HeroMachine Character Portrait Creator

What if Amazons were actually Hell's Angels motorcycle gang members, and instead of being based on the Greeks they were modeled after S&M enthusiasts, and then their Princess Diana came to the Man's World to investigate new ways to use straps and bad leather clothing? Well then, my friend, you'd get this version of Wonder Woman:

Holy Minerva, that's a lot of useless costuming bits! My favorite is probably the ingenious use of the bra straps meeting at the sternum, where according to my vast engineering knowledge, they would offer approximately zero support. In fact, I bet wearing a bra like this would actually make the breasts sag more! But that's ok, because there isn't anything even remotely accurate about this woman's anatomy in the first place, including her unfortunately broken hips. Maybe that's the reason for the otherwise puzzling waist straps.

I mean, the reason other than "straps are hot" according to the fevered adolescent imagination of your average comics fanboy.

The painted-on biker shorts are just ... I don't have words for that. Wow.

Finally, I don't know why she bothers having the separated "=W=" logo on those jacketless sleeves, as there's no way in Hades she's ever going to get both sides of that thing to meet up over her chest. Maybe if there were a few more straps and a winch she could manage it, but otherwise, no. Which is probably by design, because clearly the last thing anyone working on that book would want would be to cover any more of her chest than absolutely necessary.

On a side note, I had no idea just how extensive Wonder Woman's costume history was until I stumbled upon Carol A. Strickland's impressively anal-retentive (her words, not mine!) index. If you can swing a few minutes to check it out, it's interesting reading. It makes me feel bad for the Amazons -- all those women on one island and so little fashion sense to go around. Pity.

(Image ©1995, DC Comics.)