Caption Contest 86

Because I want to be sure everyone has time to work on their Friday Night Fight entries (reminder, they're due by this Friday! That's THIS FRIDAY!), I'm going to do a second Caption Contest week in a row. Now you've got no excuse for not entering FNF2!

This week's a bit different, though. Usually there's a pre-existing dialog balloon that I erase, leaving it to you to complete. This week, though, I wanted to go with a balloon-less image that you can add dialog to however you like, so you have a bit more freedom. And for our subject, what better than Ultimate Wolverine and Hulk duking it out? Or checking each other's teeth for broccoli stains, whichever. Here's your base image:

Be sure to indicate in your entry who's saying what. So for instance, you might submit something like:

Wolverine: Your breath stinks!
Hulk: Are you sure?! Take a REAL good whiff!

You can have one character saying something, or both, or neither, choosing instead for one of those bottom-line commentary captions you sometimes see on the funny pages. Like:

Commentary: And that was the last time Bruce Banner asked Logan for help picking meat out of his teeth.

Otherwise, the rules are simple -- as many entries as you like (within the bounds of good personal editing), appropriate for no worse than a late-night broadcast TV show, by next Monday. The winner receives their choice of a) any item they like to be included in HeroMachine 3; b) any portrait they like to be included in HM3; or c) any subject (within reason) for a Sketch of the Day style custom black and white drawing.

Good luck everyone!

(Hulk, Wolverine, this specific image, the term "super-hero", and any ideas you have ever had or might have in the future, along with the contents of your sock drawer, are all © Marvel Comics.)

100 Responses to Caption Contest 86

  1. Wolverine: okay, now say ah.

  2. 1. Hulk: IT’S NOT EASY BEING GREEN!

    2. Wolverine: I’m the best at what I do, and what I do isn’t pretty– that being a dental hygienist.

    3. Wolverine: Bub, believe me– you’re not gonna like me when I’m angry!

    4. Commentary: Wolverine just broke the news to The Hulk that Edward Norton won’t be returning to the franchise.

  3. “Dental hygene is very important.”
    “Look at the hair ball the Hulk just coughed up.”

  4. One more…

    5. Commentary: Things aren’t looking good at the latest Tea Party rally!

  5. “Hulk is NOT being just like his mother!”

  6. Nick Hentschel

    “Pardon me: would you have any Grey Poupon?”

  7. 1. Commentary: And so the Veiny Neck contest began!

  8. Hulk: “Your probably wondering, Is Hulk furious or a little angry, Well I got a question for you, do you feel lucky punk? Do you?!”

    Or How about…

    Hulk: “It feels like theres a frog in my throat.”
    Wolverine: “Toad!! The brotherhood is up to something!”

  9. Wolverine: Now if you weren’t such a drama queen….

    Bruce Banner: I’m not…..

    Hulk: ……A DRAMA QUEEN!!!!!!

  10. Hulk: Hulk HUNGRY!!! Hulk go NOM NOM NOM!!!
    Wolverine: *Sigh* Not again…. *Snick!*

  11. Logan (thought bubbles): I’ve smelled this before. Cripes, where have I smelled it before? I remember it being last New Years Eve, when Hulk ate fifty chili dogs, and drank an entire keg of beer. Right before he vomited…oh crap.

  12. 1. Hulk: Hulk said “a little off the sides!”

    2. Hulk: “Hulk smash!”
    Wolverine: “Oh, yeah… Wolverine snick!”

    Who drew this? Ansel Aneurism?

  13. 1. Hulk: HI!!!!!
    2. Hulk: If it weren’t for Hulk, puny mutant wouldn’t evan exist!!!!!!!!!
    3. Hulk: FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT A MUTANT!!! STOP TRYING TO RECRUIT ME FOR YOUR STUPID X-MEN!!!

  14. 1. Hulk: I AM YOUR FATHER!!!!
    Wolverine: If you were, you would yell louder.
    2. Wolverine: Being a dentist isn’t as easy as it looks.
    Hulk: Dentist bad, HULK wants Dr.Pepper!

  15. Wolverine in little kids voice : hey Mister…
    HUlk : For the last time kid i’m not Shrek!

  16. Hulk: Hugh Jackman is not better than Ed Norton!

  17. Hulk: Who says we have anger issues?!

  18. Wolverine: I say bannan splits, bub.
    Hulk: Hot Fudge Sundays!

  19. Wolverine: Gonna need a big jar for this tonsillectomy.

  20. samurai pineapple

    hulk: my cookie!!!

  21. “HULK DRINK WOLVIE’S MILKSHAKE!!!”

  22. W: ‘Sup, Bub
    H: WAASSSAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!!

  23. Me, Myself & I

    Wolverine: I never realized until now how bloody beedy your eyes look!

  24. Me, Myself & I

    Wolverine: Geez Hulk, you’ve gotta learn to floss.

  25. Me, Myself & I

    Wolverine: Don’t worry Hulk buddy. I’ll cut you another layer of sod to top your head in a jiffy!

  26. Wolverine: Staring contest!GO!

  27. Wolverine: …so your argument is rendered utterly fallacious if you consider causality as synthetic a priori!
    Hulk: Hulk insist puny Wolverine’s analysis lack analytical rigor! Hulk SMASH Kantian determinism!

  28. correction: Not if. When.

  29. Hulk: *BURP*

  30. Wolverine: Yep, I can see it, just hold still a minute…

    Wolverine: Hey Bruce, I just meant “as in a small scratch”

  31. Hulk: BABY RUUUUTH!!!

  32. Hulk: Stupid knife hand man. Hulk don’t use cutlery.

  33. Wolverine: When I said bend over and cough I meant the other direction.

  34. Wolverine: Tastes Great!!

    Hulk: LESS FILLING!!!! HULK SMASSSSSH!!!!

  35. Hulk: puny man get smashed
    wolverine: smash me and get impaled bub
    hulk: no not pointy objects they make hulks muscles deflate

    What hulks a fake too!?!? is nothing sacred anymore curse you popular media curse youuu!!!!

  36. 1. Hulk: HULK…NO…WANT…RIBS!!!

    2. Hulk: HULK GET POWERS FROM ALTOIDS! SEE?!

    3. Hulk: HULK SMASH!!!
    Wolverine: Come get some!!!

    4. H: LITTLE HAIRY MAN GOOD! HULK BAD!
    W: Good. Bad. I’m the guy with the indestructible Adamantium claws.

  37. Hulk: You want windblown hair? I’ll give you windblown hair!

  38. Wolverine: I’ve got a structured settlement, but I need the money now.

    Hulk: Call J. G. Wentworth … 1 877 Cash Now!!!

    Sorry, but I can’t get those stupid opera commercials out of my head and Hulk looks like he’s belting one out.

  39. alphaalpharomeo

    Wolverine: Listen Bruce, stop singing the BAckstreet Boys, or you won’t like me when I’m angry

  40. 1)Hulk: “You did WHAT to my Hello Kitty collection?!?!”

    2)Hulk: “Albert Einstein issued one of my favourite quotes in the history of the spoken word, and it is as follows: IN THE MIDDLE OF OPPORTUNITY -oh- excuse me, in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. I’m going to repeat that so I have clarity tonight. IN THE MIDDLE OF DIFFICULTY LIES OPPORTUNITY!”

  41. and one more

    3) Hulk: “I have a masters degree in administration..AND A MASTERS DEGREE IN COMMUNICATION”

  42. Commentary: Mentos, the fresh maker!

  43. Hulk: YOU OUT OF ORDER! YOU OUT OF ORDER! EVERYBODY OUT OF ORDER!

  44. WolverineThis is madness

    Hulk:madness? THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  45. Wolverine: This is madness

    Hulk:madness? THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  46. 1) H: Clean my teeth!
    —-
    2) W: You got a cavity, all right.
    —-
    3) H: Laaaaaaaa…
    W: No, no, I said C FLAT!
    —-
    4) H: Who did you vote for?!?
    W: Sorry, it’s a secret ballot, bub.

  47. alphaalpharomeo

    Hulk: This is Sparta!!!!!!!

  48. alphaalpharomeo

    Hulk: What do you mean I’m not your type?

  49. alphaalpharomeo

    Comentary: Even though they both lost, they still argues over whose heromachine character was better.

  50. 5. H: WHO LET THE DAWGS OUT??? WOOF WOOF!

    6. H: GROIN!!!!

    7. H: SHUT UP, YOU’RE WRONG!!!

  51. Hulk: Ima chargin’ mah lazar!

    commentary: Hulk uses Roar. wolverine is returned. Ash sends out Cyclops.

    Hulk: I SAY SUMO WRESTLING
    Wolverine: Or maybe a nice game of chess?

  52. Wolverine: My movies are better!
    Hulk : No Hulk movie better!

  53. Wolverine: Listen bub get out of my face.
    Hulk: Grow few inches then hulk talk.

  54. Wolverine: Listen bub I don’t want sprinkles.
    Hulk: WHAT no sprinkles on ice cream.

  55. Wolverine: Look bub im going to play as Ryu.
    Hulk: Hulks copy of Marvel vs. Capcom Hulk is Ryu!

  56. Wolverine: Look bub im better im in more movies.
    Hulk: Hulk better Hulk in Avenger movie!

  57. Wolverine: 1…2…3…Shoot ha scissors beat that.
    Hulk: Hulk SMASH scissors! Hulk win.

  58. Commentary: Fanboys everywhere wet their pants at the prospects of a Wolverine Dental Clinic.

    Wolverine: So, where exactly do you want the flesh tattoo?
    Hulk: IN MOUTH!

    Commentary: Wolverine casually remembered to find a better mechanic for his right-hand claws, as this was a horrible time for them to malfunction.

  59. HULK: “Why have more hair than Hulk? You too old. Give hair to Hulk.”

  60. HULK: “Hulk AM the Brute Squad.”

  61. Joshua….that Tea Party joke was terrible.
    Also heres mine. (McRibb hype)
    Hulk-“HULK WANT HIS MC RIBS, NOOOWWW!!!!!”
    Wolverine-“I’m sorry Hulk, but….I ate the LAST one.”
    Hulk-“…Hulk SMASH PUNY MAN!!!!”

  62. Wolverine: Tomato…

    Hulk: TO-MOT-TOOOOO!!!!

  63. Nicholas (61): Please don’t insult the other entries.

  64. Second entry:

    Wolverine: “Colonoscopy” with the double word score, should equal…let’s see….two, six….
    Hulk: HULK NOT THINK THAT WORD! SHOW HULK IN DICTIONARY!

  65. Okay, yeesh….but it was…..and it’s not like other people might think mine or anyone else’s aren’t to. And now I’m trailing off so, ok Jeff I won’t.

  66. Okay, one last one. And I’m not above pandering to Jeff’s love of football.

    Hulk: HULK HATE STUPID BALD MAN! HULK SMASH BRAD CHILDRESS!
    Wolverine: Bub, if you don’t start using your indoor voice, I’m going to rip out your larynx so I can get some peace and quiet.
    Hulk: But Hulk have both Brett Favre and Randy Moss on fantasy football roster! Now Hulk never make playoffs.

  67. Wolverine: Ho, hum, hi, he’s The…..
    Hulk: Do I look like the JOLLY GREEN GIANT to YOU?!

  68. 1:
    Hulk: “SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!”
    Wolverine: “OOOOH YEAH!”

  69. 2:
    Hulk: “PANCAKES!!!”
    Wolverine:” No! WAFFLES!”

  70. 3:
    Hulk: “ARROWED!!!”

    This is a little esoteric, here’s the source πŸ™‚

  71. Hulk: WRROOONNNGGG!

  72. HULK- NOT IT

  73. Caption: Hulk and Wolverine debut on America’s Funniest Home Videos.

  74. Commentary: The Edward vs Jacob fad is affecting even the bravest of superheroes.

  75. Me, Myself & I

    Wolverine: No seriously, I got your toothpicks right here.

  76. Me, Myself & I

    Hulk: Oral Hi Jean? . . . I ARE NOT! What Scott think?

  77. Hulk: Planet Hulk tickets are $4.99!!!
    Wolverine: Planet Wolverine has a zoo, beat that!

  78. 3.Wolverine: Guess what!
    Hulk: What?!
    Wolverine: Your fat!
    Hulk: No you.
    Wolverine: Sure I am but..but…HULK MEANS BULKY!
    Hulk: At least you have chest hair….
    Wolverine: At least I have more hair than you…
    Hulk: At least I have a girl friend….

  79. Caption 1

    Wolverine, thinking to himself: Dangit, he was right; his tongue tattoo is WAY more detailed than mine!

    Caption 2

    Hulk: Hulk already have girlfriend! No like Wolverine!
    Wolverine: I’d rather kill you than let someone else have you! *snikt!*

    Caption 3

    Hulk: Why hairy blade man so popular?! Hulk not understand!
    Wolverine: Because, bub, I’m an anti-hero, and anti-heroes are always popular with the disenchanted and the socially-awkward. Hah! So there!

  80. Me, Myself & I

    Capton: The Hulk was getting tired of always getting sick so he resoted to unusual measutres.

    Wolverine: That’s right. Just hold it right there. One tonsilectomy comming right up.

  81. Can’t resist throwing another two out there:

    1. Commentary: Logan discovers too late that the LOST series finale didn’t sit too well with Dr. Banner.

    2. Caption: Suddenly, metal detectors go off at LAX Airport. Logan: Guess who’s givin’ you your full body cavity search, Sunshine?

  82. Me, Myself & I

    Wolverine: Would you like a sedative for your vasectomy?

  83. MMI, NOO!!!! You took my joke idea!
    Arrgghh…wow 20 more posts? Shoot!

  84. Me, Myself & I

    Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43 (82)

    Great minds think alike as they say; or was it fools seldom differ? I’ll go with the great minds.

  85. Hulk: Hey you, you take that back. The lady said NO pickles!

  86. HULK: “Hulk no Frank and Stein this year. Hulk want be Batman.”

  87. some more

    1. Hulk: RAAAAAA!
    Wolverine: Grrr?

    2. Wolverine: SOMEONE forgot to say excuse me.

    3. Wolverine: yo mamma so fat, when her beeper goes off people think she’s backing up.
    Hulk: well wolverine mamma so dumb, she ask Hulk for grammer lesson.

  88. HULK: I said I wanted DECAF!!!!

  89. MMI(83) I’d take either.
    But I like the first one more.

  90. 85] joel….#3 almost made me swallow my gum. Darn you….

  91. Narrator: And in the last round of the flatulence final both contestants are giving it their all

    Narrator: Wolverine was starting to wish wish he’d picked a different singing partner
    Hulk: I got you babe…

  92. Commentary: A friendly game of scrabble gets violent.
    Hulk: ABBREVIATION DON’T COUNT!!!

  93. Wolverine: Guess what?
    Hulk: What?
    Wolverine: The Game.
    Hulk: OMG I am going to kill you!

  94. @Oquies [94] That is hysterical πŸ˜€

  95. Zorbas The Awesome

    Hulk: I LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK!
    Wolverine thinking: PCP: $40
    Pill crusher: $10
    2 sodas: $5
    Watch Bruce trip balls: Priceless

  96. HULK: “Get in my Belly”!!!!!!!!
    LOGAN: “Thats what she said bub”!

  97. HULK: “Ha! Hulk, Edward Norton. ‘Littleman’, Edward Scissorhands.”

  98. W: What are you doing?
    H: Posing for the new Big Mac ad.

  99. H: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CANNOT BRUSH MY TEETH WITH YOUR STEEL BRISTLES?

    W: I CAN CLEAN YOUR MOUTH OF ITS TEETH, BUT NOT CLEAN THE DIRT OUT OF IT!