My name is B.S. Slinger and Jeff has ask me if I would be able to
come up with something for a post today. Jeff and I go way back,
remember the first time I meet him, it was the first day of Day Care.
He has always had a thing about pants. Diaper off and there he was
naked as a Jay Bird watching cartoons. More about the good old
days later, now to the post.

“Welcome to my View on Comics”

Were the first Comic Books painted on cave walls? Did Comic
books really start off as paintings on a clay pot? Who was the first
person to start painting fantasy art? Were the ingredients they mixed
for paint the real reason fantasy came to be? All these questions and
more would be answered here today, but I have no clue what the
answers would be. But they are good questions. The thing I do
know is, I love Comic Books, and I have all my life.

I would like to talk about what Comic Books have done with
the female body. The female body has been transformed, redesigned,
and added to. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, it is down right awesome
if you ask me. No complaints from me at all. Heck, 90% of the artists
out there draw the female figure with bigger than life breasts anyway,
so what man in his right mind would say something against that.
From Angels to Zombies, Comic Books have them all. The good, the bad,
and the beautiful. So, without further stalling, here are a few of my
favorites.

First up is the queen of comic books herself, “Wonder Woman.” What
costume hasn’t she made look good. Even her secret identity is as sexy as
all get out, with that naughty school teacher look and those little black
glasses covering those bedroom eyes. Does anyone even know what color
eyes she has? I think the only time that we even notice that she has eyes
is when she is using her secret identity. All these years, people have
believed it was her magic lasso that made you tell the truth. What man
wouldn’t tell her anything she wanted to know looking into those eyes.
And her costume! I love how she looks in the stars and stripes. There
is nothing old about her Glory. Long live Wonder Woman! Long live the
Queen!

Next up, the lady that puts the storm in “stormy relationship.” None
other than Storm herself, the white eyed beauty. To me, her best costumes
are the white ones. I like the way they compliment the dark tone of her skin.
When she rises into the air, with the dark clouds swirling, and the lightening
striking all around her, it’s just electrifying! The only drawback that I ever
saw in her was the mohawk. Never cared for it. It didn’t do her justice.
Give me the long flowing white hair that, to me, is her trademark.

Another angel in the sky, real wings and all, is Hawkgirl. With her ready
for flight body framed by those beautiful wings. What could be more angellic
than that? There’s nothing hotter than a woman with her own mace, that
actually knows how to use it. Hooters ain’t got nothing on this bird girl.

When you have the lean, and you have the mean, you’ve got to have
some green. She-Hulk definitely has the green. She is the first thing to come
to mind when I hear the phrase, “Go Green.” When she was with the Fantastic
Four, their name should have been changed to the Fantastic One. She made
her costume look hotter than the Human Torch.

Now for my “A” list of “Bad Girls.”

The thief that stole my heart was Cat Woman. She’s the sexiest kitty
out there. I think she should win the hottest comic book cover ever with
the one that has her in a wedding dress. WOW!! in EVERY way! Her skin
tight outfits? All I can say is, “tight is right.” She wouldn’t have to be a thief
to get me to chase her. No wonder she always leaves Batman swinging.

The next one is as natural as they come: Poison Ivy. Makes you want to
go out and buy stock in calamine lotion. The sexiest redheaded villain
out there. She just makes you want to turn over a new leaf! She can tie
me up with her vines anytime. There are few better at making thing grow
than Poison Ivy.

The last, but certainly not least girl, is no joke. The Joker is not the only
guy that Harley Quinn drives crazy. The cutest thing in pigtails you have ever
seen. She can hit me over the head with her mallet and smash my face
with her pie any day.

There are hundreds of women in the comic book world. Take your pick,
there has to be at least one of them that as caught your eye. If you’d care
to share, we’d all like to hear about your favorite comic book beauty. I
guess just to be fair, girls, you tell us about your hot hunky heroes
(husbands and boyfriends not included).
Get your comic on!!
B.S. Slinger

p.s. Jeff, a plastic cup from your hotel bathroom is not a souvenir.

(Via Andrew Sullivan. A Fangtooth fish is displayed at the Natural History Museum’s new exhibition ‘The Deep’, on May 26, 2010 in London, England. By Dan Kitwood/Getty Images.)

You too can thrill to the adventures of such secondary characters as Sockarang (he has socks instead of arms that he can fling out and retrieve like boomerangs) and stand amazed as anyone touched with blood becomes some bizarre version of that thing.

Plus, dinosaurs with chain guns for arms. Seriously, this kid is going to grow up to be Chris Sims at this rate. It’s great fun, by all means check it out for a wonderful weekend time waster.

The Dictionary says; 1. a close friend. 2. a confederate or assistant.

Sidekick Application

But as we all know a Sidekick is more than that. Over the years there have been many Sidekicks paired up with our Comic Book Heroes. Some famous and some not so famous. If you sit down and think about it, how important are Sidekicks, could our Heroes have made it with out them? What does it take to be a Sidekick? Who gets to name them? Where do they come from? How old is a Sidekick? Why are some replaced and others just fade away? Who finds who, the Hero or the Sidekick? And what is up with some of those costumes they wear?

Let’s break it down, first off, “Could our Heroes make it without a Sidekick?”, that is a very good question. Yes, there are many Heroes out there that do not have Sidekicks, does that mean that they are better than the ones that do have them? The answer to that is “no.” All Heroes get support from someone, be it a family member, a spouse, a Doctor friend, other Heroes and team mates, and yes even the butler is there for them.

So what, you ask, do Sidekicks do for the Hero they work with that the butler does not? Sidekicks can add that little edge that is needed in a fight. They can help cut the Hero free when the Hero has been captured. They can be the bait for a trap. They can create a diversion to help give the Hero the upper hand. And many other helpful things that a person can do that is right there along side of the Hero in the heat of battle.

What does it take to be a Sidekick? It takes a lot, more than some people will ever know. First off, there are some Heroes out there that are hard to get along with. You have to put up with being the butt of the joke and being comedy relief. Most of the time you have to go to school during the day and fight crime at nights, and that leaves no free time to hang out with your friends. You have to be in just as good of shape as the Hero, if not better, in order to keep up with them. You always have to be one step ahead of the Hero, by thinking like them. What helps this a lot is to
have had a life that is almost just like the Hero’s.

Who gets to name them? The Hero that’s who. You know that the Sidekick has to have a name that goes with the Hero’s name. It just would not be right to have a name that didn’t match. For example, there would be no way Batman would have his Sidekick named Potato Kid, it would not fit at all. So the Hero will more than likely name the Sidekick. This does not mean that the Sidekick will always
get a cool name.

Where do they come from? From all walks of life. For the most part, something has happen to their family and they are taken in by the Hero. Sometimes they are big fans of the Heroes and somehow find out who the Hero really is, leaving the Hero with no choice but to take them on as Sidekick. Being born into the family business is another way. But that doesn’t always mean that both parents are Heroes, in some cases one of the parents has been a Villain, but that doesn’t make them any less of a Sidekick. We all know things happen.

How old is a Sidekick? That can be hard to say. Back in the day they were both young and old. Some would start as a young kid that is taken in by the Hero and trained to fight crime. Others were good friends with the Hero, and sometimes even an old partner from days gone by. You have to ask yourself, how young is to young? For the most part the Sidekicks are like the Hero’s kid, and they won’t let their kid start up if they are not ready to. Would you? Now days you have to think about the laws, what would the Child Protective Service do if they see a Hero out fighting crime with a ten or twelve year old. There would be some trouble. A kid can’t even have a part time job without being over sixteen these days. And to take it in the other direction, how old is to old to be a Sidekick? Does a Hero want their Sidekick to be older then they are? Do you really think you would see someone like Green Arrow having his Granny be his Sidekick? Now nothing against Granny, she could probably out shoot him blind folded, but come on, she has already had her time to shine, let the young ones take over. Besides, she is out kicking it with Grandpa.

Why are some replaced and others just fade away? Over the years there have been Sidekicks replaced by a younger Sidekick. This happens when the first Sidekick has moved up and became a Hero. Where did you think Heroes come from? Or that the first Sidekick has had enough of the business and wants to move on in life. One of the sad ways that a Sidekick is replaced, is when they are injured or sometimes killed in the line of duty. Let’s all take time now and bow our heads to pay respect
to all of the fallen Sidekicks and Heroes that are no longer with us. Okay, some Sidekicks just fade away. There are a lot of reasons why. One of the reasons is that the Hero could not bear to replace them after something has happened to them. Another one, is that they have moved over to the Dark Side. Sorry couldn’t help it, they have become Villains. Not wanting to name names, some have had personal problems, like drug addiction.

Who finds who, the Hero or the Sidekick? It has happened both ways. It makes you wonder sometimes if there is a school out there for both Heroes and Sidekicks. Do they have to apply for the job? Could you see the Application for a Sidekick job? Well I did (in my mind that is) when I started to write these. I was thinking it would be cool to make one up and to share it with everyone.

What is up with some of those costumes they wear? Does the Sidekick supply their own costumes or does the Hero? You know that the costume will have to match, in ways, the Hero’s costume. Makes you wonder if the Hero is looking for a mini version of their costume or just something that will help make their costume look better. Some of the Sidekick costumes yell out”Hey look at me, I’m a Sidekick.” While others can stand on their own. Would you want a Sidekick’s costume to be a mini version of yours, a stand on it’s own, or one that would compliments your costume? And if you were the Sidekick would you want a say in the matter?

I hope that everyone has enjoyed what I have to say about Sidekicks. I would love to hear what you think, so post some comments and be heard.

Thanks all,
Hammerknight

via videosift.com

Methinks I might turn this into a contest for next time, as I am sure you guys could come up with characters even worse than these if you put your minds to it!

This has been an interesting few months, first the incomparably awesome Michael Chabon mentioned that his kids use HeroMachine, and now it’s a sideline in a Neil Gaiman comedy hour. Granted, I doubt Gaiman had any clue they were even doing visuals for the bit, much less where they came from, but still — he’s at least ten kinds of legendary, so to be in the same segment (even accidentally) is pretty cool.

And in super-small size so as to not spoil them, after the jump is your answer key.

Enjoy! And thanks again to Hammerknight for putting these together.

(Click for the larger, printable size.)

Here’s your answer key, in unreadable small size so we don’t spoil the challenge (click it for the viewable size):

Merry Christmas to all of you celebrating it today! And special holiday thanks to Hammerknight for taking the time to put this together for our collective amusement.

The first thing you will notice is that most of these come from DC Comics, and specifically from Golden Age Superman. Because Golden Age Superman was insane. Based purely on the stories, art, and concepts in those pages, I would guess the total percentage of creators on the book who were doing heavy psychedelic drugs was well over 90%.

For example, you’ve probably all heard of Krypto the Superdog, with his sporty red cape and collar tag (because if he got lost, how would people know he belonged with Superman, other than the flying and the heat vision and the hey hey):

Krypto is king of the super pets just as Superman is king of the super humans. They are both loyal, dedicated, smart, powerful, and fun to hang out with. I don’t believe Superman can lick himself in embarrassing places, but given his Golden Age powerset and a handy chunk of Kryptonite, I wouldn’t put it past him. Other than that, though, they’re the perfect super companions because they’re so much alike.

However, did you know there was also Streaky the Supercat?

He’s most closely associated with Supergirl, which is also appropriate, because cats and women both are smarter than men, can get along just fine without men, and for the most part view you as a walking vending machine. Plus, Supergirl turned out to be an alien (I mean, even more alien than a Kryptonian would be), and I think it’s pretty clear that cats are not from this planet either. So that works.

On the other hand, I have no real explanation for Beppo the Super-monkey, a chimpanzee with an apparent fondness for super-powered baby mechanics:

None of the super pets were as bizarre as Comet the Super-horse, though, because he wasn’t originally a horse (he was a centaur) and he wasn’t originally super. But after he got turned into a horse and got super powers, he and Supergirl had a fling during the times that he got turned into a human temporarily. Like I said, Golden Age Superman and family were insane.

A lot of people think Batman was a nutty comic book before it was an even nuttier television series before it got turned into semi-pornographic homoerotic bat nipples before it got totally cool and radical again. And those people are right. But even at his Golden Age looniest, Batman was more sane than Superman, because he just had Ace the Bat-dog:

He also didn’t muck about with a fancy cape that, let’s be honest, a dog would just crap on and then eat. He instead went with a tight-looking bat cowl, because the last thing you want is for your dog to be recognized while he’s in his secret identity. Much like his human companion, Ace didn’t have any super powers per se, but he did have a dog collar stuffed with the latest in high-tech canine goodies. I’m kidding, as far as I know he just had a neat mask and a willingness to shack up with underage boys.

But as Bulletdog showed:

The Fawcett Publishing Company was not going to be undone by the chumps over at DC. Oh no, they also had a stable of super-powered, spandex-wearing characters themselves that, like the Super Family, had been distended to grotesque proportions (Captain Marvel, Captain Marvel, Jr. who was not actually related to Captain Marvel, Mary Marvel, and Uncle Marvel who had no super powers but pretended that he did). And whenever you’ve got a ridiculous collection like that, you’re practically compelled to have your own super-pets too, which is how we got Hoppy the Marvel Bunny:

Granted, Hoppy isn’t really a “pet” in that he was a regular citizen of a “funny animal” town, but he’s got the same powers from the same place and the same costume as Captain Marvel, so he qualifies. Plus, come on, “Hoppy the Marvel Bunny”? I’d be arrested if I didn’t include him here.

Finally, no collection of funny super pets would be complete with the following intentional parody from the Marvel Bullpen of the Eighties, a funny and inspirational homage to the Golden Age animal comics mentioned earlier:

If I missed one of your favorite super-pets, be sure to let me know in the comments. I hope you enjoyed this little stroll down Memory Lane!

(“Peter Porker, the Incredible Spider Ham” © Marvel Comics, Inc. The images for Comet, Beppo, Krypto, and Streaky are © DC Comics, Inc. Hoppy the Marvel Bunny and Bulletman are both in the public domain, but were originally published in the 1940’s by Fawcett.)

3:09 – We’ve got to admit, there’s something utterly hypnotic about watching Rob Liefeld draw pouches and armbands on a guy, and it’s only made better by the pure joy in his voice when he explains to Stan that they’re full of explosive boomerangs.

5:04 – As Liefeld rushes to finish the drawing on Stan’s deadline, Stan starts joking about how his suggestion to add spikes makes Cross a collaboration, and starts referring to him as “my character” and “our creation.” He’s laughing. Rob’s laughing. Steve Ditko is gritting his teeth.

Chris also makes a very telling serious point, though:

0:25 – This is quite possibly the most mind-blowing moment of the video, as at this point, it comes out that the latest issue of “X-Force” had sold OVER FIVE MILLION COPIES. Just to give you an idea, Diamond Comic Distributors’ best-selling comic for July 2009 was “Captain America Reborn” #1, which came in just under 200,000.

Comics were big, huge, ginormous, incredibly big business. Like the real estate market, some of that was artificially inflated by speculating investors buying many copies of each big issue, but still, the industry today is a fractured, tiny portion of what it was then. Five million copies of X-Force, folks, that’s a lot of paper being pushed to the public.

You can view the video on YouTube if you like. Chris’ regular site is “The Invincible Super-Blog” and is a daily must-read for me, the guy’s a hoot.

When you see comic-book clothing brought into the real world, you’re immediately faced with problems you never have to consider when you’re just drawing lines on a page. How do you hide the seams of a soft boot top as it joins with the shoe? Where does Flash’s zipper go? How do you keep a cloth face mask from slumping off your cheeks? These guys and gals have dealt with all of that and more (don’t ask me how they go pee, for instance, I’m pretty sure it involves some sort of complicated AMA-certified device).

So without further ado, I bring you the Best of John and Jeff’s Magical Mystery Dragon*Con Tour in photos.

The first thing to strike you is that even for a given character, you have a whole huge history from which to choose an outfit. For instance, this guy chose to go with an old-school Adam West television show Batman, and pulled it off brilliantly:

He’s got it all, from the paunch to the big square utility belt to the colors and little bat ears on the cowl. Attention to detail matters when you’re doing something in real-life as much — or more! — as it does when you’re creating an illustration.

Just as impressive was a Batman from another era, specifically the Michael Keaton-era Batman movie:

I didn’t get a chance to talk to him, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a significant portion of that costume was store-bought, it was just that perfect. I particularly like the pose. And the fact that he brought Catwoman along with him, thankfully without having to sit through her film. Well played, sir.

Another Justice League-er was the first one that made me stop and take a photo. I’ve got a fondness for The Flash going way back to my ill-spent youth, and this guy nailed the costume. From the perfectly placed mask to the high-water lightning bolts on the arms to the head wings that actually didn’t look stupid, I was really impressed with this one.

Again, notice how he brought his very attractive girlfriend with him in costume. In hot costume. She returned the next day, too, in an even hotter “Starfire” outfit that almost caught the place on fire:

Continuing our tour of the Justice League roster, we turn to the Greenies, Green Arrow and Green Lantern:

The right green makes a world of difference with those two, particularly GL. A couple of alternates were running around that missed the right tone and the result was ugly. One guy looked more like the Green Vomit.

We’ll finish off the DC characters with a return to the man-woman theme and everyone’s favorite cousins:

None of the various Supermen were all that beefy, which is fine with me — I never really liked the Kryptonian Bodybuilder concept. I have to say, though, you’ve got to be pretty confident in your manfulness to wear skin-tight briefs like this. Seriously.

Moving on to Marvel, several folks got their friends together and came as a team. The coordination issues alone boggle my mind.

These guys represented old-school Avengers well, although perhaps as a bit long-in-the-tooth. Particularly Vision, who as an android should be able to keep it tight pretty much forever. Sill, they were a cute couple and I definitely applaud their willingness to geek it up later in life. May we all be so lucky!

In the “Least Likely Crossover” category, we have an incredible Hakweye costume and a very good Deathstroke:

I really wish I’d gotten a better shot of Hawkeye, I don’t know how this guy put his costume together but it was really spot-on and totally convincing.

When I saw the next “team”, I had several reactions. First, I wondered how I could swing it so I could show up at a major convention wearing a bathrobe and slippers. And second, I thanked my lucky stars the Dr. Manhattan guy decided to go with the “with pants” version. Whew!

Other non-super-hero genres were well represented too, of course, including two of my favorite pulp-era characters, The Phantom and The Shadow:

Sword-and-sorcery folks were out in force, from your Conan wannabes to this delightful creature, who I couldn’t bring myself to ask about pinching when combining chain links with nipplage:

I wondered if this next guy really thought through his costume. You have to cross a lot of streets, with a lot of oncoming buses, to risk putting on a red Star Trek shirt …

Finally, it wouldn’t be a geek convention without stunning examples of Princess Leia in her slave outfit, a staple of every hot-blooded young male nerd’s fantasy life:

You know, it’s funny, but I remember her being a lot hotter than that … ah, here we go!

We had a great time, I can’t thank my best friend John enough for putting me up and showing me around. The Patrick Stewart panel was fantastic, we had a great hour listening to Darwyn Cook talk about his career and the industry, and the costumes and geekage were simply outstanding. We’re thinking of going back next year and putting up a HeroMachine booth (assuming I am still employed by UGO then) and setting up a big projection unit with a computer so people can see characters being put together. We’ll see how that works.

Hope you enjoyed the photos, and next time you’re assembling your HeroMachine creation, think about how it would look in real life strolling around downtown Atlanta!