys, please? It’s lazy. Come on….

  88. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    “That blood test has come back…. You have a severe case of explosive diarrhea. I’m sorry.”

  89. Avatar Gero says:

    3. “You could’ve had a V-8!”

  90. Avatar Patrick says:

    What has two thumbs and can last all night? This guy?

  91. Avatar venomfang666 says:

    “I’m bringing sexy back, yeah.”

    I had to throw that one in really quick, it just came to me while i was in the bathroom. i know weird place for that idea to come to me.

  92. Avatar Patrick says:

    Pink. The color of your underwear… pink.

  93. Avatar Jeff Hebert says:

    Nicholas, you don’t own the concept of a joke. If someone has a funnier take on something, so be it. Chill.

  94. Avatar Nick Hentschel says:

    I’m actually coming up with some SERIOUS ones, alongside the funny ones, that work just as well:

    “I’m Supergirl!”

    “I am the Master… and you WILL obey me!!!”

    “My name is Ugly. My mama dresses me funny.”

    “I have to go now: this is a job for SUPERMAN!!!”

    “I have to go now: my planet needs me.”

    “Adora, the time has come for you to seek your destiny!””

    “None of what you are experiencing is real; it’s all part of the Matrix.”

    “They made a sequel to ‘Tron’.”

    “You ARE the Chosen One!”

    “Listen carefully: your name is Bond, James Bond… and I am your secretary, Miss Moneypenny.”

    And for a literary touch:
    “Lizzie Bennet, you must allow me to tell you how ardently I love and admire you.” (Hey, this WAS about her reaction!)

  95. Avatar SpellCheckingQuill says:

    “The cake is a lie.”

  96. Avatar Malfar says:

    1 Ya! Ya! Cthulhu fhtagn!!!
    2 Kill yourself, sweertheart!
    3 I will love you till death…AND AFTER!

  97. Avatar PJCzar says:

    “Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?”

  98. Avatar nakiato says:

    Bomp bah bop bah bomp.rama lama ding dong.
    bop shoo bop shoo bop. dip da dip da dip.
    bugdi bugdi bugdi bugdi shoo.

  99. Avatar nakiato says:

    2) lets go to my place and just kick it like tybo, and possibly bend you over, and smack that all on the floor.

    3)hey you want to see how high I can jump? I can jump really high!!

    4) soooo… How does a hundred bucks sound?

    5) …

    6) Guess what? I remembered our Anniversary and your birthday!

  100. Avatar hobbit4hire says:

    1. I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Geico!

    2. Seriously.. don’t you ever blink?… It’s really starting to freak me out!

    3. …So then I was looking at this years annual report and I was like.. WOW!.. and I realized if I compound the quarterly earnings.. It’s just.. WOW! You know what I mean?

    4. Ya!.. ALL the uniforms AND I speak Klingon! Which is really cool because as you know.. the convention is next weekend!

    5. I said can I borrow.. um.. a pair of your panty hose.. and maybe your red pumps with the beaded straps?

    6. Loraine.. I’m your density.. I mean.. your destiny

    7. Yes I think women are equal to men. In fact I believe you should have the right to vote!

    8. Yes Linda I wear a girdle!.. There I’ve said it!

    9. Look into my eyes… WoooOooh… your getting very sleepy..

  101. Avatar eric ross burton says:

    honey im sorry i can not lie to you any longer, NO, i am not really cat woman!!
    and you, unfortunately, are not, Alex Trebek. Im sorry

  102. Avatar Myro says:

    Danny (85): Welcome back.

  103. Avatar Scorpidius says:

    “Hooray for boobies!”

  104. Avatar Dionne Jinn says:

    “Sweetheart, I’m going to the surgery. I want to be a woman, like you.”

  105. Avatar Tim says:

    5) “Remember that plane crash I was in? It actually turned out to be gas.”

  106. Avatar the creator says:

    hey honey, do you have a new haircut??

  107. Avatar Rapthama says:

    1) “The Leather Pants had the power.”
    2) “Where’s da cook book?”
    3) “In Soviet Russia, I look YOU!”
    4) “Um baby I think you have a stain next to your nose…”
    5) “Remember what the doctor said about the eye contact?”
    6) “Halloo!”
    7) “Hitler was an American”
    8) “Co za asy…”

  108. Avatar ThePerfectTense says:

    =3 FTW!
    Therefore, I present you with:

    11. Two Camels in a tiny car.


    12. FAKE AND GAY!

    13. Yeah, I’m stalking your mum.

  109. Avatar CHOSENONE81385 says:

    “I’ve got the blood of a tiger…I mean what is bipolar? if anything I’m bi-winning.”

  110. Avatar Bael says:

    I think so Brain. But what if the squirrel doesn’t like girls? (poit)

  111. Avatar BenK22 says:

    1. Half man, half horse.

    2. I can kill you with my brain.

    3. Beam me up, Scotty.

    4. I invented a lightsaber.

    5. …Then I ate her liver with fava beans and a nice cianti.

    6. I think I’ll just let myself out.

    7. Once we kill my wife, we can live happily ever after.

    8. You’ve never eaten a person? Really? They’re delicious. Taste just like chicken…well, not exactly; but you get the idea.

    9. That was totally wicked!

  112. Avatar Sutter_Kaine says:

    1) When I think about you I touch myself.
    2) The Buddhist sees the craving for wordly pleasure as a distraction from the path to enlightenment, but is not the desire for enlightment itself a craving and therefore a distraction?
    3) Why do you park in a driveway but drive on a parkway?
    4) A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.

  113. Avatar Mashlagoo says:

    1. I know kung fu.

    2. I replaced the toilet paper roll.

    3. Let’s invite your mother over.

    4. I’ll turn the game off so we can spend some time together.

    Sorry if any of these have already been taken.

  114. Avatar Mashlagoo says:

    5. I’m blue da ba dee da ba die…

  115. Avatar spidercow2010 says:

    But it’s so obvious to anyone that the Republican party is on the side of the poor and the middle class!

  116. Avatar John says:

    I dunno – Patrick’s “Glee” bit (#5) made me L-F’in-O-L. Well done.

  117. Avatar Nick Hentschel says:

    “My cat’s breath smells like cat food.”

  118. Avatar X-stacy says:

    Zombie porn. Zombie porn is why zombies want to eat people.

  119. Avatar Joe says:

    First comment on this site!!! I know this one is a bit weird but i thought it had to be done. “Mary had a little lamb. That lamb was me.”

  120. Avatar Jadebrain says:

    1. A-well-ah everybody’s heard, about the bird! A-ba-ba-bird, bird, bird, bir-bird’s the word!


    3. Hey buddy, listen, listen, listen, LISTEN!!! Let’s grow old together in every way, EVERY WAY!!!

    4. Catchphrase!

    5. We gotta get out of here! C-4 yourself!!!

    Anyone who’s ever watched the series “Dick Figures” (no, it’s not at all what it sounds like) should recognize those references from 2-5.

  121. Avatar X-stacy says:

    Look here, darling, if I seem unreasonable, it’s only because you’ve no ability to reason. Rocket science is no career for a woman.

    (After she’s done being stunned, I imagine she’ll slap Mr. Sim into next Thursday.)

  122. Avatar X-stacy says:

    We will destroy this land. We will burn all who oppose us, and we will use those who kneel as step ladders. And then, in accordance with the prophecy, we will watch Cats.

  123. Avatar Nick Hentschel says:

    “Jim… take me home! Climb the steps of Mt. Seleya!!!”

  124. Avatar B. Clouser says:

    There’s pie in my pants.

  125. alphaalpharomeo alphaalpharomeo says:

    1) I love it when you stare at me blankly.

    2)Oh damn….The roofie’s wearing off

  126. Avatar ThePerfectTense says:

    14. There’s a party in my pants. And urine. …………………………. vited.

    15. I voted BNP.
    Any British people should laugh at this.

    16. My hobby is having sex with women using a condom made of paper.


    18. Yes, I had an affair in the twenty minutes you were gone. And we had a son. He’d be about your age by now.

  127. Avatar Galactic Ketchup says:

    “Nitwit. Blubber. Ointment. Tweak.”

    “What if I’m the monster, Bella?”


  128. Avatar Loki says:

    1.”Remember when I said I’d kill you last? I Lied.”
    2.”-And then they made me their chief!”
    3.”And then it turns Bruce Willis was dead entire time!”

  129. Avatar ThePerfectTense says:

    19. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID… wait, crap.

    20. Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang

    21. Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious

    22. I am like a diamond – impressive, transparent, and extremely hard.

  130. Avatar ThePerfectTense says:

    23. Crap. I just lost the game.

  131. Avatar ThePerfectTense says:

    24. Can I order a Supreme Vagina please?
    More RWJ! sorry if a bit too dirty. If so just ignore it.

  132. Avatar Mashlagoo says:

    6. Shut the hell up.

  133. Avatar ThePerfectTense says:

    25. These are not the genes you’re looking for.

    26. You are progressing well, young padawan. The next stage is more challenging. You must give me a handjob without moving.

  134. Avatar Mashlagoo says:

    7. Four, eight, fifteen, sixteen, twenty-three, fourty-two

  135. Avatar Mashlagoo says:

    8. I’m team Edward!

  136. Avatar Mashlagoo says:

    9. I’m not a fan of professional sports.

  137. Avatar Connor S. says:

    Here mine is:

    Uh, we had a very burtation… Very Derison by let’s go hit terry tashion heather pet neshklabet.

  138. Avatar dblade says:

    “Bang, bang, bangity, bang, I said a bang bang bangity bang.”

    “Ah, my sweet little pickle. DJ done made me fall in love again.”

  139. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    Oh my God! xD
    Some of these are so stupidly funny. I almost ran out of air!

  140. Avatar ThePerfectTense says:


  141. Avatar ThePerfectTense says:

    28. Yo Dawg! I herd you like cats, so I put yo cat in yo cat so you can stroke while you- you have Aids.

  142. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    For any of the dick firgure fans you’ll get this…
    “French On-yon sop” (Means-French Onion Soup.)

  143. Avatar Jeff Hebert says:

    OK ThePerfectTense, I think close to 30 is about enough entries for one week, how about you take a break and rest up for the next one, especially given that last submission. Seriously, self-editing is your friend.

  144. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    And Jeff 93)
    I know I don’t own them, but only one thing was changed that’s why I brought it up.

  145. Avatar Jeff Hebert says:

    Nicholas, tell you what — you take care of writing funny dialog and I’ll take care of policing the entries, how’s that sound? I’m not an idiot, and these are in order — I can see if someone’s just rewording something that came before. I don’t want these things to devolve into a bunch of finger-pointing and interpersonal clashes about who did what first.

    Having said that, wording does matter. The same idea can be lame put one way, and funny the other. Crafting crunchy dialog is an art.

  146. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    Hey, I was just trying to justify myself. And yes, it certainly is an art.

  147. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    And I think I have 25 entries so I’m done…. 😛

  148. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    1.That’s right Priscilla, The spaceman choose me! Elvis Aaron Presley the starwalker
    James Dean
    2.”I’m playing the damn bongos and the world can go to hell.”

  149. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    3. After we made love last night for the first time, I realised something, something about myself… I’m gay

  150. Avatar Rui says:

    “Ok…prepare yourself for the spoiler… are you ready? You’d never guess it… well…it turns out that… well… IT WAS HIS SLED!!! I swear! His bloody sled! What a rip off…”

  151. Avatar Rui says:

    “…so now Pluto is not a planet any more. But apparently scientists still agree that it is a weird yellow dog that belongs to mouse…”

  152. Avatar Dan says:

    “We’ve deceided to cast Nicolas Cage as Superman, and he’s gonna have this neon & silver suit. It’s gonna be awesome.”

  153. Avatar frankie says:

    “I think we should name our unborn son, Spurt Hammond. Just think of all the adventures he’ll get himself into.”

    Sorry, Jeff, I guess I never took the time to actually read your name, I just looked at it.

  154. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    ^^^^ lol, some one knew a good joke for that awful name.
    But at least his name isn’t “Battle Texas” or “Magic Johnson”. Those are real names by the way.

  155. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    The panel is soooo horrible it has to be the next one we do.
    I mean…. LOOK AT IT!!!! WTF?!

  156. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    Joke count: Jeff can you delete some of my other posts so I can post this as a single comment?
    1.) You know I’m an emo vampire right?
    2.) Sooo…..the blood test is back! Guess what?
    3.) I say, is that a mirror in your pants? Because I see me inside you.
    4.) I was thinking….why are you yellow? Are we in the Simpsons!?!
    5.) I may have ‘accidentaly’ burned all your twilight and hot topic crap in a bon-fire. I just want to say, it looked awesome.
    6.)NO. For the last time, that’s not a banana, I AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU.
    7.) Pssst! Hey. Babe, do you need to see a doctor? Because I’m open! Wait….wait, that came out wrong…
    8.) The reason I’m blue? It envolves to many horrible details about my parents…..
    9.) When my dad said he’d beat me blue he was damn serious!
    10.) When we have kids I will teach them man-fu reguardless of gender! MWAHAHAHAAHA!
    11.) I…I liked SpiderMan 3! Don’t look judge me! *sheds tears*
    12.) You don’t know who the Nostalgia Critic is? I’m breaking up with you.
    13.) How dare you dislike the PS3! I’m so glad I gave you blue-AIDS….
    14.) Twilight, it’s my favorite movie to!
    15.) I shot the mayor, but not the deputy!
    16.) I’m to sexy for my face, I’m so sexy that I’m blue, I’m so sexy…. YEAH…!
    17.) I’m secretly your father’s second cousin’s uncle who is technically twice removed who’s also the nephew of your aunt!
    18.) You’re fired. And I slept with your mother! TAKE THAT!
    19.) I….I have ADHD! NNNOOOO!!! Hey look! A bottle cap!
    20.) My face, it has no facial features!!! It’s just AIR!!!!
    21.) I hate the other members of my WoW clan, and I’m secretly Leroy Jenkins brother, thrice removed!
    22.) I have….FORTY CATS!!!!!
    22.) Jelly Donuts are made of people!!!
    23.) Co Za Asy!
    24.) I was told Jon Stewart was funny, this was a lie.
    25.) Whut chu’ talkin bout’ Willis?!
    26.) Half-Life sucks balls! Lets play Left 4 Dead!
    27.) Mario IS better then Sonic. That’s what your mother said anyway.
    28.) I just found out I’m really your Dad. This…is akward.
    29.) There once was a woman named your mother. I ATE HER.
    30.) That blood test has come back…. You have a severe case of explosive diarrhea. I’m sorry
    31.) French On-yon sop.

  157. Avatar Brad says:

    Throughout my posts, I hope I don’t have any duplicates of other jokes. Here goes.

    1. “So, that’s Scientology in a nutshell.”
    2. “Carol, I have to tell you. I ate the last of the donuts. And Bobby.”
    3. “And then Bill and Ted saved History!”
    4. “In the future, a man with a blog will erase this and offer it for others to make fun of.”
    5. “Your grandson, Rob Liefeld, will attempt to COMPLETELY DESTROY THE COMIC INDUSTRY!”
    6. “That snorefest flick with the blue aliens? It’s going to become the highest grossing movie OF ALL TIME!”
    7. “It’s a cubic zirconia. Because I love you that much.”

  158. Avatar Brad says:

    I should’ve just left the post open.

    8. “Lauren, I tell you this is true. You must not share it with anyone, but Ben Affleck is going to win an Oscar.”

  159. Avatar Rick says:

    ” I can think of at least 159 ways to say this dear…”

  160. Avatar Rick says:

    “Honey, I wise man once told me to be real careful how I say things so you will find it amusing rather than lame.”

  161. Avatar Mr.MikeK says:

    7. You’re not fat now but I can see you pushing maximum density.

    8. I created LOLcats just fer you. Does you has a happy?

    9. I like the way Rob Liefeld draws feet and thigh pouches.

  162. Avatar nakiato says:

    7) If we ever have children they will be green, and green is my favorite color.

    8)meh meh meh meh, meh meh meh maaaaaaa me meh!

    9) We are like two peas in a pod, a space pod that will rocket us to the moon where we shall eat cheese till our bellies grow full!!!

    10) if you will just look at me for a moment I should like to tell you some incredible words.

  163. Avatar Tim says:

    7) “Jesus had lag. It took him three days to respawn.”

  164. Avatar kyle says:

    1.Honey i brought you that make-up form acme.
    2.The reason why im blue is because i was choking a smurf.
    3.staring contest..ready.go!
    4. What do you mean your mother is coming to town?

  165. Avatar Joking_King says:

    “It seems your face is stuck in that awkward stare again.”


    “If train A leaves gotham city at 5:00 going 55 mph and train B leaves at 5:30 going 75 mph, which train will reach metropolis first?”

  166. Avatar ThePerfectTense says:

    Sorry Jeff. I just got a little carried away.

  167. Avatar John says:

    Focus on the quality, folks. Not the quantity.

  168. Avatar Jeff Hebert says:

    YES YES YES! What John said times a thousand.

    I think next Caption Contest we’ll reinstitute a submissions limit. For a long time, having no cap led to more and better entries, but over time it seems to have just become “more”. I think it’s time for forced self-editing to make a comeback.

  169. Avatar Joe says:

    I agree. It’s hard to find someone with one entry

  170. Avatar Gargoyle323 says:

    I did one entry(although it was three quotes) and am pleased to stop there! Hope they are good enough. I don’t envy Jeff having to read all these entries. Good luck with that!!!

  171. Avatar dblade says:

    Baby, in this crazy four color world, cyan and yellows just don’t mix. Find yourself a nice magenta fella to settle down with.

  172. Avatar Mr.MikeK says:

    I wasn’t going to do another entry but after looking closely at the picture and noting that no one else commented on this:

    10. Darling, may I lick off that green booger next to your nose?

    I am I the only one that sees the guy as purple not blue? And yes, I have checked the color on my monitor.

    @Jeff – I agree with the need to limit the number of entries. Not only does it force people to really think about what they post but reduces your work load trying to get through all these.

  173. Avatar Alacron says:

    The cake is a lie.

  174. Avatar Rick says:

    I tried to stick to the old limit of three, but couldn’t resist being sarcastic later. I think three is still a good number. I will behave.

  175. Avatar Jeff Hebert says:

    I feel like three is probably too few; some of the best ones are when you’re having to get past the obvious jokes. But thirty is just as clearly too many. I’m thinking maybe a max of … five? Ten? Something in that ballpark.

  176. Avatar ThePerfectTense says:

    My gut says ten.

  177. Avatar Gero says:

    I think around 3-5 would be a good limit. I’ve always found it best to just write the first thing that comes to mind when looking at the picture, and it seems to work out good (2 wins and half a dozen places), so I never do more than two or three entries even when it’s unlimited…

  178. Avatar Runt82 says:

    I agree. Usually after my first 5, I get diminishing returns on my entries. Heck, I’ve only submitted one entry for THIS contest.

  179. Avatar MajorThomas says:

    I thought you were a man!
    It’s not me it’s you!
    And I thought ‘I’ was a man!

    Hope these jokes aren’t too obvious 😉

  180. Avatar Patrick says:

    “Iknow of guys who will make 30 or more entries in a Caption Contest.”

  181. Avatar MajorThomas says:

    I only just thought of some more after I post. D:

    I’m sorry love but I’m really a… A furry!

    I know I have a troll face, can we just forget that and meme in peace?

    Don’t tell me my fly is down.

    You are the most beautiful, elegant, mesmerising dishwasher I’ve ever seen.

  182. Avatar Me, Myself & I says:

    I say a cap of 5 should be sufficient.

  183. Avatar Grip says:

    ” I think I’m pregnant honey!”

  184. Avatar frankie says:

    “Hi, my name’s George. I’m unemployed and I live with my mom and dad.”

  185. Avatar Myro says:

    MMI (182): I think I hit 5 this week, and that’s on the high side for me.

  186. Avatar Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 says:

    10 trys sounds fair. 30 is to many. I didn’t realize I had that many. I was just thinking of what would work with the faceless blue man!

  187. Avatar Phantomcaliber says:

    1. “And THAT’S the way, uh-huh, uh-huh I like it.”
    2. “Honey… you seem to have forgotten my sandwich.”

  188. Avatar Phantomcaliber says:

    Also, sorry if I’ve taken anyone’s joke. I didn’t want to read all 9000000 of them first. 😛

  189. Avatar skybandit says:

    1-Veterans cannot be turned down.

    2-Quit trying to scan me!

    3-Yes, Mrs. Suleman, octuplets.

    4-Your cowardice makes me sad.

    5-Look at this! I specified BLUE mannikins!

  190. Avatar Dan says:

    I think the great thing about the contests that Jeff does is that you don’t have to post right away. Sometimes I get a line right away, sometimes I think about it for a day or two and come back. If I don’t have one that I don’t think is up to par, I don’t post it just to have something posted. I usually only do one post, but I understand people that want to post more, if they are actually funny. Five is more than enough, unless you are really on fire and putting up gold. Some people are obviously taking advantange of the freedom Jeff allows.

  191. Avatar The Steve says:

    1. …and that’s why nobody can believe that it’s not butter.
    2. It’s not delivery. It’s DiGiorno.
    3. Look at me, now look back at your man, now back at me. Your man is not me, but he could be, wish Ax bodywash!
    4. I took the cookie from the cookie jar.
    5. I’ve decided to break up with you in order to pursue a life as a vigilante.
    6. The schnozzberries taste like schnozzberries!

  192. Avatar Phantomcaliber says:

    @Skybandit 189 #3
    That made me laugh SO hard. xP

  193. Avatar Ryaxi says:

    You put the lime in the coconut.


    I never told you this but…I live in a pineapple under the sea.

  194. Avatar Adam says:

    1. I’m afraid I just blue myself.

  195. Avatar Adam says:

    I want to hear all about your day.

  196. Avatar Shogran says:

    “I’m sorry my dear, I do give a damn.”
    “This may creep you out, especially after last night. But, I’m from the future, Mother.”

  197. Avatar pyrodude760 says:

    theres a twister coming we only have minutes to live…
    wanna have some fun

  198. Avatar kidpool says:

    Yes, I know Im a Bear from the neck down