Our Poll Position this week is a special sub-set of the "Whose sidekick do you want to be" question:
Junior super-heroes have a long history, from Kid Flash to Speedy (Green Arrow's buddy) to Aqualad and too many more to mention in between. They're mostly a legacy of the Silver Age, particularly the "Boy" and "Girl" versions. Even though Batman has arguably the best known sidekick, at least he's not "Bat Boy", which in addition to being silly would draw unwelcome comparisons to baseball flunkies.
The worst offender was DC, particularly with Aqualad and Wonder Girl. My theory is they just ran out of ideas and so had to resort to this, ultimately culminating in an entire team of Lads and Lasses with the Legion of Super-Heroes.
But let's say you have the chance to be a Mini-Me version of a popular character, with a cute little matching outfit (possibly with a different color scheme) and matching powers. Who would you rather Lad or Lass for?
- Cyclops: What amuses me most about this is Scott Summers' sunny disposition trying to deal with a youngster tagging along, crimping his moody, glowering style with the super-babes. I also like to think that they'd do away with "Cyclops Boy" and just go with "Squinty", but that wouldn't be in keeping with the rules here.
- Green Lantern: Before you say "even a kid with a power ring would be a full Green Lantern and not a sidekick," let me just say that the biggest selling title in the stable right now for DC is "Zombie Green Lanterns". So don't get all up in my face with your "That makes no sense" jive, you hep cat, because history has shown nothing if not that there is no "too silly to do" when it comes to Green Lantern.
- Hawkeye: I don't quite know how you'd pull off this name. Hawkeye Boy? Hawkboy? Boy Eye? Regardless, a small child running around in purple spandex is not something we should embrace.
- Hawkman: Hawkboy has a certain ring. He's sure as hell kick Aqualad's squishy rump.
- Hulk: Given the recent trends in Hulkery, he'd have to be Purple Hulk Boy or Red Hulk Lad or whatever, a tiny, mightily-muscled brat with rage issues. Sounds like every two year old I ever met.
- Spider-Man: I actually think some sort of Spider-Lad could work. Peter could teach him how to mope, how to not make a living despite awesome powers, how to lose hot babes, and how to serve as a whipping boy for your boss.
- Storm: Storm Girl, or Storm Lass, either works from just the sound of the name. And given Ororo's history (or at least, her history as of the last time I paid attention to the X-Men, which was an awfully long time ago), adopting an orphan makes a lot of sense.
So if I look at this from a comics reader's perspective, I'd probably go with Storm, because I think there are actually some interesting plot angles to take there. If I'm looking at it from the point of view of the question, which is "which one would I want to actually be", I'd probably go with Green Lantern. Partly because those rings are kick-ass (even if, in keeping with the tradition, my ability with it would not be the equal of a full GL), partly because going into space would rock, and partly because Hal Jordan's a man's man and could teach me how to wear a leather jacket without looking like a pansy.
Which would you rather be?