I’m starting a new feature here on the HeroMachine Blog — a daily Random Panel culled from the pages of the Great Random Comics Horde. I’ll be offering them up with no further explanations, for that perfect amount of mind-spraining Zen you’ve come to expect from me. I hope you enjoy them!
This week’s “Random Monday Mashup”, wherein I take one (and only one) panel from ten randomly chosen comic books to try and make a story, features the adventures of Baja Wally, sex-ed teacher from the future. Plus roller skaters!
In an effort to prove that bad fashion is indeed timeless, in 1996 DC saw fit to introduce yet another incarnation of The Flash (apparently a hundred and eleven super speedsters is just not enough) — scientist John Fox from the year 2645:
His logo and those weird yellow triangles that replaced the wings from the original Flash’s outfit are actually holographic projections that hover a couple of inches off his skin. I hate them. But not as much as I hate the weird jaggedy red vein/lightning bolts running through the blue and black parts of the uniform. It looks like he’s either full of lava, or this close to bleeding out. I also hate his chin strap. I’m not a big fan of those in general, and this one just makes his long, lugubrious face look even more horse-like.
Most of all, though, I hate his huge, bulky, “speed-metal” gauntlets. The beauty of the original Flash costume was its simplicity, with the bold red making the yellow lightning bolt elements really leap out at you. Blue and black don’t convey an impression of speed, and with the red cutting crooked lines through the whole thing, it all looks broken up and clunky. The bulbous gauntlets just make it worse.
Overall, this outfit doesn’t make me think “oooo, speedy!”, it makes me think “oooo, cheap knock-off from the future!” He’s even smooching Wally West’s girlfriend in this image, as if it’s not enough to steal the poor guy’s name, powers, costume logo, city, and MO! I wouldn’t be surprised to find out he’s also licked Wally’s mouse, worn his underwear, and sat in his sports car while passing gas just to make the thievery complete.
(Image and character ©1996 DC Comics, “The Flash”, #116.)
Today’s edition of OnomontoPOWia teaches us that when you’re fighting assassins in the Far East, you get Asian-food sound effects:
Next week The Djinn will be tackling Mexican banditos with a mighty “Fajeeeta-skillitt!” sound, before moving on to Rachel Ray, punctuated with a resounding “crock-POT!”
(Image and character from “Coyote”, Vol. 1, No. 7, ©1984, Stephen Englehart.)
Courtesy of Slate, the most talked-about video game at the Game Developer’s Conference is not Gears of War, but Crayon Physics Deluxe. Watch the video, and you’ll see why I thought this was perfect for the kind of people who like HeroMachine:
If that isn’t the most awesome thing I’ve seen in months, I don’t know what awesome is.
