Poll Position: Kickin’ it side-style

Apologies for the slow posting, the site's been at a crawl all day and I got distracted drawing. The "Sky" set has morphed into general backgrounds and buildings, because once you get past clouds and stars and the sun, you're pretty much done as far as skies go. Who knew?

Anyway, our Poll Position this week puts you in the position of super-hero-in-training, as you get the chance to apprentice with one currently side-kickless character:

{democracy:93}

Discussion to follow!

  • Darth Vader: "Force Unleashed" kind of stole the thunder on this one, but you have to admit, if you're going to go to the Dark Side, you'd be hard pressed to find a teacher better able to instruct you in all the ways of bad-assery. Upside: Graduation means you can choke that jerk in the weekly meeting to death without getting up. Downside: You probably get stuck with clean-out-the-gunk-in-the-suit detail.
  • Iron Man: Rich bosses can go one of two ways. It's either the best job you'll ever have, or an unending hell as they treat you like a cockroach. Tony Stark could probably go either way depending on the hour, and how much tequila he's had. Upside: Excellent tutoring in both business and fighting with a super-suit. Downside: You probably get stuck with clean-out-the-gunk-in-the-suit detail.
  • Robin: Why can't sidekicks have sidekicks? "Robin, get the Joker's oafish henchman!" "Estefahn, go get that guy aaaaaaand a double latte." Upside: You get to spend at least some time with Batman, which rocks. Downside: You have to spend a LOT of time with Robin and probably get clean-out-the-green-Speedo detail.
  • Spider-Man: What would the companion to a spider be? Spider-Lad is just silly, and The Aphid, well, let's just not go there. Upside: You get to live in New York City. Downside: Living in New York City and working for a guy who's broke all the time is not fun.
  • Superman: If you're going to be a lackey, why not work for the biggest and baddest guy on the planet, right? Upside: Superman is the best super-hero in the world, and you'd be getting training right from him. Downside: His last sidekick was a dog. Do the math.
  • Wolverine: In terms of pure unadulterated bad-mo-fo-hood, you can't beat Wolverine. If you want to be a tough-guy super, he's the man to mentor you. Upside: Hopefully one of your side-kick abilities would be the Mutant Healing Factor because, come on, that's awesome. Downside: Wolverine's a loner and would probably cut you into bits every day to keep you from pestering him, timing it so by the time you healed up enough to walk the day would be over.
  • Wonder Woman: Hands down the best female warrior in the DCU, and an extremely capable teacher. Upside: You might occasionally get a stint on hand-me-the-loofah detail. Downside: The lavatory in the Invisible Jet. Blech!

From a purely selfish standpoint, I'd probably want to be Superman's sidekick, because a) I'd probably get some rad powers in the process and b) Superman's enemies don't usually actually kill the people Superman hangs out with. Yeah, sure, Lois and Jimmy are constantly "in danger" but Superman never lets anything actually bad happen to them. When you're working in the same field as the former Jason Todd, that's worth a lot.

From the point of view of a comics fan, though, I think having a sidekick would cramp Superman's style too much. I'd probably enjoy reading about anyone persistent enough to get Logan to the point where he'd allow a punk kid to follow him around. So I'd vote for Wolverine as a reader, and Superman as an actual personal option.

How about you?

6 Responses to Poll Position: Kickin’ it side-style

  1. Studies show Wolverine is willing to take on a sidekick if, and only if, the sidekick in question is a young girl. Shadowcat and Jubilee both had stints of near-sidekickdom. Of course, I seem to remember something like three X-focused issues of What If from the late eighties or early nineties in which Wolverine personally killed Shadowcat. So…maybe take a pass.

  2. It would be cool as all get out to be able to train under all of them. But I picked Wolverine for his kick azz and take no names style. But I would love to be Wonder Woman’s towel boy if the jod ever came up.

  3. RitoruBushi

    Vader’s “okay”, but honestly, Darth Krayt, Darth Revan, even Exar Kun would be a far more superior choice. All Vader’s gonna teach you is what any emotionaly-crippling divorce can teach you, and how to eat sh*t and smile.

    Question, why wasn’t Batman a choice? Granted, he goes through sidekicks like some superheroes change underware, but who better to learn the art of whoop a$$ and how to take a gunshot without batting an eyelash from?

  4. Of these, I’d go with Iron man. I don’t like him, but he’s got big budget, I’d get a cool armor (hopefully not red and yellow) and he’s fairly understanding person and fair boss, when not hammered. Darth Vader would be far cooler boss by sheer bad-assery, but I’ll pass due to his One-mistake-and-your’re-out-policy. Spider-man and Wolverine are both masochistic adrenaline junkies who like pain, which I don’t and Robin is so annoying that I’d quit after 5 minutes…or beat him up myself. Wonder woman’d go otherwise, but I’d need a really good dental plan, because she’d kick my teeth out 3 times a day for staring at her cleavage.

  5. isn’t war machine ironmans sidekick?

  6. Yep, and the former Nightwing is now Batman.
    Also, I picked Robin mostly because it really means “Alfred’s sidekick”, so I’d get to see just about everything Bats has, then polish it. And in battle situations, I’d be the decoy. The bait. I’d be…

    [Stay tuned for the Adventures of Batman and Robin, featuring: the Worm!]

    …yeah..!