Would you like your very own custom drawing by Jeff “Professional Illustrator” Hebert, only you don’t know how to get it? All you have to do is enter the “Create Your Own Caption Contest“, just like Dan did, who now has this illustration of one of his characters, “Miss Music”:

The description he gave me was:

If you’re up for it, you could do a picture of Tammi in her Miss Music costume. Nothing special - she dresses like a drum majorette with the short frilly skirt, cowgirl boots, that fancy top with ties from side to side, and the big furry hat with the feather sticking up.

I think it turned out pretty well, hopefully you all will like it too. And then you’ll get your butts over to Caption Contest 3 and enter yourself, so you can get your own drawing of whatever you like!

To answer his question:

I will now count the ways I like — no, make that love — his new body:

1. Mange-ridden dreadlock ponytail flying the opposite way from his leap;
2. Off-center tattoo (?) “X” on his face;
3. Bizarre xylophone/washboard rock vest;
4. Veins on the outside of his arms, which frankly doesn’t quite seem medically wise;
5. Two words: Zeppelin cape;
6. Vampire goth chick arms pasted into his armpits;
7. Gigantic, rubber-band-bound thighs atop dainty ballerina feet;
8. Ability to speak without opening lipless mouth;
9. Three-lobed right kneecap;
10. Black fishnet for one set of arms — apparently it wasn’t stretchy enough for the massive upper man-arms.

Yeah, I think that about covers it. I think I’ll use that line the next time I haul my disgusting body out to the local public pool and when the woman I’m speaking to recoils in horror, I’ll whip out this image and say, “Hey, it could be worse!”

(Image and characters ©1993, Marvel Comics, UK, Ltd., from “Battletide II”, No. 3.)

The winner of Caption Contest 2 was Dan Swanson!

And here is the comic book panel you’ll have to fill with witty repartee to get a shot at your very own custom drawing as well as all the glory that goes along with winning something on the Internet:

Good luck! In your entry, please specify what person gets which line of dialog. For instance:

Green Lantern: I can’t believe how long that guy is taking in the bathroom, what’s the holdup?!
Six Pack 1: Why don’t you just whip up a green latrine, GL? And make it snappy, my pants are already halfway down, and I don’t know how much longer I can …
Six Pack 2: … ooops.

And as always, please try to follow the Sitcom Rule: Don’t write anything that wouldn’t pass a network censor. Yes, even the stupid ones.

The winning entry will receive a prize of one free custom black and white web illustration by yours truly, of pretty much whatever they want (within reason, so be reasonable Dan!). Here is the sketch I did for Hades, the winner of Caption Contest 1:

(Edited to rearrange the pictures and to remove the note about changing Dan’s entry, which I ended up changing back to the original.)

(Top image from “Coyote”, Vol. 1, No. 9, ©1984, Stephen Englehart.
Bottom image from “Hitman” #11, ©1997, DC Comics.)

This week’s “Random Monday Mashup”, featuring one panel only from each of ten randomly selected comic books, begins in a seedy London bar with a conversation between a bartender and a thrill-seeking young motorcycle salesman named Tommy:

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As a special bonus OnomontoPOWia, I bring you the greatest sound effect panel of all time:

You may now stop reading super-hero comic books for all time, because no panel could ever be more awesome than this one. You have won the comics industry.

ETA: I didn’t post this on a Friday because it’s not one I discovered myself; it’s been highlighted on a number of sites for a long time. But as the commenter pointed out, “Captain America, I command you to WANK!” is in fact why I brought it here. It may be the greatest command ever given by a super-villain.