Last week we went high-brow and intellectual with the father question, so this week we go low-brow and try to decide who would beat the snot out of whom. In our Champions game we would call this a “slug fest scenario”, or, more commonly, “Let’s go find a large open space” in which to fling fistfulls of dice at each other. So here are your choices:
I tried to present an array of options that had different approaches to the super-fighting business, from the one-trick-pony brute strength of The Thing to the inherent trade-offs of the “One Superman power at a time” angles of Ultra Boy. Here’s my take on the pluses and minuses of each. I look forward to hearing who you’d pick and why!
- Batman: He’s The Goddam Batman, what else do you need to know? No super-powers, so you’d think he’d get crushed by the likes of Iron Man or The Thing, but remember the Caped Crusader has gone toe-to-toe with Superman more than once and come out on top. You can bet he’ll have more than a few tricks up his sleeve.
- Captain America: Like Batman, Cap might not have the most raw power on the list, but he’s tough, fearless, and has an incredible tactical mind. The vibranium-iron shield doesn’t hurt any, either.
- Deathstroke the Terminator: I missed him when he was really hot, but going through the Great Random Comics Pile has brought home to me just what a bad-ass this guy is. He combines the super-serum assets of a Captain America with the tactical skills of a Batman. Definitely a huge threat in any type of combat, although on the other hand, Robin has kicked his ass on occasion.
- Dr. Doom: Iron Man can’t be the only guy with a suit of powered armor, that just wouldn’t be fair.
- Iron Man: When you have one of the top movies of the year, you get to be on every list. That’s just how it works, kids.
- Lobo: You have to have a biker in a cage match, according to my rule book here. And in a super-hero cage match, that means Lobo. Wild, unpredictable, and incredibly powerful, he would be a good check on Wolverine.
- The Thing: The thinking man’s Hulk. Which, come on, isn’t saying all that much. Arguably the strongest and toughest one on the list (as long as Ultra Boy isn’t switched to strength), for some reason people tend to count Ben Grimm out. Always a mistake.
- Wolverine: The fanboy favorite. Logan’s powers as written are pretty strong, but like Tinkerbell, he’s orders of magnitude better with all those people out there cheering for him. I’d love to see what adamantium claws would do against Cap’s vibranium-iron shield, too. Not to mention whether it would rend Tony Stark’s shell.
- Wonder Woman: I can imagine Wonder Woman would spend most of the battle thinking “WTF am I doing here?” But once you get past that, she’s pretty much the most “complete” character, powers-wise, in the group. She can’t have her power source taken away like Iron Man, and she doesn’t have the trade-offs of an Ultra Boy. Plus her Amazonian warrior training would have to come into play — she was born to fight, and had that ability trained to a razor’s edge.
- Ultra Boy: Look, I love the Legion of Super-Heroes. It’s a weakness, I know. I’ve always loved Ultra Boy’s power set, the ability to use any of Superman’s powers, but only one at a time. The kind of rapid decision-making that would go into using them effectively is fascinating to me. I think he’d be at a distinct disadvantage in a Cage Match like this, though, as the others would likely gang up on him and take advantage of whatever ability he has switched on at the moment.
I like the idea of them all in one place duking it out at once, instead of a “Capcom” style one-on-one set of bouts. I’d love to see what factions formed, who’d team up with whom, figuring out which sets of powers would work best against which other sets, that kind of thing.
Anyway, that’s how I see it, now let me know whose powers you would rather have if you were in that situation yourself!