Super-powered Cage Match

Last week we went high-brow and intellectual with the father question, so this week we go low-brow and try to decide who would beat the snot out of whom. In our Champions game we would call this a “slug fest scenario”, or, more commonly, “Let’s go find a large open space” in which to fling fistfulls of dice at each other. So here are your choices:

{democracy:38}

I tried to present an array of options that had different approaches to the super-fighting business, from the one-trick-pony brute strength of The Thing to the inherent trade-offs of the “One Superman power at a time” angles of Ultra Boy. Here’s my take on the pluses and minuses of each. I look forward to hearing who you’d pick and why!

  1. Batman: He’s The Goddam Batman, what else do you need to know? No super-powers, so you’d think he’d get crushed by the likes of Iron Man or The Thing, but remember the Caped Crusader has gone toe-to-toe with Superman more than once and come out on top. You can bet he’ll have more than a few tricks up his sleeve.
  2. Captain America: Like Batman, Cap might not have the most raw power on the list, but he’s tough, fearless, and has an incredible tactical mind. The vibranium-iron shield doesn’t hurt any, either.
  3. Deathstroke the Terminator: I missed him when he was really hot, but going through the Great Random Comics Pile has brought home to me just what a bad-ass this guy is. He combines the super-serum assets of a Captain America with the tactical skills of a Batman. Definitely a huge threat in any type of combat, although on the other hand, Robin has kicked his ass on occasion.
  4. Dr. Doom: Iron Man can’t be the only guy with a suit of powered armor, that just wouldn’t be fair.
  5. Iron Man: When you have one of the top movies of the year, you get to be on every list. That’s just how it works, kids.
  6. Lobo: You have to have a biker in a cage match, according to my rule book here. And in a super-hero cage match, that means Lobo. Wild, unpredictable, and incredibly powerful, he would be a good check on Wolverine.
  7. The Thing: The thinking man’s Hulk. Which, come on, isn’t saying all that much. Arguably the strongest and toughest one on the list (as long as Ultra Boy isn’t switched to strength), for some reason people tend to count Ben Grimm out. Always a mistake.
  8. Wolverine: The fanboy favorite. Logan’s powers as written are pretty strong, but like Tinkerbell, he’s orders of magnitude better with all those people out there cheering for him. I’d love to see what adamantium claws would do against Cap’s vibranium-iron shield, too. Not to mention whether it would rend Tony Stark’s shell.
  9. Wonder Woman: I can imagine Wonder Woman would spend most of the battle thinking “WTF am I doing here?” But once you get past that, she’s pretty much the most “complete” character, powers-wise, in the group. She can’t have her power source taken away like Iron Man, and she doesn’t have the trade-offs of an Ultra Boy. Plus her Amazonian warrior training would have to come into play — she was born to fight, and had that ability trained to a razor’s edge.
  10. Ultra Boy: Look, I love the Legion of Super-Heroes. It’s a weakness, I know. I’ve always loved Ultra Boy’s power set, the ability to use any of Superman’s powers, but only one at a time. The kind of rapid decision-making that would go into using them effectively is fascinating to me. I think he’d be at a distinct disadvantage in a Cage Match like this, though, as the others would likely gang up on him and take advantage of whatever ability he has switched on at the moment.

I like the idea of them all in one place duking it out at once, instead of a “Capcom” style one-on-one set of bouts. I’d love to see what factions formed, who’d team up with whom, figuring out which sets of powers would work best against which other sets, that kind of thing.

Anyway, that’s how I see it, now let me know whose powers you would rather have if you were in that situation yourself!

About Jeff Hebert

Jeff is a 45 year old city boy who has somehow found himself located in Colorado, fulfilling his lifetime dream of making a living drawing super-heroes all day.

17 Responses to Super-powered Cage Match

  1. Wonder Woman, totally. She’s a freakin’ GODDESS, which puts her on an entirely different level than everyone else. She peels Iron Man and Doom out of their armor quickly. Batman and Deathstroke go down next because it’s a cage and they can’t use their sneaky, dirty tricks. I think she probably handles Cap and The Thing pretty handily. Ultra Boy gets tied up in the Lasso, leaving her to deal with the tag team of Lobo and Wolverine. They both take a whole lot of punishment, but eventually Lobo will mouth off at Logan and they’ll pound on each other for awhile, leaving her to finish them off. Battered, bruised, and bloodied, the Amazon Princess stands triumphant.

    That’s HAWT.

  2. I’d side with Cap, simply for the fact that he’s the most experienced fighter and his indestructable sheld could even hold off Wolverine’s claws. (Remember, Adamantium was invented to try to replicate the metal in Car’s shield.)

  3. Wolverine’s got a healing power AND he’s way more experience then any one else, so, he could make the powerhouses fight each other or something…

  4. I think everyone should have some pie and be friends.

  5. mmmmmmmmm, piiiiieeeeeeee …

  6. I’ll go with the fanboy (or girl, in my case) favorite and say Wolvie. Like HeroComplex says, that healing power and fighting ability is a big bonus, on top of the adamantium…Yep, that’s the ticket.

  7. Gotta be Lobo. He can regenerate from a single drop of blood, so even if Ultra Boy uses heat vision or Iron Man blasts him with repulsors, it’ll be tough to do enough damage to get rid of him.

  8. I don’t know all that much about Lobo, but in one of my retro random comics a column mentioned that a Lobo movie was in the discussion stages with a studio. Do you think that would be a good idea?

  9. I would say it depends on the end results. Batman always seems to win even if he loses. But if its to the death I would say Lobo, because he can’t die. I have a Lobo comic where Lobo’s flesh is eaten by carnivorous snails, then his skull is blown off by a bounty hunter and used as a beer mug, and he still wins.

  10. Lobo all the way. Wolvering slices him open and each drop of blood grows into a clone of him instantly. Eventually they would over power Wolverine. He would eventauly win because even Wolvering tires some time and having 100s or 1000s of Lobos beating on you would wear you out quick.

  11. “I don’t know all that much about Lobo, but in one of my retro random comics a column mentioned that a Lobo movie was in the discussion stages with a studio. Do you think that would be a good idea?”

    I don’t think it would go well. If it was written and shot in the proper Giffen spirit, it would be a fun romp. But I just can’t see a major studio putting money into a comic-book film that would end up R-rated, which a properly-done Lobo would have to be.

  12. Cap. Why? Because he’s friggin’ Captain America, that’s why! In a cage, Batman experiences the “Edna Mode” principle of cape usage.

    “No capes!”

  13. Wolverine Obviously due to his adamantium claws and healing powers, But i just got to ask, Why not Ghost Rider for the superhero Biker?

  14. But Wolvering can slice and slice at Lobo all he wants all it will do is make more Lobos.

    Cap will be able to handle the claws with his shield.

    Ultra Boy could use Supermans invulnerablity and break Wolverins claws off when he goes to stab him or he could use heat vision.

    Ultra Boy is the only one I think could beat Lobo and that would be by freezing him.

  15. Good point on Ghost Rider, Luke. I tend to forget about him when it comes to super-heroes, as I think of him more as a horror guy, but he’d definitely fit.

  16. Wolverine. He’s got loads of fighting experience, a healing factor, claws, and some serious willpower. When Mastermind took over the X-Men, Wolverine ended up fighting all of his teammates at once. The fight ended up a draw, but you have to keep in mind that he was fighting ALL OF THEM and he was PULLING HIS PUNCHES. So he’s got experience fighting a handful of superheroes and he totally kicked ass doing it.

    To address the Lobo issue: There’s more than one way to kill a person. Yes, Wolverine usually stabs and slashes, but a simple broken neck works just as well. (At least, I’m thinking a broken neck would take Lobo out of the action. I’m not actually familiar with this guy.)

    To address the Ultra Boy issue: Sneak attack while Ultra Boy’s using a power that isn’t invulnerability against someone else.

    “No capes!” indeed. Good point, John. I love Edna. You cracked me up with that.

  17. The thing all the way … Wonder woman check knock out… Wolverine check …twist the freakin metal so he can not move… Lobo Captain America and Deathstroke.. two words clobbering Time! Doom… Rock pounds the metal suit so he can not breath and the same for ironman. Ultra boy all the thing has to do is knock him out when he is looking all constipated and not using the super strength. Batman is the hard fight because he is smart and quick on the feet.. but remember Ben Grimm is an astronaunt and not just a tank.. all he has to do is get close and get a mega bear hug on Batman.. tough break because i love Batman.