The Poll Position for this week is:
Discussion after the jump.
As you might have guessed by now, I like to think about what would happen if well-entrenched characters switched roles somehow, and to puzzle through what I would do if I were in control of sorting it all out. I also love a big slug-fest, which is where the idea for this week’s question came from. I think which answer you pick will say a lot about what you like in comics stories, but for what it’s worth, here’s what I would do.
- Batman: The obvious choice, since so many creative types have taken it through the years. But I think it’s been done to death, and frankly I don’t think a completely rational Superman would actually be taken in by Batman for too long. I think Bruce could stretch out the conflict for a while, but I don’t believe he could come through as the ultimate victor. In fact, I suspect that you’d rapidly be unable to tell the difference between Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor.
- Dr. Doom: For dramatic monologues and egotistic grandstanding potential alone, I love this. From a practical standpoint (can you use the word practical when talking about super-heroes? I suspect not), Doom not only has the brains, the money, and the tech to make him a legitimate threat, but he also has access to magic, one of Big Blue’s few actual vulnerabilities.
- Green Lantern: The case for GL can be summed up in three words: Power ring kryptonite. ‘Nuff said. And I think he could withstand whatever long-range attacks were launched at him as well. I do, however, think back to a random issue from years back, when Superman takes out an alien with one punch who’s pilfered Hal’s ring. Hal’s in disbelief but to Superman it was no big deal. “Nice trinket” I think he says. Granted, this was pre-revamp Superman, but still, it was impressive.
- Hulk: Admit it, you’d love to see this done right. The harder he’s hit and the madder he is, the stronger Hulk gets. And Superman can both hit hard and piss people off, so there’s that. Now that I think about it, wasn’t Doomsday just a space-going Hulk clone for all practical purposes?
- Magneto: At first I almost didn’t put him on the list because, come on, magnets vs. Man of Steel is threatening only as a metaphor. But Magneto’s a very tough customer, and knows how to use an enemy’s weaknesses against him. At the end of the day, though, I just don’t see him having the power set to hang with Superman.
- Metamorpho: I like the odds for a shape-changing dude who can transform his whole body into Kryptonite.
- Thor: Dude’s a god, that’s all I’m sayin’. And I would pay cash money to see the scene where Superman melts those big silver helmet wings with his heat vision.
- Wolverine: Frankly I only put this in here to titillate the fan-boys. Oops, I did it again by using the word “tit”illate.
- Wonder Woman: I don’t honestly think she’s got much of a shot, but I want to see the scene where one or both of them get tied up by the other and forced to tell the truth about stuff. “You like spanking, don’t you? ADMIT IT!!”
- Zatanna: This would be a race; could Zatanna conjure up a bunch of super-sonic flying Kryptonite bullets before Superman could kill her at super speed? Discuss.
So given those choices, and having thought it through, with the weight of responsibility solely on my shoulders for stopping what would have to be considered the gravest threat the world had ever seen, I’d probably turn to … Doctor Doom. The only reason he keeps getting his ass kicked by the Fantastic Four is that Reed Richards is smarter than he is, and let’s get real here — Superman isn’t exactly the Albert Einstein of the super-hero set, know what I’m saying? I think he’s the only one on the list with the lack of scruples and vast resources (financial, super-powered, technological, and magical) you’d need for such a monumental task.
But that’s just me, what would you do if the choice were yours?