I wanted to do a caption contest with a big ol' onomontoPOWia, so here you go! Come up with the best replacement dialog for this panel and you'll win your very own custom black and white illustration of whatever you like (within reason):

The rules are simple: No more than three entries per person; all entries must be left in the comments to this post; and try to keep it clean (appropriate for late-night TV). You have one week, the winner will be chosen and announced next Tuesday.
Good luck everyone!
1. ZZTop couldn’t make it so I…
2. Ahh! That kick made my ankle swell up!
3. You damn kids get off my lawn!
Ya gotta stomp these nonsense words before they breed.
I’m sorry Bram but there can be only one ridiculous thing in this panel and thats me!
1. MY NAME AIN’T “BRAM”!
2. FACE MY FOOTMOUTH!
3. I’M NOT JOHNNY FEVER!
1) It was supposed to be BATTERING RAM, but there wasn’t much space left after my gigantic foot.
2) Damn those banana peels!
3) There’s two scoops of pain in Kellog’s Raisin Bram.
EDIT: Kellog’s should be Kellogg’s
Trick or Treat! Smell my–Oh, what the hell!
[*Not an entry] #3 is awesome, Runt82!! 🙂
Yes, that’s my foot!
1). Here’s a lil’ bit of “sole” for you, Dracula!
1.Time too kick ass and chew bubblegum… and im all outta gum
2. BRAM’S ICE CREAM! BUY SOME OR GET SHOT!
3.”It’s NERF or nothing!”
You want me to f***in trash your lights? Then why are you trashin my scene?
Sorry, probably not appropriate, but it had to done
Cool hair, tough as heck, and every bit as racist. Don’t mess with the Dog 2.0
Just let your SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE GLOOOOOOOOOOW!
I know what you’re thinkin’. Did I wipe my feet before I kicked your door down. Well, did ya, punk?
One small step for Bram, one giant leap for Bramkind!
Someone get this word outta my way! It’s blockin’ ma dramatic entrance!
“Cut, cut, cut! You cue the BRAM! when I fire the gun, not when I kick the door.”
*THIS* is a left foot!
“I’ve jsut escaped Liefeld’s “artistic” clutches and I need a real background STAT.”
“What? !MARB…?? What does that mean?”
Chuck Norris, I AM YOUR FATHER!!!
1) Set phasers to “nonsensical noises”!
1) Stoker’s Dracula!
2) Look out, I’ve got an unnecessary pouch in my sights!
“Do you know what I mean, Vern?”
1) POW! POW! POW!
2) Here comes.. PINKY! [<- pls color PINKY pink and bold 😉 ]
Thought of a third one:
3) I brought you a cookie.. but I eated it!
1. “Say hello to my lil’ friend!”
2. “I got ya Wolverine, right here!”
3. “These boots were made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do…”
1. The pouch has attached itself to my boot!
2. My gun must’ve been made in China.
3. I am NOT Dale Earnheardt!
1. Now I gonna brast you!
2. That Bram Stoker was a bad mutha–
3. Wow, I gotta change my boot ringtone.
1) Landshark!
2) Room Service! Who ordered the butt kicking?
1) Uck Uck Uck! Great balls o’ fire, and bodacious!
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dI99bvpgjyQ)
2)…Stoker’s Dracula, coming soon to a theater near you!
3) I can get off ONE GOOD SHOT before I FALL FLAT ON MY ASS!
“I said, PLAY FREEBIRD!”
Hi Mom…I’m Home.
Quit playing Mannilow!
“i already told you girl scouts, no samoas no deal!”
“taste my strange gun! it shoots colored plastic balls!!”
“Hadouken!”
“not a head-shot, but a left kidney shot”
____
Oh man the last one was a shit…i know that
“VIIII…”
“Don’t mock the boot purse!”
Whoa is that freedom rock ???
Whoa don’t eat the brown acid!
Old Hippie Power
1.THIS! IS! HUUUUUGE!
2.MY HAIR IS NOT DYED!
3.OLD HIPPYS! GO!
For the last time! These are NOT Doc Martens! See?
Here’s Johnny… Doctor Johnny Fever.
It is not a mullet!
Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
1. “Liefield?! Drop that pencil! Herbert says hello.”
WHile I think of more entires – respects to John for “THIS! is a left foot.” – awesome.
2. “YOU! Straighten my panel frame NOW!”
1. a lam ding dong!
3. “This is Avon calling, bitch.”
(Is ‘bitch’ within the censorship restrictions? if not, please replace it with ‘scumbag’)
1] Get ready for a George Carlin SMACKDOWN!
2] Do these boots make me look fat? DO THEY!?
3] Redneck Demolitions! We…oops, wrong address. Sorry.
Bram?! BRAM?! That’s the best sound effect he can come up with? Darn you Leifeld, darn you!
Oh no! I forgot to hide my feet!
1. (whistling) I called the witch doctor…
2. (singing) I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts…
3. I told you its NOT delivery!
1. (Monty Python Reference) “…Its…”
2. I believe you have my friend’s stapler. The red one.
3. I’ll take the #4, hold the pickles, extra mayo.
(im really surprised that THIS IS SPARTA! hasnt been used, and Id use it..if I wasnt pretty sure it’d be seen as unimaginative)
1 It’s me, Young Stan Lee.
2 Does this boot make my foot look big?
1. How’s that fer Chuck Norris?
2. Yeah, that’s right, Liefeld. It’s a foot. Now, take it!
Did I get the gum off my shoe?
Pizza delivery!
Hold it! your under arrest, you have the right to remain- oh, sorry! Wring house!
Edit: ‘Wring’ should be Wrong.
“you’ve been served, here’s you’re citation”
“Now that I’ve got your attention, let’s talk about your long-distance calling plan!!!”
-or-
“Where’s your bathroom? This BRAM muffin went right through me!!!”
“And BRANG, you’re dead.”
1. WHERE’S THE RENT!!!!!
2. JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE!
3. BRAM YOU ALL TO HELL!!!
My WHERE’S THE RENT comment was based off the “Pearl” vids by Will Ferrel.
1. “We need more napkins…I’m really hungry,”
2. “Wake up, wake up! Tomorrow is today and today is yesterday!”
3. “This boot is so clean you could comb your hair off it!”
1. Oh YEAH! (Kool-aid man)
2. Leggo my eggo!
3. Can I interest you in some dictionaries?
Caaable guy!
1. Don’t mess with the Dog, bra!
#1: ( Caption “Bram” equals some one scream big guys name ) “Hey luci i am home!”
( yeah i know not original but still funny )
#2: ( back panel wall thingy falls to make the “Bram noise” ) “First bad are now bad scenery from Leifeld what next, bad …. never mind its all bad.”
#2: “Hear that? that’s my boot, its worse then this here gun”
All I’ve got is a bad pun.
1. “Stop or I’ll Shoe-t!”
@Excession: There are no bad puns. Or all puns are bad, one or the other.
1. Crackers!
2. Not if my head of gorgeous blonde hair has anything to say about it!
3. Get out of my tool shed!
Lets see, I’ve got a nice big grimace, bolbous muscles, and lots of pouches, what’s missing? Oh ***** I forgot to hide my feet!
do these boots go with this gun
HELLO SIR! May i interest you in this nice barcode scanner?