Monthly Archives: March 2010

The proportionate boobs of a skeleton!

Action figure company executives struggle daily with the distressing fact that girls comprise 50% of the toy-buying public, but 100% of action figures are made for boys. How then is one to sell toys to that female market?

Well, if you worked for the Landmark Entertainment Group of the early Nineties, you introduced a female member of the Living Skeleton's Skeleton Legion for the Skeleton Warriors* (did we mention skeletons?!) for the chicks, with -- and you might want to hold on to your metaphorical hat here -- boobs for the boys. On a skeleton!

shriek1

Because, you know, boobs mean girls when you're a boy. OK, or a grown up male as well, let's be honest. Also, just in case those gender stereotypes haven't sunk into their young brains yet, it's important to name the only female something shrewish, like "Shriek" because those girls just won't shut their yappers, amirightguys!?

The actual toy is even more hideous:

shriek2

I am not sure what the absolute number is of babies needing to be suckled by the undead, but I bet the over-under is somewhere around zero. Still even if you have no flesh at all on your body, it's important to make sure you still have boobies, because otherwise how will you attract the amorous attention of all those male skeletons who ... well, who don't have any actual flesh either, so that's a little moot. Still, you know, boobies!

As you can see, my generation had no choice but to use up all the natural resources of the earth and leave you, our poor children, with horrific financial and environmental messes to clean up, because our toys destroyed our minds.

* I am not making this up. The main bad guy is Baron Dark, the Living Skeleton, and his minions are the Skeleton Legion, all of whom fall under the general brand of the Skeleton Warriors line. I'm telling you, money must have been falling out of the sky for people to get paid to come up with this stuff.

SOD.090 – GL

090

Not my favorite illustration. I was going for a cartoony version. Meh. They can't all be winners.

RP: On excuses, weak

black-dwarf-rules

Caption Contest 72 Prize

Danny and I have finished his prize for winning Caption Contest 72, a Confederate cap:

rebhat2

It's live now in the HeroMachine 3 Headgear-Standard set.

SOD.089 – Supergirl

089

HM3: Destiny Helmet

I've just uploaded a new Headgear-Standard set for HeroMachine 3 that includes Matt's prize for winning Character Contest 27:

chc27-matt-drfatehelmet

The dark gray area is Color 2, so you can get a highlight effect or, if you make it match Color 1, a solid helmet. Enjoy!

Poll Position: Not just a role

Our Poll Position conundrum for this week is:

{democracy:127}

Blame Hammerknight for getting me off on an RPG kick again. But why should we have that much fun only on paper, right? So my thoughts on the best Real World class are to follow...

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RP: On hopes, forelorn

lady-luck-87-1950-pot1

(From "Lady Luck" number 87, 1950.)

Caption Contest 73

We've got a two-balloon Caption Contest this week, so make sure your funny is double-barreled, kids. If you can come up with the funniest replacement dialog for this comic book panel:

cc73-blank

You'll win any item, or a portrait of yourself, to be included in the final HeroMachine 3 program. The rules are simple:

  • No more than three entries per person;
  • All entries must be left as a comment (all in one comment or separate ones, doesn't matter) to this post;
  • Must be relatively clean, appropriate for broadcast on late-night network TV, for instance.

That's it! Good luck everyone, we'll post the Finalists for voting next Monday.

Oh, also, make sure it's obvious which part of your entry goes in which balloon. For instance:

Entry 1:
Balloon1 - "Don't make my hand angry!"
Balloon2 - "Because you won't like it when it's angry!"

Yes, that sucks, but it's on purpose so I don't scare you off with my Super Sense of Humor*.

* Actual Superman power.

Character Contest 30 – Gadgeteer Winner

We had a lot of really great entries for Character Contest 30, which made judging quite difficult.

First, I wanted to highlight the submissions I thought had some element that went above and beyond the usual level, something that made me want to call them out as an Honorable Mention, although overall they weren't Finalists that I considered making the overall winner for one reason or another.
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