Guest Post: B.S. Slinger

(Note: The following is a guest post from a writer code-named “B.S. Slinger”. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of management, but rather are purely those of the author. Who, I hope, has donned flame-proof underwear.)

My name is B.S. Slinger and Jeff has ask me if I would be able to
come up with something for a post today. Jeff and I go way back,
remember the first time I meet him, it was the first day of Day Care.
He has always had a thing about pants. Diaper off and there he was
naked as a Jay Bird watching cartoons. More about the good old
days later, now to the post.

“Welcome to my View on Comics”

Were the first Comic Books painted on cave walls? Did Comic
books really start off as paintings on a clay pot? Who was the first
person to start painting fantasy art? Were the ingredients they mixed
for paint the real reason fantasy came to be? All these questions and
more would be answered here today, but I have no clue what the
answers would be. But they are good questions. The thing I do
know is, I love Comic Books, and I have all my life.

I would like to talk about what Comic Books have done with
the female body. The female body has been transformed, redesigned,
and added to. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, it is down right awesome
if you ask me. No complaints from me at all. Heck, 90% of the artists
out there draw the female figure with bigger than life breasts anyway,
so what man in his right mind would say something against that.
From Angels to Zombies, Comic Books have them all. The good, the bad,
and the beautiful. So, without further stalling, here are a few of my
favorites.

First up is the queen of comic books herself, “Wonder Woman.” What
costume hasn’t she made look good. Even her secret identity is as sexy as
all get out, with that naughty school teacher look and those little black
glasses covering those bedroom eyes. Does anyone even know what color
eyes she has? I think the only time that we even notice that she has eyes
is when she is using her secret identity. All these years, people have
believed it was her magic lasso that made you tell the truth. What man
wouldn’t tell her anything she wanted to know looking into those eyes.
And her costume! I love how she looks in the stars and stripes. There
is nothing old about her Glory. Long live Wonder Woman! Long live the
Queen!

Next up, the lady that puts the storm in “stormy relationship.” None
other than Storm herself, the white eyed beauty. To me, her best costumes
are the white ones. I like the way they compliment the dark tone of her skin.
When she rises into the air, with the dark clouds swirling, and the lightening
striking all around her, it’s just electrifying! The only drawback that I ever
saw in her was the mohawk. Never cared for it. It didn’t do her justice.
Give me the long flowing white hair that, to me, is her trademark.

Another angel in the sky, real wings and all, is Hawkgirl. With her ready
for flight body framed by those beautiful wings. What could be more angellic
than that? There’s nothing hotter than a woman with her own mace, that
actually knows how to use it. Hooters ain’t got nothing on this bird girl.

When you have the lean, and you have the mean, you’ve got to have
some green. She-Hulk definitely has the green. She is the first thing to come
to mind when I hear the phrase, “Go Green.” When she was with the Fantastic
Four, their name should have been changed to the Fantastic One. She made
her costume look hotter than the Human Torch.

Now for my “A” list of “Bad Girls.”

The thief that stole my heart was Cat Woman. She’s the sexiest kitty
out there. I think she should win the hottest comic book cover ever with
the one that has her in a wedding dress. WOW!! in EVERY way! Her skin
tight outfits? All I can say is, “tight is right.” She wouldn’t have to be a thief
to get me to chase her. No wonder she always leaves Batman swinging.

The next one is as natural as they come: Poison Ivy. Makes you want to
go out and buy stock in calamine lotion. The sexiest redheaded villain
out there. She just makes you want to turn over a new leaf! She can tie
me up with her vines anytime. There are few better at making thing grow
than Poison Ivy.

The last, but certainly not least girl, is no joke. The Joker is not the only
guy that Harley Quinn drives crazy. The cutest thing in pigtails you have ever
seen. She can hit me over the head with her mallet and smash my face
with her pie any day.

There are hundreds of women in the comic book world. Take your pick,
there has to be at least one of them that as caught your eye. If you’d care
to share, we’d all like to hear about your favorite comic book beauty. I
guess just to be fair, girls, you tell us about your hot hunky heroes
(husbands and boyfriends not included).
Get your comic on!!
B.S. Slinger

p.s. Jeff, a plastic cup from your hotel bathroom is not a souvenir.

11 Responses to Guest Post: B.S. Slinger

  1. Nice list Mr. Slinger.

    For me the good guys were always blessed with lots beauties. In my early comic book experiences the most beautiful heroine was Dawnstar from The Legion Of Superheroes. Not only does she have the amazing wings but also the dark long hair, which appeals to me to this day.
    My second place goes to Medusa of The Inhumans. Ijust love that red-haired chick. Paired with a limitless compassion for her husband, she is just adorable. By the way, am I the only one who thinks her powers are awesome? If her hair was as solid as steel, imagine what she could do with only one hair.
    Third place in my rating goes to Starfire from The Teen Titans. She combines power, an athletic body and enough exotic traits to attract men by the dozens. Her golden skin really sets her apart from the rest.

    In the villain business my first choice goes to Black Cat from Spider Man’s rogues gallery. She is just gorgeous. Her long white hair and her black costume contrast each other perfectly.
    And what would the villain world be without Emma Frost. She walks around in her lingerie. She has to be in my ranking.
    The third spot was a tight race, but eventually it went to the Enchantress from Asgard. She is a scheming bitch, but she wouldn’t need a magic spell to persuade me to do everything she wanted.

  2. Weird as this is, for me, it doesn’t get much better than Hop O’Dare from James Robinson’s Starman. Or maybe it’s just the way Tony Harris drew women. I’ll be honest, I always prefer the more realistically drawn women in comics compared to the impossibodied heroines of the mainstream.

  3. Mystique is the first one that comes to mind. Maybe its cheating but, if she doesn’t look like your ideal woman she can change that. Shape shifting was always one of my favorite abilities too but, I suppose she doesn’t really shape shift.

  4. Well most you guys have deccent taste! Catwoman and Blackcat? Must win A list comic hotties…though you seem to have forgotten rouge from X-men. There are so many alures to her it’s hard to list! xD
    Though Storm and Harly Quinn are deffinatly on my list!
    :p

  5. i couldn’t pick one:
    jean grey
    x-23
    marrow
    Mary Jane
    black cat
    Valkyrie
    Rogue
    Power Girl
    Red Sonja
    Zatanna
    She-Ra
    Starfire
    Huntress
    Scarlet Witch

  6. I’m actually a big Carol Danvers fan, whichever super-identity she’s going by at the time.

  7. Ive always been a fan of Wonder Woman. Second, in no particular order I’ll list these:
    Black Canary
    Zatana
    Lady Death
    Huntress
    Supergirl
    Starfire
    Barbara Gordon (Batgirl/Oracle)

    but I gotta say, if we mix this with RPGs, Red Sonja and Taarna (the white haired warrior from the Heavy Metal Movie) have inspired quite a few of my characters.. paper and online.

  8. Me, Myself & I

    Speaking of comic hotties, and just a testiment to how flexible Hero Machine really is, I thought to include this here. Done 100% on HM3. Anyone recognize her?

    http://dl.dropbox.com/u/6781672/MMI%20Black%20Cat%20Lrg.bmp

  9. Me, Myself & I

    Thank you HK.

  10. Who doesn’t love Catwoman? The rest of my favorites all come from X-Men, mostly because that’s the only series I’ve read at length.

    Mystique: As herself, she’s okay. But the sheer potential present in a shapeshifter is what puts her on the list.
    Storm: Yeah, the long white hair is kind of a trademark, but mohawk era Storm is just … guh. “Yes, ma’am” hot.
    Calysto: I know she was supposed to be ugly and all, but she was just so damn bad-ass.

    And on the other side of the coin:
    Nightcrawler: Acrobatic, cheerful (before the whole religious angst thing), and that tail.
    Longshot: I don’t know. You’ve got the acrobatic build again, and you’ve also got that cheerfulness.

    I think I liked Longshot and Nightcrawler partly because they looked more like people than freakish bodybuilders.