Blast from the Past: Caption Contest 57

Like an old boyfriend who just can't let go, or the drooling zombie hungry for your brains, it's ... the RETURN of the CAPTION CONTEST! By request, for at least this week we're going to return to that treasured gem of old, and I will challenge you to come up with the best or funniest replacement dialog for this comic book panel:

atomman-1-1946-blank

It's been a while, so let's review the rules.

  • All entries must be made as comments to this post;
  • No more than three (3) entries per person;
  • Keep it clean, appropriate for a PG-13 type of audience (which I admit will be difficult given the ... suggestive physical appearance of the highly complicated scientific device in the image).

That's it! I'll choose a winner next Tuesday, to be selected by whichever one makes me laugh the most. So get ready to bring the funny! The winner will get to choose to have either a caricature of their face, or any one item of their choice, included with the HeroMachine 3 final version.

Good luck everyone!

(Image from "Atom-man" number 1, 1946.)

98 Responses to Blast from the Past: Caption Contest 57

  1. Avatar KountKill says:

    “How we got this one past the comic code authority, I’ll never know.”

  2. Avatar Tristan says:

    Okay i was looking forward to a character contest oh well here goes: “I just wanted a female oponion because if Galacticus’s sister isnt happy when she sees it……”

  3. Avatar Tristan says:

    “so its time for your prostate exam”
    “its the super-kablomm-killeveryone-giant gun-thingy”

  4. Avatar chase says:

    What Do We Do?

  5. Avatar Whit says:

    Come up with something funny to fill in the balloon. Like this:

    “C’mon, sometimes a dilithium centrifuge matrix is JUST a dilithium centrifuge matrix.”

  6. Avatar chase says:

    Oh, thanks dude

  7. Avatar chase says:

    “Yes this hydroy lemplex laser gun comes with tricycle insurance, and free banana’s, but not walnut tree’s”

    I really don’t know I just thought of the first that was random.

  8. Avatar Hammerknight says:

    Does it come in any size other then small?

  9. Avatar Syzyx says:

    1) See!? My Gigant-O-Ray works! Now what are we going to do with a ballpeen hammer this size…?

    2) And for the discerning couple in the market for oversized super-housewares, we have this beauty: an electric haircurler and barbell in one!

    3) It’s great, Atom-man, but how do we move it?

  10. Avatar RSC5 says:

    “We hid this little money pit in the budget under ‘janitorial supplies’. We don’t even know what it does! Looks awesome though. Here let me switch on the LEDs…”

    “I can see the missus isn’t too pleased with this model, but I assure you that it does cook a pot roast in under thirty nanoseconds. It also comes in designer colors of Electric Orange and Velveteen Purple.”

    “That over there’s our blue rectangle collection, to your left you’ll see the random yellow gauges, and this here’s a giant metal contraption that’s really a must have for any aspiring mad scientist lab. We call it our “Big Bertha” model.”

  11. Avatar Syzyx says:

    (As an aside, has anyone else noticed that the gauge in the foreground looks an awful lot like an upside-down smiley face with a cigarette?)

  12. Avatar Hammerknight says:

    I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours.

  13. Avatar Hammerknight says:

    Where do you put the quarters in?

  14. Avatar RSC5 says:

    Oops, I meant for “Big Bertha” to be ‘Big Bertha’. Remember kids, single quotes inside double quotes!

  15. Avatar Loki says:

    1.”HA! MINE IS BIGGER!”

    2.”No, no, its ‘pew pew!’ not ‘voooo!cooom!’ ”

    3. “….Atom-Man…are you compensating for something?”

  16. Avatar RSC5 says:

    You know, now that I banged all those out at once, I’ve just realized what a long, dragging wait I’ll have in the meantime.

    Aw.

  17. Avatar The Doomed Pixel says:

    1) …and if you’re feeling particularly frisky, we have the “Extra Extra Larger” model.

    I’ll leave you to your decision.

    2)No, actually, it never really occurred to me…
    …but yeah, I guess it kind of does.

  18. Avatar jude says:

    1. “What is that!?”

    2. “Galactus lost this during his last battle with the fantastic four.”

    3. “You wasted my money on this!!”

  19. 1. “It’s great fun, but there are a few side effects. If you can’t turn it off after 4 hours, you may need to seek medical attention.”

    2. “It’s just like the one Michael Jackson slept in to stay looking young and healthy.”

    3. “Now we call this the model the Prince Albert Deluxe 5000.”

  20. Avatar Danny Beaty says:

    1. Extenze works on any man, any age.

    2. I’d hate to see it’s female counterpart!

    3. This one will be shipped to Madonna.

  21. Avatar The Imp says:

    1. “Folks, I understand it’s exciting. Really, I do. But you can’t just go rubbing blueberry jam on it!”

    2. “Overcompensating? Why no, whatever gave you that idea?”

    3. “So Janie, your dad tells me you’re starting to get curious about boys…”

  22. Avatar Al says:

    “Go ahead-say anything about it that can’t be made into a ‘That’s what she said’ joke. I DARE you.”

  23. Avatar Timespike says:

    Witness my ultimate doomsday device – the world’s most enormous pneumatic bank tube! MWAHAHAHA!

  24. Avatar RSC5 says:

    Obsessive Afterthought: Jeff, the final sentence of my entries are extra punchlines, so remove them if winning means fitting in that little bitty bubble. Not that it’ll probably help much, in that case.

  25. Avatar IzzyaGod says:

    And this is how we brought Chuck Norris down (please forgive me for that one)

    This Mr. Jhonsan is what we use for the repeat tax evaders when we knock on their doors

    Well we do not know specifically what it’s weak spot is but this should hit it ….

  26. Avatar RJ mcd says:

    its a snow cone maker

  27. Avatar HecNukem says:

    Are you sure Galactus won’t wake up if we touch it?

  28. Avatar William A. Peterson says:

    “Yours might be longer, NOW, Mr. Johnson, but after five minutes with the VAKK-U-PUMP 3000, Mine will be the largest in the World… the Galaxy… Nay, the very UNIVERSE!”

  29. Avatar Patrick says:

    My wife swears by it.

  30. Avatar berserker says:

    we use this to open buildings up like cans of soup, chicken noodle soup

    and we use this to make the white paint

  31. Avatar berserker says:

    and we use this to make the white paint and that ends our tour,
    browser acted up and somehow submitted comment

  32. Avatar madbadger says:

    But it makes the driest martini you ever had!

  33. Avatar darkvatican says:

    “…and now that I have it, I just can’t stop touching it.”

  34. Avatar Ian says:

    1. No, it’s not to be taken internally.

    2. What? No, I’m not compensating for anything. Why?

    3. If only that rascally rabbit hadn’t stolen the Iludium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator…there’d be a tremendous KABOOM!

  35. Avatar Hammerknight says:

    So Dark what’s your quote for the contest, you been using that one every since you were ten. J/K lol

  36. Avatar darkvatican says:

    lol@HK

  37. Avatar Dan Gonzalez says:

    “I know it seems strange, but to power it up you have to rub the underside like this…”

  38. Avatar Steve says:

    1. …So I says to Martha, “Darling, its not the size that counts, its how you use it.” So she laughed at me and bought this two hours later.

    2. I have no idea what it is, but Billy Mays sure made it sound like I needed it.

    3. Yes, it IS an older model, but you know what they say about experience, right? Your daughter would love it!

  39. Avatar Crinold says:

    “I can assure you, this will certainly spice up your love making, and if not we do not pay the medical bill”

  40. Avatar DJ says:

    “To answer your question it’s just a few inches smaller then this. Anything else?”

  41. Avatar chase says:

    “Are you sure this would be a good present for our son”

    “Can I use it for my soup”

  42. Avatar Xstacy says:

    Satisfaction guaranteed, except where prohibited by law.

  43. Avatar Cameron says:

    1. That’s a nice invention Atom Man, but doesn’t it look a little suggestive?

    (The Speech bubble looks like it is coming from the machine.)

    2. I hope no one notices I have an Advanced AI.

    3. What does this do for you exactly?

  44. Avatar The Doomed Pixel says:

    3) It’s a penis. Why, what did you think it was?

  45. Avatar Whit says:

    …and that is how Twinkies are made. Any questions?

  46. Avatar Bael says:

    1) Well, it looks great in the showroom, but how do I get it inside?

    2) …and here we have the machine that goes “PING!”

    3) Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! I guarantee you the ride of your lives! Line forms to the left! Hurry, hurry, hurry!

  47. Avatar Niall Mor says:

    So, Judy, ya think Mom’ll like it?

    I dunno, somehow, I thought it would be bigger.

  48. Avatar Jose Inoa says:

    1) “Oh! Und vas is das? Vhy, is special “DER MEISTER” model! It haff very powerful ingine! Und is great for kombat needs at home or office already! But, vas deferens? Ha-Ha!” [bottom bubble section,tiny letters ->] “Is good, ja?”

  49. Avatar The Dudemeister says:

    1. You can tell Mr. Galactus not to worry, all men need to be checked at his age. This is the device we’ll use. We’ll cover it will a special jelly and…

    2. The original models of the Sentinels all had these installed, but Northstar and Colossus kept trying to climb on them, so we had to have them removed.

    3. The darn cost a fortune, and we STILL can’t get HDTV signals.

  50. Avatar Thomas says:

    “As you can see, the innuendo generator is critically malfunctioning.”

  51. Avatar thejay says:

    1. I thought I had figured out post-modern art by now, but… well, no.

    2. You can look, but ya can’t touch.

    3. I dunno, the police found it in some comic artist’s basement… I think he was called Liefeld or something.

  52. Avatar Frey says:

    1. This is the Father of all Superheroes! Literally!
    2. So you just aim it at that, and then a bologna sandwich appears!
    3. Welcome to Sex Ed class, We are about to have a demonstration…

  53. Avatar Frey says:

    I take back the second post, i just thought of a better one

    “I really don’t know why I did this with all the company’s money, i just did it randomly.”

    BTW: Thanks chase for posting that on your remark way up top, that gave me the idea.

  54. Avatar Jim says:

    With this unfair-taxinator we will able to SCREW over the middle class like never before imagined!

  55. Avatar Denise Adams says:

    These comments are hysterical! Some of you guys made me laugh out loud! Way to go!

  56. Avatar Whit says:

    …or you could look at the deluxe model, which has 37% more innuendo!

  57. Avatar Xstacy says:

    It’s too late to change the design now, Ted. Besides, I don’t think anybody will notice.

  58. Avatar Cybertourk says:

    “….and this device was originally designed to take King Kong’s temperature from a safe distance. However we never got funding to design the delivery system.”

  59. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    Entrant 1
    “We recovered this spaceship from the North Atlantic Ocean this morning. As the long smooth shaft indicates, our worst fears have been realized. It appears that Doctor Evil has returned!”

  60. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    Entrant 2
    “Oh, so this is what it means, to have a screw loose!”

  61. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    Entrant 3
    Reference Meet Bob commercials
    “Yea your not smiling now are you bob?”

  62. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    This was fun Jeff. I’m glad I though of it. joking.
    Had one more, but ran out of entries, so I’ll throw the idea up, 50 foot woman

  63. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    Hey Jeff, Where do we submit suggestions for caption contests?

  64. Avatar redvector says:

    1.”Yeah, but does it get cable?”

    2.”Galactus only used it to wash his underwear.”

    3.”It’s a water heater…yeah that that’s it a water heater.

    4.”Let’s get naked and try it out.”

  65. Avatar Jeff Hebert says:

    You can either email them to me direction (afdstudios at gmail dot com) or use the Contact Us link up at the top there, MartianBlue.

  66. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    Thanks Jeff, I sent them through contact

  67. Avatar JWMan says:

    1. “Yes, if I move my hand it will fall. Shut up Dan.”

    2. “So I show you the world’s largest death ray and your commenting on the color of my suit?!”

    3. “It doesn’t even look like it should be standing let alone work. I give it a D+ merely out of baffled fascination.”

  68. Avatar RSC5 says:

    @JWMan: Those three threw me into an embarrassing fit of laughter. The “baffled fascination” line was such godly perfection.

  69. Avatar Niall Mor says:

    Yes, but do you have one in fuchsia?

  70. Avatar superawesomecoolman says:

    my 2nd one; so you say all this does is removes germs from my hands better than MOST soaps?

  71. Avatar Steve says:

    @Dudemeister….only the ULTIMATE Colossus was gay…so I feel your 2nd entrant is flawed…..but still hilarious.

  72. Avatar Cory says:

    1. I present to you the FUTURE…..of Facebook poking.

    2. You know when you put bread in a toaster? Well, THIS is where the toast comes from!

    3. I don’t know what it does…but every now and then it lights up and says 42 over and over again.

  73. Avatar Tal says:

    1. … And this is a miniature model of our last product.

    2. Simple. Just point and shoot.

    3. The greatest scientific minds have joined to design this fusion engine. Unfortunately, they suck at PR.

  74. Avatar James says:

    1. So I tell him to smell my finger…and he does! Hahaha…erhem…so anyway…you want the thing or not?

    2. What, this? When Neverland Ranch closed down, I stole this out of storage. I think it’s a ride or something.

    3. It doesn’t slice, it doesn’t dice, and it doesn’t make Julien fries…but you sure will feel it in the morning!

  75. Avatar Oquies says:

    1. “56 million dollars in research and you don’t even know what it does?

    2. “HaHaHa….This thing can’t even melt butter!”

    3. “So like do you have anything usfull?”

  76. Avatar Fishpants says:

    1. Then we jump out and take over the Statue of Liberty. They’ll never see us coming!

  77. Avatar Fishpants says:

    2. You’re too late, Mr. Bond! The ammunition balls will be here any minute.

  78. Avatar Fishpants says:

    3. …but Janice leaves the room and it goes back to phone-booth size. I don’t get it.

  79. Avatar Evil Lord Pretzel says:

    “Guaranteed to protect your Secret Lair of Evil Most Foul from all manner of pesky heroes! You may encounter some problems against heroines, though….”

  80. Avatar Seanuz says:

    1. “That’s the last time I get NASA to design my space shuttle!”

  81. Avatar Seanuz says:

    2. “Yeah I got it at that new menswear store. Oh you mean *that thing*? Yeah I don’t know what that does.”

    3. “Well I’d always wanted a bomb on a stick attached to a giant school bell so you know…”

  82. Avatar Seanuz says:

    Just a quick edit for #1

    1. “And how did they think it was gonna get anywhere near space when it’s not even pointed in the right direction? Bloody NASA.”

  83. Avatar Seanuz says:

    Just a quick edit for #1

    1. “And how did they think it was gonna get anywhere near the moon when it’s not even pointed in the right direction? Bloody NASA.”

  84. Avatar NGpm says:

    1. “Ah, I see you have the machine that goes ‘Ping’!”

    2. “You don’t get it do you? The Soviets had created an inappropriate looking machine thingy gap! We had to bridge the gap!”

    3. “Yes, form follows function. Which, with this thing, gives me the screaming heebie-jeebies.”

  85. Avatar superawesomecoolman says:

    #3; and this blows seuff up so big it’s not even funny, fine maybe it’s a little, no it’s REALLY funny

  86. Avatar superawesomecoolman says:

    wrong spelling for #3 stuff, not seuff

  87. Avatar Meg says:

    1. Ma’am, this should interest you in particular. This item is the wave of the future- this baby’s fully automated.

    2. And through this window, you’ll see the pride of our little safari park- the wild piano keys.

    3. Now, you may ask why I asked you to where bright colours. Simple. We must match my garish red paint and purple suit!

  88. Avatar Meg says:

    (the man in the blue suit talking)
    4. Honey, why do you want THIS washing machine so much?

  89. Avatar jason ransom says:

    1, I like the design thats all ok!!

    2, First i clean the shaft, th….hey man kids read this
    stuff.

    3, now as you can see, size is everything.

  90. Avatar Abron says:

    Alright Here goes
    :Is That a Giant Laser Of Doom or are you just happy to see me?

  91. Avatar Biffbiffley says:

    “Why, we were given grants for this project by Pfizer, how could you tell?”

  92. Avatar D says:

    “I’d show you how the giant-sized, pneumatic, electronic pool cue works, but I can’t get the eightball off it.”

  93. Avatar D says:

    “Well yes, you could use it to play Squash. But you’d need a new court afterwards.”

  94. Avatar Whit says:

    Is it just three entries per person, like in the old days?

  95. Avatar Zorbas The Awesome says:

    “The Government has spared no expenis- uuuh i mean expense to build this new system”

    “this is a hologram of our new white-washer 3000 paint-gun enlarged 100x.”

    “This is our crown jewel Mr. Witwicky…the original seven discovered it and Hoover had this am built aroundit to hide the Rod’s power.”

    (TransFormers reference)

  96. Avatar Zorbas The Awesome says:

    oops thats supposed to be ‘Dam built around it’

  97. Avatar D says:

    “You know that movie Boogie Nights? Well, they’re making a sequel and they’ve asked me to make a new prosthetic for Mark Wahlberg.”

  98. Avatar Michael says:

    1. First you take this dingle-dangle and you put it inside that hoopsy-daisy over there.

    2. Giggity-giggity-goo!

    3. It’s the world’s largest can of silly spring. You can drown in that stuff.